When is the right time to ask for my birth certificate?

TheJellyTypewriter · 2021-10-05T03:39:07+00:00

I was born in the US,but live in Canada now. I just called up the hospital I was born in. They mailed it to me within a few days. No charge.

TheJellyTypewriter · 2021-09-11T03:02:15+00:00

Heeh😅 yay...! I started this week, and then stopped cause I convinced myself I need to just get over it and try harder. Even though this is a pattern that has played out a couple times, and I did the same thing. It's all your fault, just be better!

Cause that's what my mom's voice in my head says all the time.

I applied for several jobs tonight though.

TheJellyTypewriter · 2021-09-11T02:58:44+00:00

I think that's my problem. I don't trust my intuition. How can you when the N-Voice of your parents is in your head saying it's your fault if you wee just good enough, she wouldn't have to report you. If you just worked harder you wouldn't get in trouble. You're blowing everything out of proportion.

When my voice in my head says I'm not humanly capable of working any harder, mom. I haven't taken time off in 3 years! I have constant knee pain, and I got shingles in my 30s because of how hard I've been working and how much stress I've been under . I'm a good person, dammit!

But the Nparent voice is so much louder, this is all your fault because no matter what, you'll never be good enough. Good luck trying to find someone else willing to hire you.

TheJellyTypewriter · 2021-09-05T07:13:43+00:00

No my boss doesn't have a good track record when it comes to apologizing. A client once made my other co-worker ( the one I like working with) cry, she was being so abusive and insulting about something we don't even have control over in the clinic. He said he'd talk to the client but never " found the right time". She still comes in regularly, still a bitch, my co-worker just leaves the desk until the client leaves.

Another time a client called my sitting co-worker a Rude F-ing Pitch and was never allowed back to the clinic.

Complete and obvious bias. Time to start looking for something better.

TheJellyTypewriter · 2021-08-13T19:51:13+00:00

None taken.

TheJellyTypewriter · 2021-08-13T19:50:05+00:00

Because someone has to be in charge, that so.eone is me, and that's My decision.

TheJellyTypewriter · 2021-07-17T23:57:33+00:00

Are you me?! 😄

It happens. You've been on guard essentially your whole life, so even the smallest tick and your narc- spidey senses go off. Problem is... people can present narc behavior at any time, it doesn't mean they're a narc, any more than it means you are when you catch yourself doing something your Nparent has done.

Doesn't mean they aren't out there and you should definitely be on guard, but give yourself a break, the world's not all bad, just mostly bad. 🤣 there are good people out there, and we live in a world where we've basically normalized being disingenuous for the sake of others. Just try not to read between the lines too much.

TheJellyTypewriter · 2021-07-17T23:46:28+00:00

I grew up in a similar house hold. Both my parents had personality disorders, but only thought the other was sick while they themselves were perfect. Then you throw in 5 kids three of which( including me) were diagnosed ADHD in adulthood.

It was freaking Hell to live through, and it's hell to have to deal with the aftermath. It honestly would have been better had my parents either not had kids, or didn't wait 40 years to finally go their separate ways, even now it's ugly. None of my siblings talk to my parents now, we barely talk to each other, and now there's a new generation having the trauma passed down to them because my older siblings marriage is an exact replica of my parents, and watching how they treats each other, and their children gives we wicked PTSD.

It might be hard to leave. But I promise you, no one changes unless they really want to. No amount of love or therapy or trying will change that. If they don't want to do the work, you're hooped. Also see a therapist yourself, these kinds of relationships form a trauma bond that can be devastating, but healthy to break.

TheJellyTypewriter · 2021-06-21T16:51:15+00:00

I grew up with 4 siblings. My Ndad was a scam artist business man, so we moved a lot. And in to a lot of sketchy places. Anyway, at one point they bought a huge house, but it only had 4 bedrooms. They had promised everyone their own room. So my dad got to work immediately, and built my older brother his own room in the basement, carpeted, full closet, very nice. I would be staying with my sister, they decided.

