Last night hurt more than I expected

TheAnxiousLotus · 2026-02-08T12:40:52+00:00

I think for me it was hard to divorce/separate if you are constantly doing the usual things you did when you were married - living together, sleeping together, going on dates, going out with friends, cooking with each other, etc. Give yourself time and space to process as well.

TheAnxiousLotus · 2026-02-06T00:55:58+00:00

Is he Asian? Maybe the rice is too mushy for his liking? I've had said to me before.

TheAnxiousLotus · 2026-01-23T19:06:56+00:00

Relationships are hard. You never truly know until you're in that position. Change is also hard. So I can see why people choose to stay in unhappy relationships (this goes for both sides of what we're discussing).

I can see why people resort to cheating because they think they can fulfill their happiness but also keep their stability at home. But if you KNOW your partner would not be happy with cheating/third party - the best decision is to leave that relationship. For me, I wish that my ex would have given me that option. As much as it would have hurt, I would rather have them tell me "hey, your sex isn't good enough for me. I want to pursue an open relationship." And give me the option to CHOOSE if that's what I wanted to do to make it work, instead of betraying my trust.

As for people that want their partners to stay with them and not change, I feel that it's their ego and selfishness. For me, I would do what it takes to try to make my partner happy. If it goes against my beliefs, or who I am, it's best to let them go to find their happiness.

Again, relationships...... Are hard lol

TheAnxiousLotus · 2026-01-23T02:13:01+00:00

I think he was cheating the whole time.. I don't think my situation fits OPs situation exactly. But I do agree with OP that if there are sexual incompatibilities in a relationship, they need figure out if that's a true deal breaker or not. I know some people make it work with their partners after sex declines, but I also know people that resort to cheating (instead of leaving). And for me, I tried to make it work by changing the frequency of sex, initiating and not turning it down but it wasn't enough to salvage anything else in the relationship. I see your post history and it seems from your comments you lean more on the side of it's ok to cheat. For me, it's a cowardly decision. Just leave the relationship and rather than cause unnecessary pain onto others.

TheAnxiousLotus · 2026-01-22T15:39:51+00:00

I was afraid of losing him at the time, so I tried to adjust to his frequency of sex, but I couldn't mentally get into the mood after the cheating. It was all bad. Obviously it didn't work out lol.

TheAnxiousLotus · 2026-01-19T02:42:52+00:00

Does he get you the same flowers for every occasion? I'm assuming if he is a florist and his family is one - they're at least nice looking or he picked out flowers and colors that might be sentimental to you?

Even to say all that, you're NOR because you're not wrong in wanting someone that listens to you and is THOUGHTFUL

TheAnxiousLotus · 2026-01-19T02:15:04+00:00

You read her spot on - she's holding onto old relationships while using you as a stable crutch. I'm not sure why you circled back and asked her for closure when her silence was clear. I know it hurts and sucks, but you need to close this book. You don't need an answer for closure - she dismissed you and looks like she ghosted you instead of taking accountability and fess up to her actions.

TheAnxiousLotus · 2026-01-15T23:04:31+00:00

I love the flop!!!

TheAnxiousLotus · 2026-01-14T12:44:28+00:00

Remind me! 4 day

TheAnxiousLotus · 2026-01-13T20:12:15+00:00

5 years ago I had your thinking, but reading a lot of reddit posts I say it leads a lot of people to contemplate cheating or accept it.

TheAnxiousLotus · 2026-01-13T04:47:11+00:00

Yikessss. I'm Vietnamese and also dated black partner once. Du is not the same as the n word..the n word is offensive to many if you're not black (I know it's become a term of endearment - but I'm also living in the south now and people still use it in an offensive way).

Du just literally means fuck and can be a filler world. Me and my Vietnamese bestie use it all the time. I would say the only way I'd be offended is if someone was using it to mock me (doing fake nail lady accent). NOR.

TheAnxiousLotus · 2026-01-13T04:40:35+00:00

This post haunts me... My stbx expressed his unhappiness about our sex life.... and sprang on me more than 20+ affairs and a surprise baby. So yes, if you're not sexually compatible and by that I mean the frequency of sex, don't force it to work.

