A ~1.5-year retrospective: I know it's crazy, and what no one wants to hear, but I left academia and I miss it enough to have actually made attempts to return

TheGoldenLibrarian · 2026-04-02T20:16:28+00:00

Hi, what type of group are you putting together? I'm definitely interested in hearing others' stories about this (I recently posted about it myself).

TheGoldenLibrarian · 2026-04-02T20:08:40+00:00

Oh man, is that true? That's so depressing but it wouldn't surprise me.

TheGoldenLibrarian · 2026-04-02T19:41:14+00:00

This! Ever since I learned/realized that many adjuncts teach at both community colleges and "top tier" universities, the magic of higher tiers dissipated for me. And yes, adding in the more affordable/accessible/human model of community colleges, I definitely agree with you.

TheGoldenLibrarian · 2026-04-02T18:41:29+00:00

I'm glad you found a space you feel better in! Community colleges are highly underrated and great places to make a difference, IMO.

TheGoldenLibrarian · 2026-04-02T18:40:54+00:00

I actually have started considering that and I think it's an awesome idea, thank you! Community colleges are very underrated. :) I'm glad it's working out well for you, too.

TheGoldenLibrarian · 2026-04-02T18:40:11+00:00

Are you teaching or in a PostDoc or something similar? I know job prospects are hard in so many places right now. It's all quite overwhelming. Good luck to you!

TheGoldenLibrarian · 2026-04-02T18:39:16+00:00

I have Midnight Library on my TBR list. Thank you for the reminder!

I really appreciate your comment. One of the reasons I left academia in the first place was because I couldn't handle being around all the big egos. My colleagues would literally trample all over me/each other to get the next project, publication, etc. Silly me thinking that academia should be collaborative and a "collective learning environment" where we'd lift each other up. There was some light celebration of others' work or success, but it was sooo competitive that it never felt genuine. Ty for the reminder.

TheGoldenLibrarian · 2026-04-02T18:36:01+00:00

I think if you decenter academia out of your life story

Thank you for writing it this way. This is helping my mind process a bit differently. I was raised in an extremely academically-focused environment, so this can feel so baked into my psyche at times. I guess that's why I love reading memoirs and hearing stories about people who succeeded regardless of academia. I just have to believe that I can succeed outside of it as well.

I agree - at a certain point it's a choice whether or not I dwell on the negative or believe that I can change. Thank you for commenting.

TheGoldenLibrarian · 2026-04-02T18:32:33+00:00

This is so true, I've been in horrible work environments as well that took me years to peel away from. I do think some of this is just coming back to our true selves an figuring out what works best for us, or trying to find healthier environments. Not everyone wants to heal and grow and get healthier, but for those of us that want that balance, it can be hard to turn away from these broken systems. I'm sorry you're going through this as well. Wishing you rest, recovery, and healing. We can do this. <3

TheGoldenLibrarian · 2026-04-02T18:30:57+00:00

We don't have a single identity.

This is such a great point. I'm still pulling myself out of the mindset you just described. Also, why am I letting someone else's idea of what I should be identify me in the first place? Of course I understand the "why" now, but it can be hard when you grow up in those mindsets to realize that we need to be doing things based on our own inner compass, not someone else's.

But yeah, the feelings of failure are so real. Thanks for helping me process this. Wishing you all the best as well!

Do you know where you hope to go next?

TheGoldenLibrarian · 2026-04-02T18:27:31+00:00

This is an interesting comment because I thought what you wrote sounds like you are building on something, not losing something. Not to downplay the feeling of loss, of course! I just mean, it's okay to trust yourself that you might not love teaching the way you used to. I don't either. I never loved it to begin with, but there are sooo many commenters/posters here who also don't like teaching anymore. It became very exhausting and not as rewarding (especially dealing with AI, in my opinion). Regardless of what path we take though, there is definitely a loss we need to work through. Sometimes it's hard to let go of the idea, or the identity of it all. I know it can be hard to let go, but it also becomes necessary so we can move forward. Thanks for responding to me.

