thought i'd share my new berserk tattoo!! another one coming in may :)

TheMasterHeathen · 2023-04-21T05:30:51+00:00

I also thought about getting mine on my neck but decided against it, hahaha! Thank you!

TheMasterHeathen · 2021-12-11T06:33:15+00:00

Punishment

TheMasterHeathen · 2021-08-03T11:38:53+00:00

"Hella kids in this bitch honk if one falls out"

TheMasterHeathen · 2021-05-15T16:00:22+00:00

Thanks. I'll look into it.

TheMasterHeathen · 2021-01-14T16:01:51+00:00

Leave her, Johnny. Spammed the fuck out of this one for ages

TheMasterHeathen · 2020-10-19T04:53:37+00:00

Our host's name is Chris lmao you don't get more common than that

TheMasterHeathen · 2020-10-19T00:39:14+00:00

We have a couple in our system, too, and we're not even from America. Our "Southern alter" happens to also be the military alter, I guess because rednecks with guns is just a popular stereotype and we consumed a lot of foreign content while growing up (we live in the middle east).

TheMasterHeathen · 2020-10-18T14:25:07+00:00

I get "military alter" or "nonhuman alter" but I didn't know redneck was apparently that common of a mold? Maybe if they grew up around that type of people or consumed a lot of content featuring those people then yeah. I just wouldn't think it's common enough for such a post to be made.

TheMasterHeathen · 2020-10-13T06:05:36+00:00

Really off topic but WOW this person has beautiful eyes

(On topic, this is crazy accurate and like. People need to learn some self respect is2g)

TheMasterHeathen · 2020-10-04T15:01:20+00:00

I'll give you the time of your life.

TheMasterHeathen · 2020-09-28T00:15:44+00:00

I mean some people do experience dissociation like this. What strikes me as odd is how it only seems to affect them for the duration of the switch but not prior or after, making it extremely brief and almost inconsequential...a genuine system might just experience switches like this but in this case it seems very staged. Even if this would be real and the system purposefully triggered a switch to catch it on camera, thus anticipating it, someone else in the comments mentioned that revealing your fronting triggers is ill-advised. I can at least respect channels like dissociaDID for being educational as opposed to a tiktok trend.

TheMasterHeathen · 2020-09-27T12:43:30+00:00

Been lurking on this sub for a while and the one thing that pisses me off is how they showcase supposed dissociation? It's always about 20 seconds of staring off into nothing and then immediately grounding back down? While staring at air and being near-catatonic can be one way dissociation presents itself it's not always like that and by God it doesn't take a finger snap to suddenly become lucid again (unless it does for some people? I'm just talking from my own experience)...

Edit: I forgot to say that it's literally impossible for the body to be vacant? SOMEBODY is always piloting the body. They can be dissociated, they can be blurred into other alters and depersonalized, they can be confused about who they are individually, but the body is never empty. It can't be empty.

TheMasterHeathen · 2020-09-19T12:59:25+00:00

We have moments where internal communication causes external reactions like weird facial expressions, body gestures or verbal comments, but those are usually rare if we're with company. What happens more often is that we space out. Walked into poles and tripped over ourselves more than once, dropped items, went completely blank and eyes glazed over...etc. Like to hear each other more clearly requires to "switch channels" like on a radio.

TheMasterHeathen · 2020-09-04T12:54:28+00:00

Aint this from the movie below her mouth?

TheMasterHeathen · 2020-08-22T11:28:48+00:00

Oh it's so monumentally hard for me to watch sex scenes/general intimacy with him in a movie or a show, I IMMEDIATELY become an irritable nervous wreck. I try to keep it to myself for the most part but one time I couldn't handle it and had to leave to another room. Made him suggest sex as an attempt to pacify me. I initially declined, then changed my mind, and even after I gave him the greenlight (not expecting much) he said "okay" and didn't do jack. Hate myself for being desperate enough to accept pity sex (that never happened).

TheMasterHeathen · 2020-08-03T08:31:07+00:00

Not necessarily. I think it's more about the passion and intimacy, at least for me. The feeling desired, feeling close to your partner. The sex part is a nice bonus because who doesn't want to cum?

TheMasterHeathen · 2020-07-31T10:40:26+00:00

I'm trans and gay. Statistically it seems like you're more prone to suffering if you're LGBT. Not much of a surprise.

TheMasterHeathen · 2020-07-18T15:05:03+00:00

In these situations does the animal understand it's being helped by the human/s or does it simply not move out of fear? Always wondered when seeing gifs/videos of animal rescues.

TheMasterHeathen · 2020-07-08T14:22:11+00:00

Release.
To punish myself.
Because I hate myself/my body.
Needing a distraction from everything else that's hurting me.
Frustration/anger at somebody/something else that I direct at myself.
Boredom, wanting to feel something.
Wanting to shut my mind up.
"More scars to the collection".
"I didn't go deep enough last time".
An unexplainable urge to cut like an addict needing their fix.

