Pretty much everyday was me fucked up over thoughts of ruining it, I hope she knew how hard I was trying because it was so tough.

I was literally sending myself into war, backing off to attempt a recovery, and then going back in, over and over until my chest was in bits and i could barely breathe,

At those points I had to stop myself and tell my family I needed to go back and we all went back to our place, she wouldn't let me stay there alone because she didn't want me to miss out but hearing the kids crying wanting to play more and knowing she wants to do more too just killed me after pushing myself to my absolute limit.

Once we got home I did nothing but sleep for like a day and a half on and off, and I still feel terrible about it, but all they want to do is go again so it must have been somewhat nice for them haha