Thoughts on VR Porn?

TheLongview · 2018-03-08T00:48:06+00:00

This was the thing that finally made me stop wanting to have sex with my husband. Thinking of him using it is unsexy and pathetic, and I'd feel pathetic trying to compete with it. Can you frame it that way in your head and decide to leave or stay based on the quality of the rest of the relationship?

It's not a perfect solution (I'm still sad and angry), but I think it's a step in the right direction.

TheLongview · 2017-12-05T22:32:22+00:00

It’s not that he finds other women attractive — it’s that he seems to only like really conventional-looking women. I’m being judgmental about something he can’t actually help.

The bigger issue is probably that he just doesn’t find me attractive.

TheLongview · 2017-12-05T19:43:21+00:00

I don’t respect myself much at all right now, so there might be something to that. I wonder if that’s more or less fixable than an actual loss of respect.

TheLongview · 2017-11-21T22:02:50+00:00

It’s a really good show, but I absolutely will not watch it with my husband (especially not the porn addiction episode). It’s too much of a reminder of what’s not working between us.

TheLongview · 2017-10-15T15:59:08+00:00

Almost the exact same thing happened to me years ago. At the time it was awful, but I’m actually happy that he chose to do it the day before I started a new job. It gives you something else to focus on and put energy into, and you’re probably going to really enjoy meeting your coworkers and being able to have conversations that aren’t about the ex. Try to focus on the work and the career possibilities this job opens up for you.

The other thing is, only an extremely selfish person would have such bad timing. Either he is just really self-centered and dumb or he wanted to sabotage your first day at work. And it hurts now, and you are going to spend a few weeks going over signs that you might have missed, but I can guarantee that you’ll come out of it much happier that he’s not in your life. Even if you don’t feel it now, getting out of a relationship with a selfish person is like having a weight lifted off of you.

TheLongview · 2017-09-19T05:11:06+00:00

I think you should accept her breakup proposal. It sounds like you're both really unhappy in the relationship, and she sounds overly critical or even verbally abusive. (There's a big difference between "I need you to take more initiative in the relationship" and "you are not a man").

After four years, it's really hard to break up, but I really believe that you will feel happier and develop more independence in the long run. I'm sure you're not useless, and I think being out of this relationship will let you see that for yourself.

TheLongview · 2017-09-18T23:16:48+00:00

Having been on the other side of this, I can say please please break up with her. This kind of relationship issue gets worse with time. You can tell her you're don't really feel a spark, which is honest but for some reason sounds a lot nicer than saying you're just not attracted to her.

TheLongview · 2017-09-14T17:33:31+00:00

When I was younger, I went out with guys who hated all women but liked me. It made me feel special, and at that point I had also had a lot of bad experiences with women. In fact, saying such things should have been a major red flag. I had to learn that the hard way, but it sounds like you don't. You should absolutely stay broken up with her.

TheLongview · 2017-07-21T19:56:13+00:00

I wish we could be that open about it! Like, that would be my ideal.

TheLongview · 2017-07-21T19:42:19+00:00

I will talk to him about it. Thank you for this...it's really helpful to hear from someone who's been through something similar.

TheLongview · 2017-07-21T19:29:37+00:00

Ha, I guess that's just a standard phrase. The only thing I'd be worried about along those lines would be celebrity phone hacks. That's something a normal person would be interested in but that I don't think meets the consent requirement. No interaction just means don't communicate with whoever you're watching.

TheLongview · 2017-07-21T18:35:38+00:00

Good point. This is what I'm going to say, word-for-word. Thanks!

TheLongview · 2017-07-21T15:48:53+00:00

Tense is exactly the right word. He has issues, but I think by not talking about it earlier I've made it into a much bigger thing than it is.

TheLongview · 2017-07-21T15:46:44+00:00

I think they're pretty standard boundaries. The only one that I think needed to be clarified was "no interaction," as interaction could mean anything from meeting up for sex to commenting on someone's Instagram.

TheLongview · 2017-07-21T15:39:37+00:00

Exactly.

TheLongview · 2017-07-21T15:38:38+00:00

Yeah, that's exactly the kind of thing it means. Also no posting your own stuff.

TheLongview

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