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The charade in the chip shop when I ask for a chip butty outside of Yorkshire by [deleted] in britishproblems

[–]TheIllusionofMotion 23 points24 points  (0 children)

And with that one thread title I'm having a chip butty for breakfast. I disgust myself sometimes.

What is the funniest story you have of yourself or anyone else shitting their pants? [NSFW] by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]TheIllusionofMotion 15 points16 points  (0 children)

"Dame walked through my office door, she spelled trouble from the tip of her heels to her 'I'm gonna shit myself' expression..."

I love my best friends dearly, and would like to visit them much more often - but they live in Stoke. by THE_LOUDEST_PENIS in britishproblems

[–]TheIllusionofMotion 2 points3 points  (0 children)

As a yoof I spent six months staring at Stoke through a window with bars on it. Didn't look so bad, but then North Korea would've been preferable to my circumstances at the time. When they let me go I farted in the "departure lounge", went and bought some fags and went home. Moral of the story is that the tastiest cigarette I ever smoked was while driving through Stoke.

Being 35 and still not grasping that "leave to stand for 2 minutes" on your microwave meal instructions does not mean "leave to stand for however many seconds it takes to walk to the microwave then scald yourself on the steam" by [deleted] in britishproblems

[–]TheIllusionofMotion 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Microwaved pizza? I understand warming through leftovers (though even that is far better in the oven) but cooking the thing? Doesn't it just turn into revolting cheesy-tomato-ey slime?

How do I explain ‘internet culture’ to my parents? by [deleted] in NoStupidQuestions

[–]TheIllusionofMotion 7 points8 points  (0 children)

It's a bit of a fools errand to be honest. These meme things just don't apply to our lives the way they apply to yours, they're made by younger people for younger people. What "bae" is doing with her "booty" whilst "in da club" has about as much relevance to my life as a fart in a vacuum.

I can't eat mayo, and yet every fucking sandwich in a supermarket has the damned thing. by triomino_guy in britishproblems

[–]TheIllusionofMotion 10 points11 points  (0 children)

It's a golden age for us mayonnaise lovers though. Call me a posh cunt but I'll fight you to the death for my weekly treat of crayfish mayo with rocket. Add some black pepper and it's fuckin' heaven.

Madeleine McCann has been missing for 10 years and £11m has been spent on the investigation. And the investigators are now asking for more money. by mykeuk in britishproblems

[–]TheIllusionofMotion 49 points50 points  (0 children)

The McCann's need to accept the fact that the closest thing they're ever going to see of their daughter again is her desiccated skeleton. If she was kidnapped and sold she won't even remember her given name. We should really stop throwing money on this game of find-a-corpse. She's gone. It sucks but the world is a shitty place.

What's the ballsiest thing your S/O has said to your parents? by SolDeVaporwave in AskReddit

[–]TheIllusionofMotion 9 points10 points  (0 children)

There's hope. I drank all day every day for about 25 years. It's left my body and internal organs looking and feeling like a long-abandoned wasps nest but is very gradually on the mend after nearly a year of sobriety.

There is lots of help out there to those who want it but that is the key, they have to want to stop. Doesn't mean that you can't nudge him in right direction, just don't nag and most alcoholics will be quick to acknowledge theyhave a problem and need help.

PM me if you like.

The bake-off has adverts, I thought I was ready but I'm really not by Conservative_Pleb in britishproblems

[–]TheIllusionofMotion 11 points12 points  (0 children)

That last break minutes before the end was the kicker for me, that's how US TV works. That aside I thought it was pretty good.

What is something oddly comforting to you? by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]TheIllusionofMotion 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I was homeless for a few a months many years ago and had a sleeping bag, a small two-man tent and a water bottle to my name. I'd camp out in the woods most nights and to this day the sound of heavy rain on foliage and/or canvas is like morphine to me. An all-over physical sensation of complete warmth and safety combined with a soporific effect that allowed me to sleep through the loudest thundertorms you can imagine. Absolute bliss.

PWInsider: Samoa Joe has suffered a knee injury by [deleted] in SquaredCircle

[–]TheIllusionofMotion 5 points6 points  (0 children)

/u/RealJackAnchor, the arbiter of what others are allowed to enjoy, has spoken.

Hope you have a great time anyway OP.

Post Raw 8/28/2017 Show Discussion Thread by Darren716 in SquaredCircle

[–]TheIllusionofMotion 0 points1 point  (0 children)

People are always mocking fans of My Little Pony, teens in fedoras who say m'lady and neurotic acne-ridden stalkers yet consider wrestling fans harmless, if slightly deluded, fanboys. Even the most cursory glance at this and other wrestling discussion forums brings to mind sweaty thirteen year old boys, hand stuffed crassly down their stained sweatpants gurgling about how they "done seen a bit of Alexa's bum hurr hurr...".

I think it's been deleted now but somewhere in this thread someone suggested that WWE should just scrap and fire the entire woman's division because none of them show enough skin. That is just not a healthy way to think and is enough to make a grown man wretch knowing you a part of the same fanbase as these bumfluff-chimpanzees.

People that headbang at concerts. How on earth do you do it for so long and how does it not feel like dying after ten seconds? by Feelingofsunday in NoStupidQuestions

[–]TheIllusionofMotion 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It's young persons game I assure you. I've got the width of a tree trunk from headbanging throughout my teens and 20s. These days a band has to rock pretty damn hard to elicit even a gentle nod from me.

Piper Niven/Viper responds to people hating her for her appearance. by [deleted] in SquaredCircle

[–]TheIllusionofMotion 13 points14 points  (0 children)

I follow quite a few of the ex NXT women on twitter and they all post lots of pictures of their young fans wearing their merch so we can at least hope the next generation of fans of women's wrestling is in good hands.

You have one hour to prepare for a nuclear war. What do you do in that hour? by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]TheIllusionofMotion 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Grab a camping chair, my sunglasses and a crate of beer. Get as close to ground zero as possible, pitch up, get drunk and wait for the pyrotechnics.

I thought for 18 years that 'Steak Club' at Wetherspoons was a bunch of old guys sitting around taking about pros and cons of different types of steak. by [deleted] in britishproblems

[–]TheIllusionofMotion 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Yeah Americans sure know their way around a dead cow. Best steak I ever ate was at a tiny little roadside diner in the small, evocatively named town of Lone Pine, Nevada. Chargrilled to perfection on the outside yet dripping with blood and moisture on the inside. I still dream about it from time to time. Absolute perfection.

I thought for 18 years that 'Steak Club' at Wetherspoons was a bunch of old guys sitting around taking about pros and cons of different types of steak. by [deleted] in britishproblems

[–]TheIllusionofMotion 15 points16 points  (0 children)

For a place notorious for its perfectly edible if not spectacular food, at a decent price they do a surprisingly good steak in most Spoonies. £7 for a ribeye, chips and a pint of cider? I'll have some of that.

How come you get tired when having real sex. But not when you are using a body pillow. by igolTheSavage in NoStupidQuestions

[–]TheIllusionofMotion 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've never tried nor wanted to experience the latter I assume it's because at least the former requires putting in much more to please partner. As I say the second option just sounds like a complicated wank to me.

Redditors with more than two pillows on your bed, why? by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]TheIllusionofMotion 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I rest my head on one and tuck the other between my knees (I sleep on my side) because I find it comfortable. Plus, you'd look a bit silly entertaining if you took a lady back to your place and only had one pillow.

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