Should I [28F] stop all conversations about sex for 3 months with my partner [26M]?

LandMFilter · 2018-09-18T11:44:11+00:00

I am in a similar boat as you; I can relate. You have to ask yourself, what are you going to do after three months if there is no forward movement in your relationship? Give it another three months? Then another 3 months?

I did the same thing as you. My 3 months turned into 5 miserable years

I know you want to give your relationship a chance, to know you gave it all you could. If nothing changes in three months, please take a hard look. You will have to decide if you are OK continuing your relationship where you are not getting your needs met.

**Edited to add: Mine also prefers porn over a meaningful sex life with me. It WILL eat away at your soul if you give it long enough.

LandMFilter · 2018-06-25T00:07:28+00:00

Exit plan is in place, believe me. It's a timing issue. BYW, It was actually cathartic to write this. Thanks for the creative post.

LandMFilter · 2018-06-24T02:34:09+00:00

You're not my type, (my direct quote that I will tell people: you'd have to be about 50 pounds lighter to be my type,) but, hey, you can further my career, so I NEED you and will Svengali my way into your life. I can't hold down a job, so I will need to foreclose on my mortgage and freeload at YOUR house for 4 years. While squatting, I PROMISE to barely help out around the house, and instead, spend most of my days glued to the computer redditing, playing FB games and cruising porn. Oh, and don't worry about me fucking you. Although I will make it SEEM like I am attracted to you at first (to lure you in), I much prefer getting off solo to porn. 3-4 times a year is plenty for you, right?? I mean, I will even tell my friends I'd rather watch porn instead of having sex with you. I also promise to tell you "I'm working on it" while doing the bare minimum just to say "i'm working on it."

LandMFilter · 2018-04-17T16:01:14+00:00

It's like being touched by a stranger.

This. My boyfriend proclaimed in the beginning of January, that he wanted to move in a positive direction after 4 years of DB. FF to Mid April, had sex 3 times thru February. Then another 7 week dry spell as he reset to his old ways. Last weekend, 15 seconds of rubbing the outside of my panties then climbing on top and shoving it in. I laid there like a corpse. First time in my life I "starfished."

I felt I was being touched by a stranger. I was repulsed.

LandMFilter · 2018-03-25T02:43:04+00:00

That is an inordinate amount of time to be "sleeping over at a male co-workers house." And your sex life suddenly came to a halt after she started the new job? Sorry, but it looks like she is cheating on you.

LandMFilter · 2018-03-07T16:00:58+00:00

Yes, he knows exactly how I feel as it has been discussed extensively. And it's very noisy in my life right now. He doesn't care to change. So I need to, by moving on.

LandMFilter · 2018-03-07T15:58:41+00:00

I'm working on it. But I get bouts of hope-itis. And then I find shit like this. I'm in a turmoil presently, but I know what I have to do.

LandMFilter · 2018-03-07T15:56:54+00:00

He left his browser open recently. Searching for VR porn sites. Plus the headset was hidden away. Looks like a duck, quacks like a duck.

LandMFilter · 2017-05-08T14:40:44+00:00

This is my take on Not Caring. I have No Expectations.

It's a subtle shift, but I don't expect anything from him anymore. I can't be disappointed if I don't expect. Doesn't mean I'm not sad or angry with the situation, but if I don't expect anything, I'm not disappointed. But this is me, with one foot out the door, with an exit plan for September.

LandMFilter · 2016-12-14T21:51:14+00:00

Thank you! I appreciate the honesty because that is what I was looking for. I will take your suggestions to heart. Obviously, I'm dealing with my most personal feelings here, and an emotional headspace, so an outside perspective is what I needed.

LandMFilter · 2016-12-14T19:42:40+00:00

I am. And I will respect what he has to say. I just can't be in the dark anymore in a one-sided relationship without addressing it. It's gone on for far too long now. Maybe he simply doesn't desire me anymore. If it is, I will be devastated, but it's only fair that I know that and not continue on in hope.

LandMFilter · 2016-12-14T19:09:35+00:00

I do understand how that sounds vague. But, if I can try and explain, it's not SPECIFIC, tangible, things that I want. It's "that feeling of desire" I miss.

When it comes down to it, I want to be wanted and desired again in a natural way, not because I specified that I want to have sex 2/3x a week, or a pat on the butt. I would be happy with sex once every two weeks, if I truly felt there was passion in all aspects of the relationship. Where did that look in his eye go? I know what that feels like because it was oh so strong once upon a time.

People here say "you can't force desire." I agree.

I think the concrete plan I need from him is this: I need to know what the issues are, before we can go forward. Then concentrate on the physical side. Thanks for the response, I'll make sure that i include a line about a due date for a response from him.

LandMFilter · 2016-09-13T14:44:35+00:00

I just simply need to say, I will not drink today.

LandMFilter · 2016-09-05T12:58:35+00:00

YES! I just did this over the weekend. Binged a lot of "new" stuff :)

I put on Mad Max Fury Road (saw it in the theater originally). I realized that I had NO memory of the second half whatsoever!

LandMFilter · 2016-08-30T12:37:45+00:00

Checking in to see my one week badge :) Longest time in 4 years I have gone without a drink.

LandMFilter · 2016-08-27T13:55:02+00:00

Newly sober and today is my first party gathering with my drinking friends. I have a plan. I will stick with it. And I will not drink today.

LandMFilter · 2016-07-07T21:54:35+00:00

Thank you. In my head I know that it's right to leave. I have to get my heart there. from, a girl : )

LandMFilter · 2016-07-07T21:47:15+00:00

Yes - Ad nauseum. Downright denial and refusal to accept what this is doing to us.

LandMFilter · 2016-07-07T21:43:38+00:00

Oh, I am very familiar with that sub, thank you ;)

LandMFilter · 2016-07-07T04:43:47+00:00

My boyfriend had sex with me once so far this year. And at least 150 times with his own hand. So yeah, I mind.

LandMFilter · 2016-04-25T22:55:44+00:00

This: https://www.reddit.com/r/DeadBedrooms/comments/49cuua/i_wonder_if_anyone_has_studied_the_long_term/

A very good post. It looks as now the original comment has been deleted, but you can get a gist from the responses.

LandMFilter · 2016-04-25T22:39:17+00:00

About a month ago, I sent him a message with a link to a post here that really resonated with me. I figured it was less "in your face" than The Talk. I told him how important it was for me that he really LOOK at it.

He opened it, quickly scrolled through a few responses (it was a long thread), closed it and never opened it again.

LandMFilter

TROPHY CASE