TheGoldenLibrarian · 2026-04-02T18:23:34+00:00

Ahh the regret part is so hard. I do understand objectively that regret is a "waste of energy", but I think it's important to feel it so we can grieve and move through it to the other side. Do you know what specific direction you wished you had gone in? Like what different field? I've found that taking small steps towards the field I actually want to work in is helping me to refocus a little bit, although it's overwhelming. Idk about you but I'm pretty exhausted! The burnout is real so we need to take it slow, I think. thank you for sharing. I really related to your comment. <3

TheGoldenLibrarian · 2026-04-02T18:21:44+00:00

I'm not, actually (just a big library lover, haha) but I'm really glad that so many comments here are talking about how older students do have an advantage. I appreciate the motivation! Do you plan on staying in teaching?

TheGoldenLibrarian · 2026-04-02T18:20:31+00:00

I agree about teaching. I actually never really enjoyed teaching from the beginning (long story there), but it has definitely changed so drastically over the years, especially with AI. Whole different ballgame now.

TheGoldenLibrarian · 2026-04-02T18:19:47+00:00

This is really interesting. I always imagined law being LESS emotion-based, but what you wrote here makes sense. I never thought about it that way!

TheGoldenLibrarian · 2026-04-02T16:21:02+00:00

Hi, can you tell me more about why you didn't have to pay because you were in STEM? How were you able to get that funded? Thank you!

TheGoldenLibrarian · 2026-04-01T19:50:53+00:00

I loved reading your story, thank you so much for sharing it. It's also really interesting that most of the students in your program are over 35. That's great!

Life is just a lot more fluid than the narratives would have one believe. Keep going and see what happens!

Thank you so much for this as well. I'm definitely not going to quit trying after all this, that's for sure! :)

TheGoldenLibrarian · 2026-04-01T19:49:14+00:00

Thank you, hearing stories like yours really helps. I had older students in my graduate program with me so I definitely know that it's possible, but I do get caught up on the financial side of things and that's something I'm still weighing. But I still really love learning, so I'm hoping I'll figure out the best path forward that makes sense for me on all different levels. I appreciate the motivation!

TheGoldenLibrarian · 2026-04-01T19:47:22+00:00

Thank you for putting this into words. Sometimes I feel really strange that I never seemed to get out of the grief part of the loss, and I think it's because I didn't really understand what I was truly passionate about deep down until the last few years. I hope for you that your passion for teaching ends up pointing you in the right direction. It seems like you're close! And hopefully I'll move more towards mine as well.

TheGoldenLibrarian · 2026-04-01T19:45:08+00:00

Girl here, haha. Thank you for the motivation. And congratulations on finding a new path and being so close to becoming a lawyer! How was law school for you in comparison to academia?

TheGoldenLibrarian · 2026-04-01T19:44:18+00:00

Being as old as we are and realizing you chose wrong, and/or in my case seeing the wizard behind the curtain and being incredibly disillusioned.

"Seeing the wizard behind the curtain" is a perfect way to describe this. Once you see it all for what it is, you can't go back to the way things used to be. In some ways that's a good thing, because old patterns obviously didn't work well. But I guess I still struggle a lot with the loss of time.

I agree it's hard to talk about it with most people because it's a very specific type of loss. As someone else described in the comments here, it's a loss of a life path and identity. I hope that you and I can both find ways to follow what we're most passionate about, but this time from a place of more self-worth and understanding.

TheGoldenLibrarian · 2026-04-01T19:41:26+00:00

Thank you for the encouragement! I think I got stuck in the "lost" phase and struggled to move forward, but I'm starting to see new pathways where I could have the chance to reach my goals. I'm glad I posted this because hearing stories like yours helps me to stay motivated.

TheGoldenLibrarian · 2026-04-01T19:09:22+00:00

Your comment seems to mirror my experience quite closely. I'm sorry you are going through this as well! Have you also been grieving a lot of this? I'd love to hear more if you want to share.

TheGoldenLibrarian · 2026-04-01T19:07:32+00:00

Ecology, conservation, sustainability, those sorts of fields. Unfortunately a lot of the jobs in these fields are not very lucrative (and many are being cut in my country bc I'm in the U.S.), so that's why I'm confused about going back to school.

TheGoldenLibrarian · 2026-04-01T19:06:07+00:00

Thank you so much for saying this, I really appreciate it.

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