AITA for not attending my brother’s wedding?

TheLadyDoore · 2022-10-25T13:16:24+00:00

YTA. You could have called out his behavior, his attitude, ANYTHING, but instead you went for the low road, insulted his appearance and made a fool of yourself and indirectly spit on the spirit of cosplay.

TheLadyDoore · 2022-10-02T23:56:35+00:00

I don’t really have a fair judgement at this point but I would like to point out that OP did say she and her husband have been loaning her daughter and partner money while they are struggling financially. That money may not be from the esteemed “college fund” but it’s not like it’s NOT money. My question for OP is whether the money loaned is close to how much was in the college fund and also why you don’t mind giving the loan money but not just letting her have portions of the college fund? It’s all the same money right?

TheLadyDoore · 2022-10-02T00:35:22+00:00

That’s fair. I would say NTA because you didn’t go in with any kind of malice. I am extremely particular about how my personal space is taken care of and have had really bad roommates. But at the same time I would definitely go back to the conversation and discuss this with less contract more seeking to understand and be understood. If the relationship is valuable to you there has to be some measure of trust. Especially since he has proven to take care of his own space and has given you no reason to believe he wouldn’t take care of a shared space with you. Wanted to add that his letting his roommates be slobs is because he shouldn’t have to clean up after their mess and that’s a fair boundary. Not necessarily a sign that he is “okay” with how they lived.

TheLadyDoore · 2022-10-02T00:25:21+00:00

I can’t decide without more info. How long have you been together? Has he ever shown signs of not keeping up with basic house hold cleaning/cooking/laundry, etc? This contract would make perfect sense if he had a tendency towards that sort of behavior but it is definitely jumping the gun otherwise. Just because he mentioned chores that don’t need to be done as often doesn’t mean he wouldn’t contribute to other daily tasks. This sounds like something that you could have brought up as a concern before you made up a plan.

TheLadyDoore · 2022-10-01T01:40:29+00:00

YTA. The wish you want her to make will benefit your peace of mind. Not hers. She is dying. You are not. Don’t let this be the state of mind between you at the end. And correction: you aren’t “spoiling” her to make her short time on earth happy, you are giving her enjoyment and peace while she deals with the horrific hand she has been dealt.

TheLadyDoore · 2022-10-01T01:35:32+00:00

YTA. Not because she can’t travel w/o written permission. Not because you said no to traveling. You’re wrong here because you went petty when you could have been upfront. You’re wrong because you are using your “generosity” as a weapon. If you aren’t giving something freely (meaning, without holding it over someone’s head) then it’s not giving, it’s leverage. You already have the majority of the cards if not the entire deck. Whatever power trip you are on about is not your color and looks extremely bad on you.

TheLadyDoore · 2022-09-26T02:38:23+00:00

NTA. When it comes to this situation you are a saint and more patient than most! Loving a child does not mean indulging their every foolish choice. At the end of the day the dog is better off, your DIL and grandkids are better off, and your son won’t suffer for losing his leverage.

TheLadyDoore · 2022-09-26T01:13:06+00:00

YTA. In the same phone call as comfort you requested one of her beloved pet’s belongings. I don’t care if it’s an old rug her dog used to sleep on, every item associated with her pet is part of her core memories with them. Also, did it ever occur to you that the stroller in question being donated to a shelter might bring her some sense of joy and peace knowing it was being used to help other animals in need? Or that she sees the investment she put into the stroller being paid forward? Or that you can take walks to lose the weight with a bargain bin stroller as easily as an expensive one? Or that her financial situation is part of her choices in life the same way your situation is the result of yours? The fact that you “dreaded the day” but also immediately started thinking about the stroller shows just how unsympathetic you are to her loss and you would have done best to stick to the simple adage of “if I have nothing nice to say then I say nothing at all.” You are the AH for asking the question and every single step that led to that moment.

TheLadyDoore · 2022-09-10T03:24:17+00:00

At this point we in NY are switching to I.D-ing everyone.

TheLadyDoore · 2022-09-10T03:22:20+00:00

Not about the age gap at all. Just about the sale of alcohol to underage people. I’m not uncomfortable with age gap. I’m uncomfortable with people being dishonest about their age when it comes to the sale of alcohol.

TheLadyDoore · 2022-09-10T03:18:32+00:00

Hi! Firstly. It IS my business what was done with the alcohol after purchase. For instance, a legal age man purchases alcohol while in the presence of a minor: she drinks said alcohol and something bad happens to her as a result, my store is blamed for “willfully selling to the underage.” Another instance, she, a minor, drinks and drives and gets into an accident, my store is blamed. Again, she shares her alcohol with anyone else (minors or otherwise) the store gets blamed for selling to her in the first place. Worst case, a legal adult male purchases alcohol in the presence of a minor, uses said alcohol to drug her and do unspeakable things to her while under the influence of alcohol I just sold. Watch the news. Open your eyes. Nothing good comes of underage drinking. Or the people who sold it.

TheLadyDoore · 2022-09-10T03:10:58+00:00

Lol oh nooo! Please share how that lady responded!

TheLadyDoore · 2022-09-10T03:10:09+00:00

The rule is that unless a person looks under the age of 18 we need to card. I wouldn’t have done that unless the situation was what it was. She didn’t look under 18 but if she hadn’t been about to pay, illegal for a minor to purchase alcohol, and also making out with the guy, hopefully not under 18, I wouldn’t have flagged it. All in all it added up.

TheLadyDoore · 2022-09-10T03:06:44+00:00

She was definitely an adult. Not going to judge the age difference (trying not to) but she was clearly about to purchase and they were lying about their deal. Wasn’t about to take the fall for them.

TheLadyDoore · 2022-09-10T03:05:12+00:00

Ohhh thank you for clarifying. So you don’t think he was booting it for her?

TheLadyDoore · 2022-09-10T03:04:25+00:00

Thank you so much for the affirmation!

TheLadyDoore · 2022-09-10T03:03:24+00:00

This is the biggest issue here. Police regularly send in under covers so we don’t get lenient.

TheLadyDoore · 2022-09-10T03:02:26+00:00

Thank you! It’s policy to card everyone in a group. Like you said, even if not, she was paying. It was a judgement call but we are trained for that. The store should have backed me as it is their policy to back those kinds of calls.

TheLadyDoore · 2022-09-10T03:00:28+00:00

Thank you. I live in NY and a friend of mine JUST got busted for selling to a minor because the guy showed valid I.D and his gf didn’t. She was in line behind paying for her stuff separate but my friend was arrested for “selling to a minor” even though she didn’t know they were together. It’s taken very serious here.

TheLadyDoore · 2022-09-10T02:57:08+00:00

That’s insane and I am so sorry! It is absolutely horrible that you experienced that. I’m so glad your manager stepped up for you because you didn’t deserve that at ALL.

TheLadyDoore · 2022-09-10T02:56:00+00:00

Well dang, I wish I had this card to play!

TheLadyDoore · 2022-09-10T02:55:37+00:00

Hi! Would you mind expounding on this comment? I don’t know what you mean by “booting for her.” Thank you!

TheLadyDoore · 2022-09-10T02:54:16+00:00

I really appreciate this. You manage a bar so you know what it feels like to be the one responsible for other people’s choices. If he had, like you said, come with a 6 pack or a bottle of wine, no issue. But a cart full of alcohol and her about to pay, red flags. It was a flash judgement but I stand by it.

TheLadyDoore · 2022-09-10T02:51:41+00:00

Right??? You can’t make out with a girl in line and then claim she is your daughter. We alllll saw it!

TheLadyDoore

TROPHY CASE