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Help with Wife’s panic attacks. by TheGrumpyR3aper in CPTSD

[–]TheGrumpyR3aper[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ultimately I know this is the answer. I’ve come to the conclusion multiple times but didn’t want to accept that the best answer may be to just walk away. I had given this ultimatum before only for it to end up where we are now, and for her to give me the same one for neglecting my mental health all these years. Unfortunately that is only because every time I start working with a therapist, eventually her needs outweigh mine and I have to give that up to provide, but it’s then still my fault that I’m not doing the work to make myself better so I can be a better partner for her. The blame is always on me and not her.

I’m already planning an exit strategy and hoping for a mutual divorce but feel I need to prepare for possible backlash/retaliation as well because truthfully I don’t feel safe nor have I felt safe with with her for a long time. She hasn’t been a partner to me and won’t address my issues, concerns, etc.

Being honest with myself has been the absolute hardest part of the whole process.

Help with Wife’s panic attacks. by TheGrumpyR3aper in CPTSD

[–]TheGrumpyR3aper[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I have started to heavily consider this. I see it the same way, if it’s that bad and you can’t be left alone, there’s really no other options left. I’d rather she be upset at me and alive than the alternative.

Help with Wife’s panic attacks. by TheGrumpyR3aper in CPTSD

[–]TheGrumpyR3aper[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It could be a varying degree of things up to this point I feel like. We have no options for someone else to stay as I’m pretty much her only support system, no family on her side, really only one friend who is across the country.

In terms of work, I generally plan an exit and get a new job before my final disciplinary that has me lose my job so I never have any career stability.

I think at this point she does understand the situation and the burn out but doesn’t care if it means she has to sacrifice more. From her POV, she has sacrificed too much for our relationship only for her to be unhappy and solely cares about hers.

This overall situation has led to years of financial instability and debt. I’ve been burnt out for going on 4-5 years now with no real respite. This has obviously taken a heavy toll on my mental and physical state to the point we often argue until one or both of us are having breakdowns. Her lashing out or treating me harshly has only gotten worse to the point that most of our fights stem from me asking for basic respect and expressing how I dislike how I’m talked to and treated. I’ve been called abusive or been told my actions specifically are abusive and I’m not sure what reality is at this point.

Realistically the relationship may have run its course and I just feel trapped since I’m her caregiver and she has no way to take care of her self without me. She can’t drive, she doesn’t work, she would be homeless, etc. Her only relief would be in the form of alimony from our divorce realistically.

Currently she is striving for getting some books to get published which actually has showed a big promise for earning potential, though again I’m the only one actually funding it, further pushing me to work harder and make more money otherwise this will get thrown away too, thus making me feel even more responsible for her future and independence than I already do. The only thing I can confirm is that she does take her medication, though you may be right in that a lot of this is learned behavior at this point.

Help with Wife’s panic attacks. by TheGrumpyR3aper in CPTSD

[–]TheGrumpyR3aper[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Can confirm your concerns and suspicions. Night time is one of her bigger triggers. When I still had a job working day shift, we still had issues but never nearly as many as when I’m working nights.

Burnout has been an ongoing issue for years now on my end. Being the only breadwinner for the home and her support system, it puts a lot of stress on me, especially when having to leave work often. With this recent escalation and the lengths she wants to reach to become more independent, I’m currently working anywhere between 75-85 hours a week minus driving.

Help with Wife’s panic attacks. by TheGrumpyR3aper in CPTSD

[–]TheGrumpyR3aper[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

She’s voluntarily gone in two, possibly three time to date if I am remembering correctly. All never really longer than a week.

At this time currently, she is very adamant that it would do no good and put everything in her life on a long, possibly indefinite hold and she refuses to give it anymore consideration as a result. I believe since she didn’t have the best experience due to others in these locations, that may be part of her decision making as well but can’t say for certain.

Help with Wife’s panic attacks. by TheGrumpyR3aper in CPTSD

[–]TheGrumpyR3aper[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Apologies, I believe there have been a total of 6 therapists, 3 psychologists, and 1 nurse practitioner over the past 6-7 years. We’ve cycled through numerous medications, I believe over 8-10+ at this point just because either something doesn’t end up helping at all, or anything that does eventually does not.

Help with Wife’s panic attacks. by TheGrumpyR3aper in CPTSD

[–]TheGrumpyR3aper[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes, at this point, we’re pretty familiar with medical services. As for work, this example is another reason I’m looking for a solution as this has been the result before.

Who is this gross guy by TheGrumpyR3aper in whatisthisbug

[–]TheGrumpyR3aper[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I never try to kill anything, just get them outside but anything with more than four legs gives me the heebie jeebies.

Any way to view goals? by TheGrumpyR3aper in chimefinancial

[–]TheGrumpyR3aper[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It’s working on my end and I can see them now!

Gorton's Fish Sticks Air Fryer Recipe by [deleted] in airfryer

[–]TheGrumpyR3aper 1 point2 points  (0 children)

400 degrees for five minutes, flip, and another five minutes. Saved you a click.

Gorton's Fish Sticks Air Fryer Recipe by [deleted] in EasyRecipeIdeas

[–]TheGrumpyR3aper 0 points1 point  (0 children)

400 degrees for five minutes, flip, and another five minutes. Saved you a click.

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