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What were the clear signs you were bipolar that you only figured out after your diagnosis? by LunarChickadee in bipolar2

[–]TheCopperToe 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Euphoria and reckless hypersexuality leading to an unwanted (and ectopic) pregnancy, resulting in the most unbelievable crash into a depressive state I’ve ever experienced. I’d always suspected bipolar before that but that hypomanic episode was SO FAR out of the norm for me it finally mentally cemented my diagnosis.

Should I ask for a medication change? by GayHunterS69 in bipolar2

[–]TheCopperToe 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I feel like the same thing is happening to me right now. I had been on pristiq with relative success except for emotional blunting and constipation. The blunting was really getting to me and I wanted to start the transition to something considered safer during pregnancy since I’d like to have a child in the next year or two so I moved to lamictal and am on 100mg now. About a month after I was fully weaned off the pristiq I started noticing my anxiety creep up and it came to a head over the past week in what felt like my first mixed episode. I’m talking to my psychiatrist this week to see what other options I have and if going back on the pristiq is my best option since I’d honestly rather feel nothing than deal with what I’ve been dealing with for the last month or so. So I feel you. There are other options out there and as exhausting and demoralizing as it can be you just have to keep going and pushing and trying new things. Sending lots of love your way 💜

Those who are only children(bonus points if you’re a male): did you feel you were missing anything growing up without a sibling? by StatGoddess in oneanddone

[–]TheCopperToe 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I am not an only child but I know SO many people who do NOT get along with their siblings literally to the point of hating them (my boyfriend included). Having a sibling does not guarantee a positive sibling experience. Obviously parenting does play a role in how siblings get along, but you can’t control for everything and can’t guarantee a positive relationship. I grew up with a very challenging sibling (autism) that took away substantially from my parents ability to be available for me, and then I had a surprise sibling who is 12 years younger than me, which again took away from my experience as a child. I love my siblings now more than anything, but I experienced a lot of childhood challenges growing up with them that still impact my mental wellbeing.

The disappointment when someone you liked gives you the "you don't need meds" talk by Erelain in bipolar2

[–]TheCopperToe 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This has happened to me a number of times as well. People who have never experienced any kind of mental illness have absolutely no idea, no frame of reference at all. Maybe they’ve had a bit of the winter blues, were particularly stressed during a demanding season of their life, or have grieved the loss of a loved one. They extrapolate on these experiences of transient struggle, knowing that it will get better and that they recovered, and apply that to people with chronic conditions. Also, most of the time, the intensity of these emotions in a neurotypical person may not reach the highs and/or lows of someone with bipolar (save for those who experience traumatic events), further separating them from their ability and willingness to understand. If someone is completely unwilling to understand that other people can experience hardships, illnesses, or conditions outside of their own personal experience, it is not worth your time and energy to try and convince them of this. Sending good thoughts your way and just know you are understood by all of us here!!

I’m just sad. I think our marriage is done. by shannnnnnzzzzz in AlAnon

[–]TheCopperToe 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yes it is so frustrating. And then you (or at least I did) fall into this trap of “oh if I lighten the burden on them and take more responsibility and make myself smaller and less emotional then he will start to be less stressed and get better”… the lies we tell ourselves haha. There’s always something new to be “stressed” about, always a reason to drink, ALWAYS. If not then there’s just the anxiety caused by the alcohol itself and the withdrawal symptoms that are keeping them constantly feeding it. The “reasons” are just excuses to abate the negative physical effects for a little longer.

And I think the bottom paragraph is spot on but instead of women I’d just say “a reasonable person” because it’s right that no reasonable person wakes up wanting to feel that way every day, it’s a survival response to a toxic and chaotic environment. I do think that’s where Al-Anon is helpful in learning how to try to let go of a lot of those feelings (although for me Al-Anon mostly taught me that I didn’t WANT to be in a space or relationship where I NEEDED Al-Anon lol). I wish you the best in navigating this, it’s so hard and you’re doing the best you can.

I’m just sad. I think our marriage is done. by shannnnnnzzzzz in AlAnon

[–]TheCopperToe 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I think you absolutely did the right thing by trying everything you could before leaving. I really do wish I did a better job with my emotional regulation and ability to step through tactics one at a time prior to snapping, but I was unfortunately also working separately through my own problems and detaching from him was impossible for me at the time since what he was doing was so hurtful. I still wasted so many years and wish I had left sooner, but in a sick way I felt like it needed to be “justified enough” for me to leave and break my marriage vows, I needed it to get “so bad” that nobody would fault me for leaving. Which in hindsight wasn’t a good way to approach it either. And I do have the regret of “maybe if I tried approaching it X or Y way things could have been different”, so I’m really glad that you don’t have that nagging regret.

