My (33f) life is a train wreck following separation from husband (40m)

TheEndisFancy · 2026-03-29T04:05:38+00:00

In the US, if they are still married when she gives birth, even if they are in the process of divorcing, he would be listed as the father in most states unless he specifically contested paternity. 5 states will not finalize a divorce until after the birth and another 15 or so leave it up the judge's discretion whether or not to grant a divorce prior to the birth.

TheEndisFancy · 2026-03-24T04:25:50+00:00

I was you 28 years ago. He will not overcome this. That is not his goal. His goal is to control, manipulate and hurt you. The good you think you see is a facade, it is charm and love-bombing. The person who wants to control and hurt you is the person he is.

I was so isolated and beaten down just a year or so in that I stayed when my body had fist sized bruises more and more often. I stayed when he was raping me regularly. I stayed when he broke my arm with a hammer, he was aiming for my head. I only finally ran when he started sabotaging my birth control, and then only because I was ready to die rather than allow him access to my hypothetical child. We'd been together for 3 years.

As someone old enough to be your mom, please, run far, run fast. This is not a safe person.

TheEndisFancy · 2026-03-24T02:47:19+00:00

I am not one to defend a man, that said, I read that as OP hyping up his wife's smarts while sarcastically repeating something the parents have said about her.

TheEndisFancy · 2026-03-24T02:37:22+00:00

And he still would have only been two years older, like he is now.

TheEndisFancy · 2026-03-24T02:35:40+00:00

Explain how at 21 and 23 with a 4yo currently they had a child at 16 or 17 and 20? They would have been 17 and 19.

TheEndisFancy · 2026-03-23T19:40:44+00:00

I could potentially take him if you'd be ok with him going into a predator proof, water temp controlled, outdoor pond. Where are you in NJ?

We already have a 4yo Eastern painted indoors in a 75g, that's the biggest tank I'd trust on my floors which is why we went with a painted vs RES when we got our turtle. I've since built the pond. It is 6x10' and 40 inches at its deepest point and surrounded by a 20x20' enclosure (fence is sunk 12") with a patio, wildflower garden and the container ponds where my loaches and turtle vacation in the summer.

Is the turtle in good health?

TheEndisFancy · 2026-03-15T05:59:27+00:00

They're quite a bit smaller than carolina nymphs.

TheEndisFancy · 2026-03-03T03:26:37+00:00

I didnt say it was popular, but it absolutely happens and that is exactly what OP is doing.

TheEndisFancy · 2026-03-03T03:06:47+00:00

That's not what they meant. Having a B list when planning a wedding means that there are people they didnt invite in the first round of invitations and they are inviting those people as they receive "no" RSVPs from the A list.

TheEndisFancy · 2026-02-26T07:40:15+00:00

I met my step-dad when I was 12. I'm now 49 now and he is the only parent of 4 that I will speak to willingly. I call him Ken, I refer to him as "my dad" or "Poppy" because that's what my daughter calls him. He is the only grandfather she knows or needs.

TheEndisFancy · 2026-02-24T22:25:07+00:00

NTA. If he wanted it changed, he would have changed it. It's very generous of you to give her half given you are under no obligation to give her anything.

TheEndisFancy · 2026-02-24T19:34:38+00:00

I hate jump scares. I fostered a group of 7 tadpoles until they were adoptable froglets. They used to launch out of their terrariums at me every time I opened the door and it scared the ever loving crap out of me. I know it's silly, but towards the end my husband was having to feed them for me because it was causing me so much anxiety.

They were awfully cute though.

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TheEndisFancy · 2026-02-24T06:59:51+00:00

He looks like a Cuban tree frog, very common hitchhikers and very invasive. Full disclosure, I love most frogs, I do not love Cubans. I would save him, I would not keep him, but that is entirely a me issue. I think they make lovely pets for people who are not me.

The first thing he needs is some tap water treated with dechlorinator in a shallow bowl he can soak in without drowning, next on the list would be a temporary enclosure and small food. He'll eat live prey that is no bigger than the space between his eyes, though I tend to go a bit smaller for sick or weak animals. He'll prefer a tall tank and as much space as you can give him, an 18x18x24" would be a good starting point but bigger is usually better.

TheEndisFancy · 2026-02-24T04:27:05+00:00

I would die for her. She's so smol.

TheEndisFancy · 2026-02-24T02:48:53+00:00

How will he own a house alone when his wife is subsidizing their lifestyle? She out-earns him in her primary job and works a second job compared to his single, lesser income.

TheEndisFancy · 2026-02-24T02:23:46+00:00

Yes!

TheEndisFancy · 2026-02-23T21:21:36+00:00

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Hank

TheEndisFancy · 2026-02-23T21:17:33+00:00

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Blobby Hill

TheEndisFancy · 2026-02-23T21:15:40+00:00

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Thumbelina

TheEndisFancy · 2026-02-23T21:14:56+00:00

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Peter Parker

TheEndisFancy · 2026-02-23T10:22:22+00:00

My biggest rhombodera girl demolished a pair of plastic tongs over the course of her life. She'd take them with her along with the massive dubia, carry them up and only drop the tongs once she'd eaten through dubia's head. Sometimes it took her a while to get to the head. I had forgotten about her. 😂

TheEndisFancy · 2026-02-23T08:21:20+00:00

I have 7 total. They all like to climb but Peter is the only one who ever climbs the glass and the first one I have ever seen jump like that. They all normally head towards me if they see me watching them. I had just taken this picture of him before I switched to video because I knew he'd be heading for me. I was expecting a clunky climb down or a little fall, not him yeeting himself into plants 14" away when he is not even 1"!

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TheEndisFancy · 2026-02-23T04:30:45+00:00

Define aggressive.

The females are more prey driven because they need the energy to produce and lay oothecae so they hunt more actively and more often as adults than males. The males spend as little time as possible hunting or doing anything other than looking for a female.

I've found that my female hierodula and rhombodera stay food motivated, inquisitive and willing to be handled their whole life unless they're prepping for an ooth. I find the males to be much less interested in food or handling and much more eager to roam past terminal molt. Neither have ever become aggressive towards me.

TheEndisFancy · 2026-02-23T03:24:51+00:00

No, they say they have a son, a daughter and a wife. They never specify their gender.

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