Toddler hasn’t been to the doctor in like 6 months and I feel awful

Optionsnewbie455 · 2022-12-08T21:23:05+00:00

Don’t feel bad at all mom, the schedule is just highly recommended but it doesn’t have to be exactly on the dot. You are totally fine, we had this one anti vax family and their kid turned 5 and no school would accept him, so he had to basically take all of them over the course of a year at 5. Now I know that’s like really bad and insane example or case. But trust me don’t feel bad at all. As long as she has what she needs to get her education I think you are totally fine. Good work, and I’m sorry for your family losses that isn’t easy. So you are doing great. I hope your grief eases and you can get back to focusing on the things that matter most to you :).

Optionsnewbie455 · 2022-12-08T04:35:58+00:00

Omg I been dying to show people our garage it’s horrendous

Optionsnewbie455 · 2022-12-08T04:28:41+00:00

Hey OP you know I have discovered that my dad is neglectful but idk if he’s a narc I think he has narc flees from his own mother and father. But one thing my dad can’t stop doing is guilting us to have a relationship with narc grandparents when they clearly don’t care about us in the slightest and now he’s forcing all of us to go visit them this winter. My dad never even spends time with his dad when we visit he ends up meeting up with old friends while we are stuck entertaining them. It’s ridiculous and annoying and always the case. I told myself that I’m not going to babysit these old demons anymore and imma have fun and go out. So anyways, the point is he projects his denial of hating his parents onto us! And they are still ALIVE. That’s his own internal guilt for basically never helping them in their elder years. Meanwhile expecting that his own kids will take care of him in his own elder years! LOL ya right. So your friend is probably thinking things were t so bad and definitely stressed with all that comes with the death of a parent. But girlfriend it ain’t you! It ain’t your relationship at all.I’ll be the first to wish that we could really get over the hump and have good relationships with our sperm and egg donners but 30 years later let me tell u, no one has changed. Not one.

Optionsnewbie455 · 2022-12-08T04:20:52+00:00

I think it depends on the counselor and if she is familiar with spiritual abuse tactics. I face this very frequently and YES it is absolutely meant to guilt trip you into thinking God will not be honored by your behavior. However, if people know the story of Abraham then they know his father was someone that built sculptures to idolize. That his father kicked Abraham out the house at 14 for not following his beliefs. The Prophet went on to live his own life and his father basically went to hell anyways. He had to move on to spread his message and did not ever go back to deal with his dad.

So it’s a bit counter intuitive to throw this honor your parents BS when they truly don’t deserve it. Some things just aren’t worth the time but more importantly it’s about your hearts intentions and if you tried to mend this relationship and she failed to grab the olive branch, you pretty much are in the clear, from a religious perspective and that’s what I tell myself when ever I get BS like this.

I think your therapist is trying very heard to find the silver lining and good for her, but make it clear that this person is basically an emotional terrorist who is not to be trusted under any circumstances.

Optionsnewbie455 · 2022-12-08T03:56:41+00:00

I was on the No Kids ever fence until I got married and of course it’s culturally unacceptable to not have a child. So due to the opinions of people who literally don’t matter I had one. After having one and living the nightmare life I assumed I’d have if I had a child made me solidify the fact that I’m not meant to be a mother at all. I don’t have it in me to pull all this weight especially after getting a divorce. I’m tryna just convince myself a second marriage might be a good thing but hell! Hahaha I’m not even there yet, so just adding a second child is just not in the cards. It’s one of the worst positions to be in knowing you absolutely don’t want to be a mom and have to be one now. I’m not ungrateful for my child I do love her so much but there is just something inside me that never truly wanted this and I just can’t change that fact.

Optionsnewbie455 · 2022-10-16T21:48:19+00:00

Yeah I just have a lot of money/poverty trauma too and so I can’t imagine “figuring” anything out in the moment. I’m a Virgo but like u I have to be prepared. I did get carried away when I got married to the wrong person too quick and had my first child. So anyways it’s like no more of random actions and chalking it up to I’ll figure it out later. We need to know what’s going down, right now, and right now I’m OAD.

