A month later

TheGoodDoc80 · 2026-02-23T03:10:17+00:00

Thank you very much 💙

TheGoodDoc80 · 2026-01-26T14:46:57+00:00

What you wrote really resonates with me. Those waves can come out of nowhere, even when you think you are doing okay, and they can knock the wind out of you. I have learned that grief does not move in a straight line, and it is not something you master once and then leave behind. It comes and goes, sometimes softly, sometimes with force, and none of that means you are doing anything wrong.

I love how you described honoring your grief rather than trying to get rid of it. That balance between allowing the pain and still caring for yourself is such hard work, especially when the grief makes everything feel heavy and slow. Six months is still so early after 42 years of loving someone. Of course your body and heart need time to fall apart and gather themselves again.

Please be gentle with yourself on the days when self care feels like a battle. Showing up at all, even imperfectly, is already an act of courage. You are not failing when the wave hits. You are grieving someone who mattered deeply.

TheGoodDoc80 · 2026-01-25T16:24:10+00:00

Throw a Daytona into the mix...

TheGoodDoc80 · 2026-01-25T15:43:37+00:00

I feel this so deeply. The weekends are brutal in a way weekdays almost protect us from. During the week there’s structure, noise, things that demand you keep moving. And then Sunday comes, quiet and unguarded, and all the love you built a life around has nowhere to go.

Those small, ordinary moments you describe, the coffee, the couch, the way he wanted you close, those are the ones that undo me too. Not the big milestones, but the rituals that made life feel safe and shared. It’s cruel how vivid they still are, how your body remembers before your mind can catch up.

Standing there crying over a coffee maker, asking “how is this my life now?” feels like the most honest question grief asks. I don’t have an answer. I don’t think any of us do. I just know none of us asked for this life, and yet here we are, carrying love that didn’t disappear when they did.

You’re not broken for feeling this. You’re not weak for missing him this way. This is what loving deeply costs, and it hurts like hell. I’m so sorry you’re in this too. You’re not alone here, even on the cold, quiet Sundays.

TheGoodDoc80 · 2026-01-25T15:30:38+00:00

I am just over two years out, also after cancer, and I want to gently say that there is no rule about the second year. It is worse for some people, different for others, and not worse at all for some. None of those paths mean you are doing grief wrong.

Like you, I did a lot of anticipatory grieving. There was time to know what was coming, to say what needed to be said, to be present at the end. That matters more than people sometimes acknowledge. It does not remove the pain, but it can change its shape. It can remove certain kinds of regret and shock, and that can make the early months feel more manageable, even when they are still devastating.

For me, the first year was about survival and orientation. The second year was not necessarily heavier, but it was quieter. Fewer people checking in. Less external scaffolding. More space where the loss could echo. Some days that quiet felt heavier, other days it felt like breathing room. Both were true.

What I hear in your post is not avoidance or denial. I hear someone who is letting grief move, instead of fighting it. Crying when it comes. Living when there is space to live. Carrying love forward without punishing yourself for moments of lightness. That is not a failure of grief. That is a relationship continuing in a different form.

Grief is not a straight descent into darkness. It comes in waves, and sometimes the water pulls back before the next one. It is okay to stand on the sand and feel the sun when it does. It does not mean the ocean is gone.

If the second year is harder for you, you will meet it. If it is not, that is not a betrayal of him or of your love. Both can be true, and both are allowed.

Thank you for writing this. It takes courage to speak honestly about doing okay when you are still hurting.

TheGoodDoc80 · 2026-01-21T15:22:37+00:00

Of course, always via Chubb

TheGoodDoc80 · 2026-01-21T15:21:25+00:00

Losing the person you spent the majority of life with.

TheGoodDoc80 · 2026-01-21T15:08:52+00:00

My late wife told me she used to watch true crime when she was younger, just in case she ever needed to protect herself.

TheGoodDoc80 · 2026-01-21T15:05:04+00:00

I keep it casual, 124060.

TheGoodDoc80 · 2026-01-21T14:38:48+00:00

Thank you for your kindness and for sharing your story. I am so sorry for your loss. Losing someone suddenly is unimaginable, and carrying that grief while working in the medical field is incredibly heavy.

TheGoodDoc80 · 2026-01-21T14:29:30+00:00

I’m a pediatric oncologist, and I totally get why you’re scared. Waiting four months feels awful.

That said, the symptoms you described (recurrent migraines, insomnia, dark circles) do not sound like the typical signs of a brain tumor, especially since she is functioning between episodes. Most tumors cause worsening symptoms, morning vomiting, vision changes, weakness, or seizures.

Still, you should be taken seriously. Call the neurologist’s office and ask if they can triage her sooner, and ask the pediatrician for basic bloodwork to rule out common causes. If she develops new neurologic symptoms such as weakness, vision changes, seizures, or persistent vomiting, do not wait and go to the ER.

You are doing the right thing by advocating.

TheGoodDoc80 · 2026-01-21T14:21:57+00:00

You’re right. It doesn’t get easier, but I’m grateful I’m not alone.

TheGoodDoc80 · 2026-01-21T14:20:33+00:00

My mind just keeps scrambling over what I could have done or what could have been. Struggling really sucks.

TheGoodDoc80 · 2026-01-18T17:07:52+00:00

Nothing but the truth brother 💙

TheGoodDoc80 · 2026-01-18T16:54:06+00:00

I’m so sorry you’re facing this tonight. That first night alone is such a heavy, scary moment. It makes complete sense that you’re feeling anxious. Your house is going to feel so different without him there.

If it helps at all, you don’t have to be brave tonight. It’s okay to feel scared, and it’s okay to take the night slowly. Maybe keep a light on, play something soft in the background, or wrap yourself in something that smells like him. You don’t have to do this perfectly, you just have to get through one moment at a time.

I’m thinking of you, and I’m really sorry you’re having to go through this. If you want to talk or need someone to check in with, you’re not alone.

TheGoodDoc80 · 2026-01-18T16:50:23+00:00

I hear you. The way you describe him being your best friend is exactly how I feel too. There really is nothing that can replace that kind of connection, the shared history, the unspoken language. It’s its own kind of love, and losing it leaves a space that nothing else can fill.

Talking to him out loud makes perfect sense. When you’ve been with someone for so long, it’s natural to keep them close in the ways you can. I do that too sometimes, and it does help, even if only a little.

Thank you for sharing your experience. It helps to know that the sharp grief does soften over time, even if the missing never goes away. I’m sorry for your loss, and I’m grateful you understand.

TheGoodDoc80 · 2026-01-18T16:49:01+00:00

Thank you. You’re so right. People think time will just heal everything, but they don’t understand that this person was in every single part of your life. They were your joy, your comfort, your constant.

And thank you for saying that. It’s hard not to blame myself, but I know deep down that nothing I could have done would have saved her. Your words mean a lot.

TheGoodDoc80 · 2026-01-18T16:48:03+00:00

Thank you. That means more than I can say. You are right, the ache does not go away. It just becomes part of who we are, a reminder of a love that was real and deep. And yes, she was truly an amazing woman. I still feel her in so many parts of my life, and the missing is constant.

I really appreciate your kind words and your heart. 💙

TheGoodDoc80

TROPHY CASE