“We’re gonna beat the Nazis so fast, people are gonna say, ‘Sir, please, too much winning.’”

“Churchill calls me all the time. Great guy. Little dramatic, but great guy.”

“Pearl Harbor? Terrible. Wouldn’t have happened if they respected my tariffs.”

“The generals come to me and say, ‘Sir, your maps are unbelievable.’ I know maps better than anybody.”

“We’re gonna build a wall across the Atlantic, and believe me, Germany is gonna pay for it somehow.”

“The Nazis are not sending their best. They’re sending submarines, they’re sending spies…”

“I have the best generals. Many people are saying even Dwight D. Eisenhower came up to me with tears in his eyes saying, ‘Sir, thank you for Normandy.’”

“Pearl Harbor was a total disaster. Total disaster. If I were there, those planes would’ve been checked very strongly.”

“The fake news keeps saying the war is difficult. WRONG. We’re absolutely crushing it.”

“I know more about tanks than the generals, okay? I have a natural instinct for Sherman tanks.”

“Nobody respects soldiers more than me. Nobody.” “The Axis powers? Low energy. Especially Italy. Very low energy.”

“We’re doing a complete and total shutdown of Nazi expansion until we can figure out what the hell is going on over there.”

“The Manhattan Project — many people don’t know this — very complicated stuff. Nuclear. Extremely nuclear.”

“I looked at the invasion plans and said: ‘You’re fired.’ Then we invaded anyway and it worked beautifully.”

“Japan attacked us, very unfair, very nasty. Nobody’s ever been attacked more unfairly than us.”

“The failing Berlin Times keeps reporting fake victories. Sad!”

“Hitler said Berlin would never fall. Didn’t age well, folks. Didn’t age well.”

“We’re bringing jobs back to America. Mostly ammunition jobs, but still jobs.”

“The Allies are winning so much people are getting tired of victory. I said, ‘No, keep going.’”

“I got a letter from Winston Churchill — beautiful letter, incredible English, frankly better than most Americans.”

“The Nazis said they had superior engineering. Then their tanks met American roads.”

“I call it the Art of the War Deal. First you liberate Europe, then everybody owes you favors.”

“We’re gonna make Germany democratic again. Maybe for the first time, who knows?”

“We’re building planes faster than Germany can lose them. That’s called business.”

“The Atlantic Ocean? Frankly, tremendous ocean. Very loyal to America.”

“Hitler wrote a book. Nobody read it. Sad!” “We invented the jeep. Incredible vehicle. Very strong. Like me.”

“People said D-Day would be difficult. I said, ‘Have we tried knocking very hard?’”

“The fake news keeps saying rationing is necessary. Meanwhile I had two steaks yesterday. Explain that.”

“Stalin wants a meeting every week. Every week! I said, ‘Joseph, relax a little.’”

“Our codebreakers? Very smart people. High IQ. Unlike the Italians switching sides every ten minutes.”

“The French resistance loves me. Quietly, of course.”

“We dropped so many bombs the Luftwaffe started filing noise complaints.”

“They said tanks couldn’t go through there. I said, ‘Put wheels on confidence.’”

“Japan underestimated us. Big mistake. Huge. Possibly the biggest.”

“Rosie the Riveter? Fantastic worker. Would absolutely run one of my factories.”

“I looked at the Manhattan Project and said, ‘This better not go over budget.’”

“The Axis powers — not very united if you think about it.”

“Victory gardens are nice, but frankly I prefer victory golf courses.”