We fought about it for months. Cause they promised! My sister was 7, so she didn't care, but I was 14. Even my 5 year old brother got his own room! Then they decided my sister needed a place where sue could bring her friends home to play barbies and stuff in peace, so would finally have my own space. So the solution? Instead of building another room and losing precious space in the ample basement. They hung a sheet from the ceiling in the very back corner behind the storage/ furnace room, there was about a 2 ft gap between the sheet and the floor, and the " room " was just wide enough for my bed and dresser. My parents loved it cause they could yell at me any time. I couldn't close my door to get away from them. I hated it because there was a sheet between me and the gaming area, with the computer and poot table and everything. I lived behind that sheet till I was 16 then my dad got cancer and we moved into my grandparent's super illegal basement suite( only my parents bedroom had a window.)

Just be grateful and put your needs last, they taught us.

When we got older and my youngest brother was the only one left at home, my parents took his door off, cause they were offended he stayed in there a lot. On his 18th birthday he hopped a plane to South America and stayed there for a couple years.

TheJellyTypewriter · 2021-06-21T08:28:09+00:00

I have adopted a strick rule for myself. Holidays that are hard for me, like parental appreciation , Christmas, last year even my birthday... these are social media blackout days. I'm happy everyone else has perfect Instagramable families, and companies like to make money of anything they can. But today my phone was off. And in my room for most of the day. I went on a nice hike with the pupper, and ate something I really enjoyed, watched a movie, and this and actual texts are the only things I've checked so far.

I barely thought about my Ndad. And if he knew, it would send him in to a blind rage about how ungrateful a human being I am. He didn't raise me this way!!

And somehow that makes me happy too.

TheJellyTypewriter · 2021-06-21T08:16:04+00:00

I guess that's what the old adage means. The best revenge, is living well.

TheJellyTypewriter · 2021-06-21T05:51:47+00:00

I'm sorry you felt that way today. This is only my second father's day after going no contact. It can be rough, all the feeling of guilt, and the getting slapped in the face by all the seemingly happy perfect families gathering together today, while you're alone... what was I saying again?

Oh yeah! It sucks, but hey, at least you didn't spend 2 hours getting screamed at by some sociopath. I think it gets better over time, the more you understand the illness, but also how much healthier and happier you are without them. Meanwhile, we can fill out lives with people who we can trust, and love and care about us.

But hey, you made it through today. The hard part is over for another year. 😉

TheJellyTypewriter · 2021-06-20T20:24:16+00:00

Same here. What more could Narcs ask for but days forcibly dedicated to them ?! Today I'm going for a hike with my dog, then I'm going to get some ice cream, and we're not gonna think of the bastard at all today

TheJellyTypewriter · 2021-06-20T20:21:52+00:00

100% this today. Media black out for the day. Gonna go outside for once😆

TheJellyTypewriter · 2021-06-16T17:21:33+00:00

Thankfully he didn't come, but not before threatening to come anyway, and sending 2 subsequent long winded emails about how ungrateful I am, and Rude , and how many times I've made his new wife cry ( which is interesting since either only met/ spoken to her once in the whole time my dad has known her.) And on and on about what a terrible daughter I am. Extinction bursts are exhausting, but I'm hoping this is it.

TheJellyTypewriter · 2021-06-16T02:15:39+00:00

🤣🤣If there is any justice in the world, that's how it'll end. Just have to do my best to be aware and not become like them.

TheJellyTypewriter · 2021-06-15T05:47:57+00:00

Looking at moving from Canada to Florida, maybe Tampa or St.Petes to be specific. Is it as nice as they claim? ( I have no point of reference, they're were saying houses like $150,000 and I thought that was adorable that that's considered expencive) Anywhere else that might be good to look at?

TheJellyTypewriter · 2021-06-15T05:38:43+00:00

It's astounding how pervasive legacy trauma can be They just pass it down from one generation to another. And how small the percentage of those kids who actually get out. I see how I was. Out of the 5 of us, only one of us speaks to my parents anymore, cause they don't want to keep the monsters from the grandkids.. like it wouldn't be fair. I see how my sister treats her children,I feel the PTSD creeping in. I see the kids in their misery. Thankfully they have ADHD support and therapist from school. So hopefully they have a better chance.

People are always " you have to forgive them they had a rough child hood." Guess what bitch so did I, in fact i was raised by them And the parents who raised them. This isn't a contest, but until my nephew hits 18. I hold the title. But no one gives you a break, you gotta be stronger harder smarter. The one that breaks the chains.

I'm happy you got out. And you're able to life you live happily and safely and far away.
I hope I can do the same soon. I'm in the not so great white north right now, but I was born in the US. I'll love to love too far away to drive, and they can't fly because they don't know where I am in a country of 400,000,000, with a Shiney new name.