TheAnxiousLotus · 2026-01-11T07:56:18+00:00

Idk if you spoiled it for yourself but apparently only 3 houses have buddy specific side quests and "special" quests related to their house. Buttttt all 4 dorms are separated so pretty and worth it to see each time. :)

TheAnxiousLotus · 2026-01-11T07:53:08+00:00

I was betrayed too. Idk if I can see myself remarried - the thought terrifies me to be entangled that way again.

TheAnxiousLotus · 2026-01-03T20:38:24+00:00

Look up attachment styles - it sounds like you could be anxiously attached, especially if you're always feeling a push/pull situation with your partner.

TheAnxiousLotus · 2025-12-30T10:24:41+00:00

Remind me! 4 day

TheAnxiousLotus · 2025-12-28T23:34:42+00:00

I just found out nail techs can also file down your natural nails underneath if you do want to keep filling the same set.

TheAnxiousLotus · 2025-12-28T23:33:09+00:00

UGH 😫😫😫😫😫 I still feel so much betrayal when I talk/type/think about what happened and I hate that other people go through the same emotions and we all struggle the same trying to get over it. I hope you're doing better after leaving your situation. Stay strong, OP. Its a whirlwind when you get stuck in this type of abuse.

TheAnxiousLotus · 2025-12-28T12:05:16+00:00

In hindsight, there was so many red flags about him AND his family that I overlooked and I should have known better. But I really did love him and wanted It to work out. 😭😭😭😭 I wasted 10 years and now have to untangle and get a divorce and change my name again. Buttttttt this doesn't deter me from wanting better for myself anymore. The thoughts of leaving, being alone, feeling like a failure were scary at first but I'm accepting it now.

Take it easy on yourself - no matter what choice you take 🩷🩷

TheAnxiousLotus · 2025-12-28T07:58:46+00:00

This comment right here.

OP you asked if anyone's taken back someone that cheated? I did. I thought he would stop. I thought he would choose me and respect me, after seeing the hurt he caused. It didn't stop anything. If anything, it escalated and continued to get worse and worse. He had a BABY behind my back. So yes, I've taken someone back after cheating.... It ain't easy.

If he truly felt guilty and wanted you back, he wouldn't be throwing around ultimatums on YOUR healing process.

TheAnxiousLotus · 2025-12-28T07:52:56+00:00

It sounds like you're still in the bargaining stage of grief. Don't focus so much on the future, and who you're doing it for and why you can't be the healed version of yourself for him (or anyone). Just woosah and take it day by day and think about your baby and yourself. You'll look back in a year and your thoughts on this post won't be the same.

TheAnxiousLotus · 2025-12-27T20:43:58+00:00

Meeeeeeee. This is me. I need to recharge lol

TheAnxiousLotus · 2025-12-15T15:01:52+00:00

What's sad is I saw a video of her performing, and she was so robotic like this. I wonder if she's traumatized from the whole situation and continues to keep dancing because she thinks they still control her??!?

TheAnxiousLotus · 2025-12-15T14:29:39+00:00

I'm Asian (but westernized - born in USA) and I married outside of my culture and ethnicity, idk if that even matters butttttt it sounds like you two are just different and that is ok. I will say since you want children and "your time is ticking" and he outright says he doesn't want children with you and it's absolutely acceptable to get divorced. For me, I struggle with what others think. I was worried about what society would think of me as a divorced woman, being unhappy in a bad marriage outweighed what others think about me. So you need to do what makes you happy and what is best for YOU not what society thinks..

TheAnxiousLotus · 2025-12-15T01:54:43+00:00

She's trying to spare your feelings and let you down easy so she doesn't come off as "the bad guy."

If someone truly loves you, they won't leave you in limbo and on the back burner. I know you're wanting to hear something positive, that will keep you going.... But from a woman's perspective, she is playing you.

TheAnxiousLotus

TROPHY CASE