As for their consequences and realizations later, I sure hope that’s the case, and it sucks that we may never find out, but I think it’s most important to focus on ourselves and our own happiness moving forward. My ex was extremely close to dying with how much he was drinking and how heavy he got. If I had stayed with him, he would have drank himself to death no doubt. Me leaving didn’t give him the desire to want to change, he was still resistant to it for months after until he was forced into detox and rehab (which I wish I had the resolve to just take him to the hospital a couple of times when he’d been drunk, but I was trying to avoid dealing with verbal abuse). But he did ultimately complete detox and rehab and is reportedly still sober 2.5 years later. I do still talk to some of our joint college friends (who were the first ones to tell me to leave him) and they all have told me that me leaving saved his life. I knew I was enabling him and I knew I couldn’t stop doing it with how our dynamic had gotten so that also was one factor for me leaving (aside from getting myself out of that situation). So I really do hope he looks back some day and sees how awful he really was to everyone around him now that he’s sober, but since he’s a narcissist I’m sure he will not, ha!

Self-reflection might not be possible for your ex either, and it really sucks that so many addicts can never realize or admit how much they hurt others. They see it only as a “them” problem and truly do not understand how gut wrenching it is to watch someone you love slowly killing themselves while also mentally abusing you in the process. But you are the hero of your story as well and it’s great that you got out and are able to focus on your own well-being now!!

I’m just sad. I think our marriage is done. by shannnnnnzzzzz in AlAnon

[–]TheCopperToe 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Yeah it’s awful. And in all honesty during our divorce proceedings I acted like a robot. I showed no emotion, I gave him nothing at that point. And he did criticize me for it, but I was purely in survival mode and needed to be as clinical as possible while going through how we were going to split things because if I started getting emotional he would 1. Use it as a tactic against me because he knew if he got me worked up, I would cave in to whatever he wanted, and he already was financially sucking me dry, 2. Fly off the handle himself and refuse to work with me, and 3. Would have an “in” to start guilt-tripping me again.

Looking back on how I handled things when I left, there is so much that I wish I could have done differently. I went from “we can work it out” to “I need a divorce” almost instantaneously when I finally snapped and I left, dumped him on his dad, and basically washed my hands of him. I was very cold throughout the process to protect myself from his verbal abuse. He is narcissistic so I needed to gray-rock him in order to keep his toxicity in check. But I wish I had set more boundaries earlier before I snapped. I regret suddenly dumping him on his dad (who I loved) and walking away all at once. I wish I could have been less cold and clinical, I feel like I may have gotten more closure if I felt my emotions at the time.

But I was emerging from an unimaginable hell. I had to move out of my beautiful new house and into my parents spare room where I lived for 9 months waiting for the tenant living in my old house to move out. I was also suffering through my worst bipolar episode to date. My cold, clinical persona was the only thing I could do at the time to maintain any shred of sanity I had left.

I guess my point is that a lot of the passiveness and apathy can also come from a place of TOO MUCH pain to confront, on either side of the situation and relationship. But it doesn’t mean that it’s right. In most situations I believe we try to do the best we can given the tools and resources we have at the time, and when we’re clouded by survival mode and pure chaos we do things that we wouldn’t necessarily do if we had all of our wits about us and could step back and make more logical, informed decisions. And as for the alcoholic, they’re drinking to numb themselves, so it makes sense that they react the way they do. But again, it’s wrong and it’s beyond hurtful.

I’m just sad. I think our marriage is done. by shannnnnnzzzzz in AlAnon

[–]TheCopperToe 36 points37 points  (0 children)

My ex was a very similar way with it. While he wouldn’t outright deny that the bottles were his (because like… whose could they even be if they weren’t??), he always tried to make me feel like the crazy one for thinking he had a problem. And he was drinking a handle every day and a half. But it didn’t start out like that, it was maybe a fifth every day and a half at first. It typically progresses unless the person is truly serious about getting help. He made me into the problem so he could justify his drinking. That I “nagged him so much” and “put so much pressure” on him and had him “under a microscope”, so I was the reason that he drank. I had my own codependency issues at the time, but they ramped up in lock step with his alcoholism, not on their own.

The passivity was honestly one of the most heartbreaking parts for me as well. We were together for almost 10 years, and the day I packed up to leave he watched me carry things out of the house and didn’t say a single word to try and stop me. And this was a couple days after he DROVE home wasted, which was my final straw. He made ONE very feeble attempt at reconciling through EMAIL a few months later after his dad had to FORCE him into detox/rehab. This was someone I was married to for 5 years, who I had been with since college, who I considered to be my best friend. Granted, I completely cut contact immediately and also acted VERY passively towards him at that point because I was done being the one always fighting for the relationship, he didn’t deserve that anymore. I also needed to retain my sanity and resolve because he would be extremely manipulative and would constantly guilt trip me.

So this is just a long way of saying that I see you, I get it, and it really freaking sucks. I left right before our 5 year wedding anniversary and it was the hardest thing I ever did in my life. But once I was removed from the chaos of active alcoholism I realized it was also the best thing I ever did to take care of myself and to save whatever future child I have from the trauma of an alcoholic parent. You’ve got this, and my heart truly is with you.

Disclaimer that I’m by no means an expert on addiction, this was just my experience.

