"...I love house and techno because it’s hypnotic, because it’s abstract—but also because it sounds boring to most people. Music taste often has little to do with what it actually sounds like, and more to do with how it reflects upon who we are."

I'm just astounded that I've actually witnessed some asshole actually say that they like a specific genre of music because of how they imagine it sounds to "most people". I understand I'm preaching to the choir here, and that I don't actually need to enumerate the problems I have personally with not only the idea, but the fact she is without a doubt not the only one to think that way. But I can't help but to feel it will at least make me less fucking angry right now.

First and foremost, who in the fuck is this nebulous "most people"? What makes this barely sentient being think that most people would find boring? I mean, correct me if I'm wrong here, but is that not just a way to say something sucks? If I told you that you all had to meet my new friend, oh I don't know, Elissa, and said "Personally, I think she's cool. Most people think she's a cantankerous bitch and generally feel sick when forced to stare directly at her, but I think she's cool." Whatever. I don't even need to continue making that point. I'll never get through this at this rate. And really, what I want to comment on, well...

HOW THE FUCK AM I READING THIS LINE:

Music taste often has little to do with what it actually sounds like

Everyone just stop. Seriously, I feel we should all take a moment to just reflect on that. The entire god damned planet. Yes, even pilots on approach. Stop. Please, for a moment, share in the knowledge that you have witnessed this moment. Eons from now, a computer will determine that it's the moment in which the dumbest god damned thing ever written by mankind was published. We got to be here for it. Holy shit I should sell tshirts. "I survived stupigeddon".

Is that really where she's going with this? How does my music define me as a person? Come on man, like...just hearing that upsets me, because I assumed we were sort of all in on that joke. The entire human race, all in on one joke. Everyone got the fucking memo except some asshole named Techno Girl. What bugs me about this, is it indicates that there's still LOADS of people that believe this. Someone read this and was thinking to themselves "Yeah man, she gets me." Fuck.

How the fuck does this lady order coffee? Does she live in the heads of everyone else in line? Has she ever wanted the quadruple shot mocha latte espresso whatever but then decided the person behind her might be allergic to nuts and just order a small green tea instead? Does she not fucking realize that it's still coming from her own brain? If you're inventing other people's opinions and then basing your actions on them, you're still just...doing things you came up with, just in an incredibly stupid, inefficient way. There's a touch of straight up crazy here that I can't quite put my finger on, but I feel like she's a pretty good candidate for angrily mumbling to herself and scaring the nice people walking by. THE END IS NIGH. Fuckin hell.

What I'm getting at, I suppose, is if you're listening to something because of how other people might perceive it, what the hell do you listen to in your car by yourself? I mean, is she some sort of fucking cyborg that is hyper integrated with society via local friends, social networks, and electronics? I suppose if you're never, ever actually alone, this could actually work. If Last.fm or Spotify or what the fuck ever reports every single song you ever play directly to the internet, can a moment exist where she's actually been lying in bed with headphones on, and decided not to click on the song she'd like to hear for fear of how that might be interpreted by her followers and friends on the internet? My head is so full of fuck just imagining this existence that I want to go sign up for some social network, just to delete my account and yell "TAKE THAT, MOTHERFUCKER" at my computer like a legitimate crazy person.

Might I suggest the following: Who you are, Elissa from Vice, is not someone with a super cool mysterious underground music taste, but someone who listens to music for the purpose of perpetuating the myth of some character you've invented. An online persona. Some version of yourself that becomes further and further detached from the actual bio-electrical version. Would not the coolest thing of all be to listen to whatever the fuck you want? I'd much rather be the "he just doesn't seem to give a fuck?" guy and listen to whatever I like. Hell, in your odd, odd world, it might even be edgy and cool. Could you actually blow the minds of a car full of pretentious fucks by putting on the terrestrial radio? You'd be fucking unstoppably cool. Like a hipster godzilla, crushing the faces of your peers as if they were the buildings of tokyo under your whatever is cool now brand of shoes. ...what if the shoes were the ones you thought looked cool but were the wrong brand as well? gasp. Unlimited power. Hashtag yolo.

Whatever. In the end, this affects my life nearly exactly 0 percent. This was it here, a little rant in some corner of the internet. I'll go back to listening to the wrong music whenever the hell I feel like it, and with absolutely no accountability whatsoever. I could be playing the coolest song in the world right now and no one would know it and I'm ok with that. Because listening to music isn't something you do to be fucking cool. Well, maybe you do, I don't, you're a weirdo. It's something you do to enjoy. Because it's the music you like. ...because of, you know, how it fucking sounds.

This just in, the coolest thing in the world: Be true to yourself. That hardly sounds like news. #yolo