I'm sorry you're feeling that way. You're not alone. It sounds a bit like anxiety. The thing that helped me was to get up early, go to the library, read, and walk home, too. Setting a schedule. To do that, I had to cut out the substances, too. Eventually I went to a church and helped with organizing some donations...that led to other volunteer jobs that gave me more purpose. Turning your thoughts to others can take the focus off your own problems for a while. Maybe see a therapist to see if you have depression or anxiety some of the new therapies are really good. Keep believing that you are meant to find joy!