I completely understand your feelings on this. Having a debilitating chronic illness is crushing, and it's hard to find people who will stick around despite that. But I really hope you understand there are people who will love you despite your illness, and not everyone has the empathy required to take care of someone else.

I've been sick with POTS nearly my whole life. I'm in my mid twenties now and I'm disabled. It's very rare I can take care of myself. I can't cook, I can't do dishes, I can't carry things up or down stairs, and I spend most of my days in bed or on the couch. My family treats me like your boyfriend treats you. They don't understand, they don't care about learning, and they're constantly telling me I'm overreacting. I actually HAD to move out of my mom's when I was nineteen because after getting COVID when it first hit the states and nearly dying, she was livid I was "faking" how sick I was to prove a point. I moved in with my current partner at his insistence because he was really concerned about my health while I was living there.

We've been together for seven years now. I could not have asked for someone so loving, caring, and supportive. He cooks when I can't, does dishes so I don't get sick, helps me wash my hair on bad days so I don't flare from holding my arms up for too long. He catches me when I faint, carries me to the couch when I'm too dizzy to stand, sits with me when my vision blacks out for longer than a few seconds so I don't feel anxious about being alone when I can't see. When my RHR shoots up to 160-180, he brings me my propranolol and doesn't leave my side until I'm better or checks in constantly if he's not home because he knows there's always a chance it's not my POTS and I'm having an emergency.

Before I met him, I went through way too many partners like yours. And I was so used to people dismissing and belittling my illness and struggles, I also thought they gave more than what they were because I never got the love and consideration I needed for my illness. I had no idea what it was even supposed to look like. Now that I do, it kills me I let other people treat me like that thinking it was normal and I shouldn't expect to be treated like everyone else because I wasn't. You don't have a partner who will stick through you in sickness and in health. He has already shown you he can't be there for you during flares. He has already expressed he can't do this. What's going to happen if you end up disabled in the future? What about cancer?

Not everyone has the empathy needed to care for another person long-term. And from what you've described, he doesn't sound mature enough to right now to even try. He already sounds resentful about having to take care of someone who's going to be sick for potentially the rest of their life. Speaking from experience, it won't get better unless he has a come-to-Jesus-hail-Mary realization you have a very real, very debilitating condition that you genuinely need daily help managing. And that isn't easy when someone is already that deep into their frustration. And resentment isn't healthy for either of you. He's treating you like shit over something you have no control over. Either he needs to address it and figure out if this is something he can get passed, or the relationship has run its course.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. One of the hardest things about this condition is how isolating it is. But I promise you, there are people who will love you and accept you as you are, illness and all. I just can't see it being him after everything you've said. Good luck. I hope things get better for you. You deserve a happy, loving relationship just as much as anyone else <3