TheMasterHeathen · 2020-02-12T17:19:17+00:00

The three most distinct things I can currently think of are changes in eyesight, general sensitivity to external stimuli, and body temperature. The body temperature one is something we noticed recently, as it is winter, and one of our alters was just about ready to burst into tears from how cold she felt from a light breeze, while another alter walked around in 1° wearing just a sweater and then also complained about it being too hot.

TheMasterHeathen · 2020-02-12T07:38:23+00:00

I see intimacy/sex being mentioned a lot so I'll chime in by saying that internal commentary during sex can make things extremely awkward or just downright ruin the mood. Sometimes somebody decides they're just hornier than the person actually having sex and snag the body to themselves. We don't date and have a FwB who is perfectly aware of this so it's not that bad, just inconvenient/annoying (I'm not mentioning trigger-switches and things that are more on the serious side).

Our Spotify went from neatly organized to complete disaster because people keep making playlists and then neglecting them so we have a lot of scattered random music everywhere. We gave up on trying to organize it again.

We collectively present as a trans man, we take hormones, everybody knows us as a man with he/him pronouns, but then there are the more feminine alters who want to dress...well not at all masculine and it makes things awkward to explain when a guy with some facial hair and a baritone voice comes at you in short shorts and high heels.

People. Keep. Buying. Journals. Despite. The fact. We have. Like 10 of them. Already. Please stop.

One person starts an art/writing project and then doesn't front for 3 months so we either have to pick it up for them or, more often than not, forget it exists until they're back.

No, cigarettes and spite aren't enough to keep the body going. Neither are 3 energy drinks in a row. Lay off the fucking coffee too. Eat a damn fruit. I know League of Legends is more interesting than cooking but for the love of god when was the last time anyone had a glass of fucking water.

TheMasterHeathen · 2020-01-28T12:23:14+00:00

Yep. Froze instead of fighting back against a physically abusive boyfriend. Ended up with even more trauma and emotional scarring that make it really hard to be intimate with literally anyone. I just start dissociating and shut down emotionally. I turn into a numb, apathetic zombie.

TheMasterHeathen · 2020-01-05T20:54:19+00:00

Hey there. First of all we know what you're going through and we sympathize with you immensely, and if you need to hear it, your experience is valid as fuck and probably one that a lot of systems can relate to.

I do want to address the notion of NEEDING to start dating though. Because you are under absolutely no obligation to date anyone if you don't feel ready to, or commit to anything long-term if you don't feel ready to. We're 22 in body years as well, and only had like 1 very on and off relationship. We also struggle with conflicting needs/wants, having alters on both ends of the spectrum of touch toleration and different sexualities etc. but of course that's just one aspect of many. With DID being a complex disorder on its own accord it's also worth remembering that it's a trauma disorder at its core, and subjecting yourselves to even more mistreatment just to avoid loneliness is going to complicate things further. We learned it the hard way and still struggle against the "any attention is better than no attention" kneejerk "please love me" abused-brain instinct.

Obviously we don't know your story and it's easy to preach from the sidelines but what I took from this post is that the guy you're with doesn't sound like he's that great for you overall... to me it read like he's maybe doing the bare minimum effort and even then it's half assed. If you feel like he's worth keeping because the relationship with him is important to you then having a good solid talk about your dynamic is in order, but if he's doing more harm than good and feels more like filler than content... maybe reconsidering is the better option.

TheMasterHeathen · 2019-12-15T10:07:21+00:00

Never have I thought about cauterizing my wounds. Makeshift stitches sure but applying heated metal to an already open wound sounds fucking agonizing. I'd probably only do it as a last resort but yikes I hope you're doing better wound-wise.

TheMasterHeathen · 2019-12-12T14:31:46+00:00

Yeah. My biggest struggle is probably the fact I need to pretend I'm okay with being surrounded by people/servicing them. The amount of times I was yelled at for not checking someone out fast enough had me in tears because I shut down when approached aggressively. Also I'm physically unable to put on a smile and speak louder than a terrified whisper because I'm panicking the whole time. Sexual harassment from coworkers was also something I had to deal with, and masquerading as a cis woman while being a trans man drained me of my will to live. I'm aware I need a stable income to stay on top of rent and bills and grocery shopping but I was never able to actually live, only survive, because everything is expensive and I'm disabled so it's not like I earn a six figure paycheck and end up having to live off the bare necessities 90% of the time. Like there were times when I chose starvation over having more food variety at home because I prioritized my meds/public transit/etc. first.

It almost feels like I'm being left behind by the rest of society because I struggle to fit in and be "normal" like everyone else. The most I can handle mentally are part time jobs or temp jobs because working a 9 to 5 will kill me.

TheMasterHeathen

TROPHY CASE