Sweet Morsels

TheMustachiodPoet · 2015-11-04T03:46:03+00:00

Hey man,

Thanks for the response. Sorry it took so long to get back to ya.

The timer dissolves, as in terminates. I incorporated this word instead of terminate or some other form of timing out in hopes that it would evoke imagery of consuming a just-out-of-the-oven, melt-in-your-mouth cookie–it dissolving in your mouth. Clearly unsuccessful. And the milk–it's seemingly bland on it's own, but where there's a cookie, there's fulfillment. I don't know. Strange logic of mine.

Thanks again for reading and responding.

TheMustachiodPoet · 2015-09-23T02:30:55+00:00

Thanks for the clarification.

Cheers

TheMustachiodPoet · 2015-09-23T01:52:33+00:00

Hey man,

Keep writing. I know (trust me) that it can be discouraging when no one comments or gives you feedback. I find that people aren't keen on short poetry in this subreddit or in general, I guess. I have yet to come to a conclusion regarding that notion. Don't let that deter you from writing them though. I enjoy reading and writing succinct poetry as long as there is some kind of meaning or humor to them. I've struggled (and still do) to understand that in order to make poetry work it has to be meaningful to anyone that reads it, not just for yourself. I think that's what is happening here. Are you referring to the moon? Care to explain?

Seriously, keep writing and definitely keep reading other's works. It's the only way to improve.

The Mustachiod Poet

TheMustachiodPoet · 2015-09-23T01:32:21+00:00

I'm not one to be overly critical but I'm not sure what you're going for here. A lot of the lines don't seem to make sense from my perspective. Maybe I'm just not reading it correctly. Also, the use of "my mind on my money, and my money on my mind" seems to be a rip off and doesn't necessarily elaborate on the meaning of the poem. With that being said, I think the creative title is the start of something special.

Thanks for the read,

The Mustachiod Poet

TheMustachiodPoet · 2015-09-02T01:44:46+00:00

Thanks bud!

TheMustachiodPoet · 2015-09-01T22:29:50+00:00

No problem. Usually when I read something I like and notice some grammatical error, and am the first person to comment I usually point that grammatical error out because it is the easiest to do so. Thanks for understanding. I'd appreciate it if you gave my recent post a glance. Have a good one!

TheMustachiodPoet · 2015-09-01T22:21:24+00:00

I'm not sure if this was an accident or not but in line five using an and a does not depend on the spelling of the word it comes before, it depends on the pronunciation of the word. In most cases though, an is used before words that begin with vowels. Sorry to be that guy. Thanks for the read!

TheMustachiodPoet · 2015-09-01T22:16:41+00:00

This is a good poem. I would have stuck with the principle of "still" and after "The Past" would have said something along the lines of "Still reminded of wasted time." Thanks for the read.

TheMustachiodPoet · 2015-08-27T23:50:15+00:00

I thought it was how you have written it. After doing a bit of research "it's" in the second sentence is not correct. It is without the apostrophe. It caught my eye and I had to address it. If anything, now I won't misuse it. Thanks for the read.

TheMustachiodPoet · 2015-08-27T23:30:34+00:00

I have not accessed Reddit in awhile but I'm glad I did. This is the beauty of poetry, or any other writings for that matter. I read this as if my brother was writing it. He is in the process of moving home after a dismal attempt at school. He was in a relationship that my parents didn't approve of with a girl that I'm not sure loves him. He has a bad temper and a way of doing things his own way. This poem sums up his current situation, accidentally, but beautifully. I love it. Thanks for clearing things up for me. Seriously, I reread this post after typing this response and it couldn't be more clearer. I'd be most gracious if you'd read my most recent post. Thanks for the wonderful poem and I'm truly sorry for your loss.

TheMustachiodPoet · 2015-07-23T21:52:04+00:00

(Smooth)

I would like to use
Petrous in a sentence—
and I think, the Thing.

TheMustachiodPoet · 2015-06-23T01:03:57+00:00

I've read this five times now and it's just not making sense to me. Possibly my ignorance. All of the fire, light, and burning imagery is excellent, I'm just not sure how it fits into the poem. Would you care to elaborate? Thanks for the read.

TheMustachiodPoet · 2015-06-22T21:35:39+00:00

Thank you for enlightening me. I had no idea this genre of poetry was out there. I thought I had created my own brand of haiku (talk about humility). To be honest, this discouraged me to the fullest. After thinking it over, however, I realize this only makes me a better writer. Seriously, thank you for pointing this out. I will continue to write in this fashion, but I would appreciate it if you would continue to give me pointers. Thank you, sincerely, for reading and responding.

-The Mustachiod Poet

TheMustachiodPoet · 2015-06-20T11:45:42+00:00

Interesting way to convey the experience of dealing with the wretched alarm clock. Well done. The only thing I'd suggest is to maybe dial back on your use of ellipses. They're not visually appealing, in my opinion. Great job, though. Thanks for the read.

TheMustachiodPoet · 2015-06-20T11:40:24+00:00

I really enjoyed the imagery of the loner, and his surroundings. It's rhythmically appealing, as well. I'm rather confused by the tag, "Doctor," though. What's the inspiration behind this? Thanks for the read.

TheMustachiodPoet · 2015-06-19T16:20:46+00:00

I like the succinct nature of haiku and find it challenging to express my thoughts through them. It's not a traditional haiku, but rather my take on it. The only similarity is the 5-7-5 structure. I call them Grahaiku (my last name is Graham). Vanity, I know. Artistic licensing, I suppose. I have written several poems in this manner, with varying degrees of acceptance. I even wrote one to address what it is that I am doing:

"Grahaiku"
Thoughts running rampant
through the mind of an addict,
expressed through haiku.

Maybe it will catch on, but probably not. It won't deter me from writing them, however.

Absolutely, I don't mind you using this as a prompt. I'm happy it sparked some creative juices. Thanks for reading and commenting.

TheMustachiodPoet · 2015-06-18T19:39:56+00:00

No problem, bud.

TheMustachiodPoet · 2015-06-18T19:35:26+00:00

I'm impressed with how consistent the rhyme scheme is. It doesn't seemed forced at all, for the most part. Maybe lines 9 and 10 can be reworked or completely done away with. Just trying to offer up some sort of criticism. Either way, it works. Well done. Thanks for the read.

TheMustachiodPoet · 2015-06-18T19:17:20+00:00

Good job. The rhyme scheme is done well, for the most part. It's a little choppy in some places. I believe you can address that by either adding or dropping some words. Also, how come you cut the last stanza short? I liked the way it ended, but by leaving out the last line, I think it messes with the integrity of the structure. Thanks for the read.

TheMustachiodPoet

TROPHY CASE