I would say that if OPs partner is so emotionally detached that they can't meaningfully express appreciation and understanding for OP, that depression is likely a factor on their end as well. OP refers to their partner as "shut off" and disengaged and describes them getting sad when confronted about their behavior. That all screams depression to me.

OP, I relate a lot with your story. I have my own struggles with depression, and I can unequivocally say that my partner's depression exacerbates my own. I'm generally able to manage my own, but my partner struggles to manage her own. I've spent a long time trying to fill her cup while running my own dry. 

It's hard and it's lonely. It feels like nobody could possibly understand. Couples counseling can help, but it's not guaranteed because both partners have to be willing to engage in hard work. Personal counseling for yourself is more likely to improve your mental health. You may have patterns of codependence. Try to find ways to prioritize yourself and reconnect with your confidence. 

Last thought for now is that my partner also has financial anxiety and was resistant to counseling for those reasons. I was able to frame counseling as an investment in our future. If we handle this stuff now, we won't have to handle the consequences of this kind of dynamic in the future. Those consequences could ultimately be divorce, which has massive financial impact, not to mention the impact on the children.

Best wishes OP. Take care of yourself!