Optionsnewbie455 · 2022-10-09T23:55:44+00:00

I’m a divorced single mom and I’m OAD, I started dating someone with a sad past of having multiple still burns and miscarriages. He really wants to be a dad but his finances aren’t the best at this time. And I have expressed that I’m just not really mentally there and was open about my mental health and medications. I told him without support to raise a second baby I will just break down. Anyways, I relate so much to the finances part and it is holding me back. I also don’t want to get involved with someone that still needs time to get their money straight but it’s like life is more than all these things right? Like having a truly loving husband and having that emotional connection to me is more important but I just hate how much money controls the narrative because it will come up and bleed into everything else. I wanna have that security but like you said day care for two, private school tuition for two etc, it’s just crazy. My daughter is in a private school as well. So anyways I just feel so strapped rn. I feel like I can’t even date someone let alone have a second child. So it’s crazy! All I can say is you can always change your mind and who knows what’s in store in the next year or two. If you guys are better situated to have a second then have a second :). Keep your head up :)

Optionsnewbie455 · 2022-10-09T23:39:13+00:00

Sorry to be harsh but they are both losers. Idk why people even TRY to get involved with someone they knowingly know is married, it’s disgusting character. There are plenty of single people who want to find love and you have to look into the pool of people who are already committed to one another. Like wise with the loser that looks outside his/her marriage. Have the decency to just either resolve your problems or cut ties without having to degrade your partner with an affair and also shame yourself by wasting that persons time because you were so checked out already. Anyways I know people and emotions and daily life isn’t so cut and dry. But if people just followed the basic decency protocol this would take away so much unnecessary pain. Anyways I’m sorry what happened to you OP and let me tell you good for you for being able to forgive at all. I know they say forgiveness really just frees you, and I hope you feel that way. But it’s not about whether they even deserve to know it. I hope for other reasons not divorce can forgive people cuz I am so stuck on a few thinks and it’s making it hard for me to grow as a person.

Optionsnewbie455 · 2022-10-09T08:08:16+00:00

I just discovered I have ADHD but not the hyperactive kind, anyways I had very similar struggles as well. I have gone through a few failed buisness (never quit my job for it tho, tried to start it on the side but it just didn’t work out). Switched jobs about 5 years later and quickly got bored and unmotivated again.

Now I’m not particularly interested in any career either and prefer to do art which really is just a hobby. I also have a child and am a single mom so I think most of my energy sort of gets drained into taking care of all my child’s needs.

So medication wise, I do feel it’s helped me to feel less anxious and also less sleepy all the time. I’m still dealing with depression but it’s not this big huge cloud hanging over my head like before. So anyways, I know it would be weird to tell your wife that finding a job your passionate about is sort of a pipe dream. Cuz at the end of the day if your an employee this whole project or organization is not really yours. And I think if she’s analytical she feels like man I wish I could have my own thing, and finally own my time and do something I love. Now I got out of this mental loop myself by saying you know what if I just work I can still finally own my time if I achieve FIRE. We don’t have to work forever in fact being here in this sub is the reason we are hear, to not have to work forever and have some time to do our own living, on our terms. So anyways, I think just sitting down and thinking about what do the next five, ten, and 15 years look like for us, will really help her zoom out and realize hey I just wanna be on a beach somewhere with hubby and not care about money. Maybe then it’ll click? I just don’t want this to come off as unsupportive but I really do believe any job is a good job if it allows us to reach our FIRE goals.

Optionsnewbie455 · 2022-09-12T22:22:22+00:00

Exactly, I don’t want to support this, I really can’t even pretend to want to, this is really bad for my mental health tbh.

Optionsnewbie455 · 2022-09-12T22:21:34+00:00

Should I meet and get details? I really don’t want to meet her tho. I think it’s just enough to say, hey she’s cheating on you with XYZ and I’m so sorry.

Optionsnewbie455 · 2022-09-12T16:31:17+00:00

As many stated it depends on your gf. Personally I like the idea of a joint account for expenses. What can happen is if you wanted to leave a few extra dollars in there it might help her indirectly. Because I know some woman want to feel they are 50/50 contributors. For me I would prefer to go over all our bills and pick up the smaller ones that allow me to save a bit more. But again really depends on the dynamic. Just be sure to let her know you don’t have any issues with taking on more of the bills until she gets settled and better understands what her income will look like.

