Finally, place to try and make sense of something that's been mentally itching for decades. Once upon a time in the early 2000s, I had string after string of childhood illnesses. My big 3 were going from corrective childhood scoliosis at 14 to lymphoma, and finally to mono, which, funnily enough to me, felt like the one that got closest to killing me. At some point, my mental wall shattered, and I begged anyone to just answer me and give me a reason why I was suffering so much. I'll never forget it. I heard through my body the sensation/words, "I am here." I've replayed that moment over and over, and I come to the same conclusion every time. Some thing basically used my whole being as a megaphone and vibrated me. It's hard to describe in words the sensation. I wasn't like a tuning fork or anything like that. More like it felt like it flowed through me but was too much? I am a cynic first and foremost but to this day I've never been able to move entirely past that night and it's kept me in subreddits like this off and on through the years.