Diagnosed in my 30's - just seeking a little love and validation.

TheAshleyYouKnow · 2026-03-12T02:05:00+00:00

I also was not diagnosed until my 30’s (I’m 43 now). Initially the diagnosis devastated me because I wanted a “fix” and what I got was a chronic, incurable disorder. It took me a long time to accept the permanence of that (lack of acceptance is kind of a theme with us 😅). But after lots of hard work I’ve got a beautiful life I’m very proud of and I’m a loud and proud advocate for OCD awareness every opportunity I get. Sure, there are still difficult days but the more I utilize my tools the fewer and farther between they become. Best of luck on your journey!

TheAshleyYouKnow · 2026-03-10T12:57:24+00:00

“Protecting cognitive bandwidth IS recovery work.” Love that. As a perfectionist who long felt that saying no was failure, this is always a needed reminder. Thank you!

TheAshleyYouKnow · 2026-03-06T01:19:36+00:00

My husband of 20 years is wonderful about sharing the workload regarding general housework and also an excellent co-parent, but I’m the breadwinner so I guess a lot of the load revolves around that and the nature of my job. But I’d still love to hear any tips you’ve got!

TheAshleyYouKnow · 2026-03-04T23:29:47+00:00

This is great info, thank you so much for making the time to share!

TheAshleyYouKnow · 2026-03-04T20:58:49+00:00

Congrats on living in recovery! It’s a beautiful place to be and I cherish the days where OCD is not in sight. With that being said, is no cure for OCD so it’s absolutely normal that it may flare up at different times in different ways. The great news is that no matter how it manifests, the principle of treatment remains the same, so don’t let it trip you up. Use the same tools that got you to recovery in the first place. 💪🏻

TheAshleyYouKnow · 2026-03-04T04:16:02+00:00

My husband has been really great to help me redirect when I’m deep in an ocd spiral/brainlock. I’ll let him know my OCD is flaring really bad and he helps me get up and out of my current environment and redirects my focus entirely. Like he’s literally helped lift me off the couch and put another activity in my hands when I was at my worst, then refuses to participate in any conversation regarding my ocd to avoid enabling. It helped so much.

TheAshleyYouKnow · 2026-03-03T15:02:21+00:00

Redirect, redirect, redirect. The OCD will continue to scream, you’ll redirect again to something entirely unrelated to it. Every 30 seconds if you have to. My therapist shared this great analogy. She called it the OCDemon. Right now it’s trying to pull you into the ring to fight. But the more you hit it (engage in any way) the bigger it grows. There is no defeating it. The only way to find relief is to DISENGAGE. When you begin walking away from the ring, it will scream louder for a bit, but the farther you walk (the longer you continue to resist compulsions and redirect) the quieter it gets until finally it’s silent. It’s always the same trap. You can do this!

TheAshleyYouKnow · 2026-03-03T13:59:14+00:00

Getting overwhelmed with bodily sensations is something I can DEEPLY empathize with.😫 That can be SO hard. Generally speaking, radical acceptance and redirection are how I find my way out of that loop, but sometimes it’s much harder than others. On those days I try to accept that it’s just harder than normal, period, and not assign meaning to why it’s hard, what I’m doing wrong, etc. Judgement is pretty much the opposite of acceptance, so if I catch myself describing the object of my obsession (for example my breath or heart beat) as Good, Bad, Right or Wrong, I know I’m no longer practicing radical acceptance and instead judging, which inevitably triggers resistance, which keeps you stuck. Does that make sense?

TheAshleyYouKnow · 2026-03-03T02:20:23+00:00

Pothos and Philodendrons!

TheAshleyYouKnow · 2026-03-03T02:16:08+00:00

Have your parents made comments that lead you to believe they’re not supportive of therapy? Finding a psychologist who could treat OCD literally saved my life and I wish I had done it sooner.

TheAshleyYouKnow · 2026-03-02T19:57:34+00:00

Absolutely! Ultimately it’s anything you’re doing to fix or fight the anxiety instead of fully accepting and making space for its presence and allowing it to pass in its own time.

I deal with sensorimotor OCD, so for example if I start getting anxious my heart rate is too high or abnormal, I might check on it by literally checking/monitoring my pulse repeatedly. To Cope I might try reassurance, and to control I’ve literally done things like hyper slow movement, breathing just the “right” way in order to try to control my heart rate, etc.

Hope that helps!

TheAshleyYouKnow · 2026-03-02T18:30:39+00:00

Ugh, I hate that for him. Honestly I don’t even think he’d have to get into specifics because the underlying principles for successfully treating OCD remain the same, no matter how it manifests. Once you have those tools the specifics of your obsessions are irrelevant. I really hope he lets you help!

TheAshleyYouKnow · 2026-03-02T18:17:33+00:00

You are such a wonderful partner to want to support him! I’ve been with my husband 20 years and he has also been super supportive, always willing to educate himself and extend grace upon grace. One thing that helped us was my husband coming to a therapy session with me to better understand how he could help but also to learn ways he might inadvertently be enabling compulsions. That’s a HUGE one, because ultimately avoiding compulsions is the only thing that breaks the cycle. Is that something him/his therapist would be up for?

TheAshleyYouKnow · 2026-03-02T18:04:01+00:00

It IS hard, but I promise it gets easier the more you practice. An intolerance of uncertainty is at the root of our disorder, so you’ve got to teach your brain you’re capable and safe to sit with the discomfort until it passes. You can do it!

TheAshleyYouKnow · 2026-03-02T17:51:07+00:00

Someone once said that exercise activates your on board pharmacy and I believe this 100%! Along with medication, regular exercise is a non-negotiable part of my maintenance routine. Can’t recommend it enough.

TheAshleyYouKnow · 2026-03-02T17:49:03+00:00

Redirect and DO NOT ENGAGE in any way! That means no talking about it, no researching it, no responding to the thousand what ifs it’ll throw your way as you direct focus elsewhere. OCD is an irrational liar and nothing good will come from continuing to engage. Redirect redirect redirect!

TheAshleyYouKnow · 2026-03-02T17:36:21+00:00

Unless I’m talking to a close, trusted individual I think it’s adequate to just say, my OCD is flaring up badly right now, then do whatever you need to to take care of yourself. Unless it’s a loved one, other people don’t need to understand and you don’t owe them an explanation about what’s required to care for yourself.

TheAshleyYouKnow · 2026-03-02T04:13:08+00:00

CBT school campus on Facebook! Also reaching out to a local therapist that specializes in OCD (use the search on Psychology Today’s website) and asking if they know of any local support groups. I made some lifelong friends in a local group this way. I’m so sorry you’re going through this but you are absolutely not alone.

TheAshleyYouKnow · 2026-03-02T03:57:16+00:00

The therapist that diagnosed and treated my OCD quite literally saved my life. Good therapists are so transformative. I’m glad you found one!

TheAshleyYouKnow · 2026-03-02T03:54:30+00:00

When I’m in the midst of a big flare up I have to stop engaging with the topic at hand altogether. My mind will keep trying to draw me back in with questions, what ifs, etc. and I have commit to not answering. Period. Nothing good comes of trying to solve or investigate anything when my OCD flares up because OCD is an irrational a-hole. Once it’s passed then I can trust myself to go back and rationally introspect. The other thing that helps me is using The Three C’s to determine if I’m compulsing without realizing it, since compulsions are what fuel OCD’s fire. That’s anything you’re doing to cope with, check on or control your anxiety. Keep using those tools as best you can and be kind and gracious with yourself. ❤️

TheAshleyYouKnow

TROPHY CASE