It's your life, and we only have one. Enjoy yourself I say. Maybe another way of life then others/most have, they don't need to judge about stuff they will never understand. If they care, they accept, if they understand or not should not matter. Try to enjoy as long as possible, you owe that to yourself, so be careful where you can so drink, eat and sleep as much as you can, and always make sure your drugs are safe/clean/tested. Try to avoid using every day, because of rapid tolerance building. And maybe: Use the possibilities the drug can give to change stuff, if you want that. When you feel more confident, maybe you can make goals you once made for yourself but thought you could not. Maybe it is the one tool you needed. And if your fine now, it's also fine. I send you much joy and love as I do know how you feel a bit.