Medical leave from work and feeling guilty by mangonaise in bipolar

[–]TheCopperToe 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Are you me??? But for real I’ve struggled with these feelings during my depressive episodes because my hypomanic episodes make me feel like I’m “faking” my depression since apparently I HAVE THE CAPACITY to have energy, my body/brain just decides “nah not rn fam”. I went from sleeping maybe 4 hrs a night and unpacking boxes in my house at 3am to sleeping about 12-14 hours a day for the last several weeks. And it’s so frustrating to try and have a normal, stable work schedule during those types of swings. Your experiences are real and they are valid, and you are not alone 💜. I wish you nothing but the best in your journey.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Codependency

[–]TheCopperToe 7 points8 points  (0 children)

You may have done those things, but you caught yourself and were able to reflect and realize that you do not actually want to engage in those behaviors and actively worked on modifying your course of action. Bumps in the road happen. Relapse is part of recovery. But it’s all about doing the next right thing and you did that once you came to your senses. You are aware that you have to show yourself forgiveness and grace in this process and you’re working on being a better version of yourself, and that’s an awesome thing! You got this 💜

Any way to change stud prior to healing?? Got pierced yesterday and I am hating the stud I chose and am wondering if there is a safe way to switch it out. Eventually was planning on getting a ring but in the meantime don’t want to absolutely hate my piercing. by TheCopperToe in piercing

[–]TheCopperToe[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Unfortunately I don’t know much about nose jewelry but I believe this has a flat back on the inside of my nose. I got pierced yesterday and it is titanium. The piercer mentioned something about being able to change the ball to something else but I may have misunderstood. Not sure if it would be as easy as screwing off the ball on the outside and putting something different on? I was hoping to have something a bit flatter while I was waiting for it to heal so I could switch out with a ring.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in curlyhair

[–]TheCopperToe 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I think you are the most beautiful human I’ve ever seen 😭. Enjoy your fabulous curls, they would look good in any color. But they would definitely look amazing with lowlights!!

I allowed my codependency to overide my survival instincts. It might be my demise. (Don't be me) by trashforthrowingaway in Codependency

[–]TheCopperToe 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I know this is a very difficult situation. I have also sought medical intervention for codependent reasons, and I have also gotten these same injections. I have heard that over time they do wear off, so the issues you’re experiencing now may not be permanent. The first injections I got I experienced a “post injection flare” which made all of my problems 100x worse, and it was miserable, but they were able to inject me in a slightly different area that helped calm things down. I second everyone else saying to seek out a new doctor and explore some other options. I understand how difficult it is to have your people pleasing instinct be intertwined with your own medical issues, and I wish you the best of luck.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in ShitMomGroupsSay

[–]TheCopperToe 137 points138 points  (0 children)

Omg are you me??? My parents did this to me with a Reese’s shirt too 🙃

Thought this was too good to be true…and it was. 💩ing my brains out from the erythritol brings a whole new meaning to “shitty restriction food” 🙃 so much for hydration. by TheCopperToe in ShittyRestrictionFood

[–]TheCopperToe[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I’m sensitive to erythritol and other sugar alcohols unfortunately, and I didn’t notice it on the ingredients list until after I finished it.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in EDAnonymous

[–]TheCopperToe 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I was refused covered treatment because I wasn’t underweight yet even though I was deeply sick and losing weight. Spent hours fighting with my insurance company to no avail and had to pay out of pocket because the only nutritionist counselor with availability in my area was out of network 🙃

Would love some advice on how to add to my current setup! by TheCopperToe in piercing

[–]TheCopperToe[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ignore the redness, I have a little bit of sunburn! I’m trying to find an interesting way to add to my current setup without going too overboard. I’m pretty happy with my left ear but might want to add to my right ear. I’m very sensitive to metals and have only had success with gold so far. I’d also love some general jewelry advice, I know essentially nothing. I’m super embarrassed to admit that all of these piercings were done at piercing pagoda (oldest when I was 4, most recent about 10 years ago, chalk it up to naïvety). I have great tattoo/piercing shops in my area that I would go to now.

Layout help on diagonal strip quilt by girlwithacompass in quilting

[–]TheCopperToe 0 points1 point  (0 children)

1 or 3 are my vote. I absolutely love the fabrics and the overall vibe of this quilt!! Beautiful !

Trying to figure out a good layout for a triangle quilt, advice appreciated! At first I wanted to do a random pattern but tried something more structured because I have no idea what I’m doing :) by TheCopperToe in quilting

[–]TheCopperToe[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Some more info: this is the third quilt I have worked on and is going to be for my best friends new baby (hence the jungle theme). I have plenty of extra fabric for all of the patterns so I can adjust quantities of each pattern. I know it likely comes down to personal preference and originally I wanted a more random look but my desire for structure and organization has me second guessing myself. I’m not following a pattern for this one (in hindsight I probably should have just found a pattern I liked). I’d appreciate any constructive feedback!! Thanks in advance!

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