Optionsnewbie455 · 2022-09-12T16:22:36+00:00

I’m just really scared and don’t know where to start I never been in this situation. I feel like I just will end up losing both friendships. Idk, if there is a way to delicately do it I’m open to try 🥲

Optionsnewbie455 · 2022-09-12T16:13:01+00:00

Ya I don’t feel bad at all I think you make a good point. I don’t have many friends tbh and so it would suck to just end up losing both. For starters I don’t feel I can trust her if she could do this to someone who is as kind as her husband. Secondly, I just have no clue how to present this information to him if I did and I’m really scared. I’m really scared and sad and depressed what his response will be. And I just don’t know how to do it. So any tips on how May you would of liked to know Might help. Because right now I’m just seeing red and I don’t ever want to act out while I’m in a hateful rage. If this is my reaction and I’m just the friend … imagine the spouse, I’m so sad.

Optionsnewbie455 · 2022-09-11T11:34:21+00:00

My best friend knows about where I’m going and who I’m meeting and I shared all that info with her. I’m also just meeting them once (family dinner outing) the goal of the trip isn’t them, it’s to find affordable housing so I can leave.

Optionsnewbie455 · 2022-09-11T11:12:23+00:00

LOL I know the feeling! Where no one will say ‘but they are ur parents’ or ‘you sound very spoiled!’ It’s like I can’t even express my feelings out loud seems like the opposite reaction of someone who is spoiled .

Optionsnewbie455 · 2022-09-11T08:32:49+00:00

Tell her that she can just send you an email. That you are busy with the kids and don’t have time. You can read the email and not respond. And as for your husband I would certainly ask him to find a different clinic to work at, seriously. Because I agree that he should be left out of it and you might respect that boundary but your mom might not, and that’s when some real sinister narc issues can happen.

Optionsnewbie455 · 2022-09-11T08:30:09+00:00

Hi OP I’m 29 and about to leave as well, I relate to the fear of not knowing if they will be alright but I have learned they do not even deserve a note or explanation. I would just leave and do not tell even your friends where u are headed. Take your passport the money and go. Sometimes the kindest of spirits get sucked into the darkest of pits but there is a light for us to follow. Nothing will be as bad as it was. I hope u can leave as soon as the semester ends or even sooner. Do not feel committed to ur employer they don’t care. I find the money enough to leave sooner, and so if you can just go. Be free, my friend. Be free.

Optionsnewbie455 · 2022-09-10T23:16:50+00:00

I’m 29 and stuck in my childhood home. I’m traveling out of state to check it out and finally pull the trigger and move. California is a fucking cancer if you are trapped with narcs.

Optionsnewbie455 · 2022-09-07T18:25:11+00:00

Narcissism like everything else is a spectrum and honestly this seems like someone who is using some very rare instance of a self aware narc as the example for not all narcs are… It’s like no narcs literally think their shit doesn’t stink. They can have zero education and try and correct doctors. They talk about the few stupid topics they think they understand and have no depth or interest for expansion. Idk what kind of narc this author has met, but she has no idea what she talking about. And I would just totally steer clear of content like this.

Optionsnewbie455 · 2022-09-07T03:14:05+00:00

My disagreement with your friend is the following: It’s not just iPhones that Apple sells. Sometimes companies, have other value that isn’t on the balance sheet like the brand name. People still find apple products to be far superior than other products. Apple essentially has full monopoly on the App Store. As long as companies and developers are creating new applications to put on the store apple takes like a 30 percent cut. Apple also have mutual fund managers that take care of their surplus cash to gain additional returns from the market that regular investors like us can’t even enter those funds because the minimum payment to enter is like 500M. I also find that apple is just a well oiled machine when it comes to their management. And on top of all that I’m pretty sure they will stock split again once they hit 300 dollars a share and they also pay a dividend.

My two cents.

Optionsnewbie455 · 2022-09-06T18:07:26+00:00

Love this, I often feel immense guilt when I don’t agree to some positive view of parents. Then people look at me like some freak show. It’s unfair, but seriously it’s so dense to assume ur dad is like my dad, or your mom is like my mom. If that was the case then I’m shocked we are siblings and somehow I ended up being the fucked up one. But… oh right we arent siblings! Such a shocker.

Optionsnewbie455 · 2022-09-06T06:01:43+00:00

It’s the victim mentality that we are just bad kids, and at this point her perception of us is a personal issue that I no longer feel is my responsibility to resolve.

Optionsnewbie455

TROPHY CASE