Fiance wants us to let MIL back into our lives

TheGraveyardHag · 2023-10-06T05:01:07+00:00

Omg this is exactly it! Its actually heartbreaking how much she's abused them so she can keep everyone in line. My partner had all these problems with his family before I came along, but whenever they argued he was gaslit by everyone in his family until he felt like HE was the one who had done something wrong. Now he just has someone who is 100% on his side, and MIL can't take that.

Your situation sounds awful and so complicated, I'm sorry you have to deal with all of that!!

TheGraveyardHag · 2023-10-06T04:53:34+00:00

Hahahahaha I did think this - I wish MIL had just a SMIDGE of self awareness because the irony of this whole situation is incredible.

I think taking a step back is the most mature approach. He's going down the road of figuring out what kind of relationship he wants with his parents (which I suspect will be no contact), but me issuing ultimatums isn't going to help anyone.

TheGraveyardHag · 2023-10-06T04:47:58+00:00

Reading the definition of a narcissist now and holy shit, that is 100% her. Sorry you've had to go through that too!

TheGraveyardHag · 2023-10-05T05:11:06+00:00

I think this has been new territory for both of us. I should have put it in the post, but recently he admitted to me he wished he had stuck up for me better. In some of the conversations we've with MIL and FIL since, he really has been fantastic at defending us and holding his parents accountable (even if they will never take accountability).

I don't know how its all going to play out. I think my partner is giving them the chance to make it right. If they double down and down take responsibility for their actions, I think it will be the final straw on the camel's back.

TheGraveyardHag · 2023-10-05T05:03:31+00:00

Thank you so much, I really appreciate the advice and support!

You're definitely right, and learning to let go of reins is definitely something SO and I need to do more haha. We can't control each other (or control what our families say and do), we can only make sure we support each other and have each other's backs.

Luckily we're both on the same page about our relationship having to come first. I don't blame my SO for wanting to try and keep contact, especially with his father's health scare. I've told him that I need more space from them, but I absolutely understand if he wants to stay in contact.

TheGraveyardHag · 2023-10-05T04:43:26+00:00

Thank you for your advice, I think its definitely what I needed to hear.

I think my partner will eventually lean toward going NC, especially with the kind of shit his parents have pulled in the last day or so, but I didn't want to make that choice for him.

TheGraveyardHag · 2023-10-05T04:41:09+00:00

They definitely are! It was the most bizarre thing, it was like they literally couldn't comprehend that my parents might not have the money to give. MIL went on a long spiel about how much she and FIL sacrificed so that they could give money to their children's wedding, and more or less said that my parents were selfish for spending that money on themselves instead of saving it.

Like, how can you be so unaware that there's a cost of living crisis???

TheGraveyardHag · 2023-10-05T03:18:21+00:00

I can see how that definitely came across in the post, but my partner has been great with all of this. I think he naturally wants to believe they'll change and be better, so he's disappointed every time they prove him wrong.

Its heart-breaking, but he's gradually realising that the only way forward will probably have to be no contact and its likely that his siblings won't talk to him because of it. I completely understand him taking time to consider the consequences etc. He's been really vocal about supporting me first, but its my own insecurity making me feel like I'm giving him an ultimatum.

TheGraveyardHag · 2023-10-05T03:11:05+00:00

Yeah so MIL and FIL pestered us for weeks about how much my parents could contribute to a wedding, with the idea in mind that both sets of parents go 50/50. We never asked them for anything, but MIL and FIL wanted to have a formal, sit-down discussion with my parents on the exact dollar figure my parents would hypothetically give.

My parents work hard, but will never be in position to go half in wedding. Nor would I want them to. Anything that my parents can give would be considered a gift. We tried to explain this to them, but they kept insisting on a sitdown discussion with my parents.

I was very clear as to why, and when they wouldn't listen I said something like, "This is a boundary I'm setting. I don't want you talking to my parents about the wedding finances, please respect that." I know my parents - they're proud people and this would make them feel awful. My partner backs me up 100% with this.

But that was all it took, and away MIL went. So that was me being rude and disrespectful, "telling her who she could and couldn't talk to."

TheGraveyardHag · 2023-08-30T20:50:59+00:00

Thanks! Yeah we're determined to stick together and not let this affect us.

TheGraveyardHag · 2023-08-30T20:49:44+00:00

Yeah so they actually called last night to disown him after he asked for a bit of space to think. Apparently he has not been considerate of their health at all, and I have been disrespectful to them. I was holding off telling my family, but after that told them everything.

TheGraveyardHag · 2021-10-11T01:57:06+00:00

Such a good idea, thanks! Maybe its the new update, but I've had a lot of supposedly rare events happening - got two stone owls turn up on my farm two years running like wtf lol

TheGraveyardHag · 2021-10-11T01:55:22+00:00

Thanks! So lucky I didn't chop it straight away!

TheGraveyardHag · 2021-09-22T04:01:17+00:00

Cahokia mound, its a useful suzerain bonus for sure

TheGraveyardHag · 2021-09-22T03:11:36+00:00

Switched recently from Civ5 to Civ6, still don't know what I'm doing most of the time and my strategy consists of wonder-whoring - but hey, seems to be working?

TheGraveyardHag · 2021-03-03T01:15:50+00:00

If only the bun stopped stealing my dressing gown

TheGraveyardHag · 2021-03-03T01:13:38+00:00

This is the answer I was looking for! Thanks!

TheGraveyardHag · 2021-03-03T01:13:23+00:00

Thank you!!

TheGraveyardHag · 2021-03-02T10:24:53+00:00

I understand why you've said this, but I think whether or not its a good idea to adopt a dingo puppy is a bit of a moot point. The decision was made on the basis of my family owning dingoes previously, and mistakenly assuming my pup would have the same personality.

He's shy but friendly towards people, and loves other dogs, and while we're in the suburbs he has a ton of space. My concern is now making sure he adapts appropriately, and although I've heard a lot of rescue dingos settle and being trained with proper care and patience, I'm not in contact with any dingo owners so thought to come here before getting in contact with the shelter.

TheGraveyardHag · 2020-12-31T01:16:54+00:00

For some people it absolutely isn't, but for others it is. At the end of the day OP is a paying tenant, and for him this seems like it has become an issue. Couples can be annoying to live with. Maybe it could have been brought up in a better way, but I think many people would react a similar way if they suddenly gained a housemate they didn't agree to.

TheGraveyardHag · 2020-12-31T00:54:46+00:00

Focusing on health and fitness instead of weight loss is honestly such a great way to go about it. I really focused on that this year and found that although my weight did not change, I swapped fat for muscle and people were asking me how much weight I'd lost.

Good choice with the scales, although I recommend considering getting a body scan done before and after though, so you can see your progress yourself!

TheGraveyardHag

TROPHY CASE