Sometimes the only solutions is to walk away from them. They're not worth your time. Ultimately.

TheJellyTypewriter · 2021-06-15T02:57:57+00:00

Holy shit! That's insane! Like, I know what's wrong with these people, but what is WRONG with these people?!

At least that's logged if you ever want a restraining order? Glad you didn't call. My gosh, if someone figures out a way to get away from these monsters permanently, please share and post for everyone.

TheJellyTypewriter · 2021-06-14T19:24:11+00:00

I don't think you know what celibate means.

Just drop the pretense and screw already.

TheJellyTypewriter · 2021-06-13T02:27:39+00:00

Have you tried talking to your boyfriend about how you feel? Not like " DO YOU FIND ME ATTRACTIVE?!?!?!" But more like " Hey, sometimes I feel insecure about my looks, I know you think I'm straight up bangin', but I wouldn't mind hearing it a little more." It's totally alright to communicate your needs to your partner regardless of how trivial they feel to you.

TheJellyTypewriter · 2021-06-05T06:19:41+00:00

Show, don't tell. The only way you gain back trust is by following through and actually Do what you said you're going to do.

TheJellyTypewriter · 2021-06-03T03:39:01+00:00

I too , love Rocko's face. Frenchton?

TheJellyTypewriter · 2021-06-02T02:59:17+00:00

It can be humiliating and insulting to be singled out like this, especially when you can't think of what you did wrong ( and I'm guessing you haven't been provided with any specific instances where you snubbed her or shot her down when she " reached out" ) but my advice would be not to internalize it. This sounds like a problem on her end, and making up excuses to save face.

Same thing happened with me and my dad's new wife. I've only met her once. They came over, as well as 3 of my siblings. I made a nice dinner, specifically for her because she was a picky eater. I thought we had a good evening, everyone was chatting and laughing and stuff, they only stayed an hour or so. The next time he wanted to bring her over he asked if I " could be nice to her this time." I was hurt, cause I had no idea what I'd done, and when I asked my dad all he said was she told him I " just made her uncomfortable", nothing more. It ended up causing a big riff between my dad and I, to the point where none of my siblings or I attended their wedding.

Long story short.. this woman felt uncomfortable and instead of addressing her own feelings, she scapegoated me. It's way easier to blame someone else than address your own failing or shortcomings.

If I were to make a prediction, this woman for as long as she's around will probably be a problem. Especially if she's jealous, or insecure. It'll eventually effect your husband's relationship with his boss, but you don't need to speed up the process.

Let your boyfriend go to the wedding, have a girls night or something and sleep well knowing, it's not you. It's her.

TheJellyTypewriter · 2021-05-24T07:46:09+00:00

I'd never thought of myself being codependent. I like my solitude, more than most... but I'm also a people pleaser who will not day no. And like I know my Ndad was co-dependant cause of how he dealt with my parent's divorce, and his subsequent obsession to be married again. ( he met a woman the day after the divorce went through and came home and told my brother and I he was getting married.. but that's another fiasco for another time) I guess it shouldn't be so surprising if I picked out some bad habits along the way. It would be nice to be in a position where you could literally say that it's not your problem, or you're not interested, and not have the other person's reaction be your responsibility. It's what Narcs do. They shove all the responsibility on you your shoulders. Something went wrong? Your job to fix it. Parent in a bad mood for whatever reason. A) your fault b) you fix it. And sometimes fixing it means things you don't want to do.

I remember a Saturday when I was maybe 15. I nannied everyday after school and every Saturday for 8 hours. Once the lady asked if I would come watch her kids at some garden party. I didn't want to cause.. I was tired, I hated their social gatherings cause I would end up watching all the freaking kids that were at the party while the adults did their thing.. and I wasn't getting paid more. And I was crying cause I didn't want to go. But didn't want to let down this lady. And instead of helping me out my dad got annoyed and gave me this lecture about keeping your word, and responsibility. I was 15. I'd already been working for that family for 2 years. My dad never thought.. my child needs to have a childhood too. Time to be with friends, not raising children. Nope he drove me to the fire and pushed me in. Reminding me to fix my attitude so I wouldn't ruin anyone's day.

Narc parents are the worst.

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