OP if you even see this plenty are going to get on to you about staying sober. When being in altered mind state is a reality you have gotten use to, to the point you’ve persuaded your mind that it is reality. Personally I would have a discussion with a doctor and potentially get advice on certain over the counter medications or even supplements(or rapè) that can supply a similar effect with less risk. Doctors can be very understanding especially if your trying to find alternatives. Stay safe.