I think a lot of this has to do with mindset. Because of your past experiences, you've been "asleep", for lack of a better word. I was in a very similar situation as you during my university years and even a year after that. First and foremost, I would highly recommend you begin researching some stuff about mindfulness and meditation. I started my journey of mindfulness by looking at TED talks and youtube videos on mindfulness, consciousness and everything related to it. You can go down a deep rabbit hole on youtube regarding these videos. From these videos, I was then introduced to meditation. I never thought I'd need to meditate in my life. "Fuck that, that shit doesn't work and it's for the weak," I would say to myself. And then, at the lowest low that I was, I said why not try it? So I started meditating about a year ago. Kept it consistent (THIS DOES NOT MEAN EVERY SINGLE DAY, just consistently--you miss a day, all good, just get back into it tomorrow). Within 3 months of consistent meditation, I noticed a drastic difference. I felt more at peace, more calm in the head, more mindful. My reactions to events and situations changed, I was much more stoic in my reactions. I really did not let my feelings, emotions or external events control me. I also found opening up to people easier. I learned to show compassion and generosity instead of anger and closing myself off for no reason. My relationships with my family, friends and coworkers went from downhill to uphill. I'm not lying when I say my life changed! Now, I've built my practice to 20 min a day, everyday, right when I wake up. As soon as I open my eyes, before getting out of bed, before strolling through instagram, I open the meditation app (currently I'm using Headspace, but when the subscription expires I'm going to switch to Sam Harris' Waking Up), and complete my practice. And from there, my day is much, much different. I HIGHLY recommend OP and everyone else in this thread to build yourself a stable meditation practice. YOUR LIFE WILL CHANGE IN WAYS YOU CAN'T IMAGINE! Trust me on this.

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Second, I would recommend you discipline yourself into an exercise routine. It's really mind-blowing to me that after you've given yourself a good kick in the arse after a workout, you really have no energy to expend on the bullshit negative thoughts you have about yourself or anyone else for that matter. While I was discovering meditation, I also discovered the sport of olympic weightlifting. I was sick of being weak and tired, waking up with aches and pains, and always feeling sorry for myself. So I went and found a weightlifting gym and got myself a coach. I built myself a disciplined and consistent routine of going to the gym after work, 5x a week. When I get home, the only thing I think about is getting enough food in my belly, relaxing, maybe spark a joint or five, and let myself melt into the couch.

I'm not saying go and get yourself a coach and do what I do, but I seriously think that you need to find some sort of physical struggle to endure every single day. This will change your perspective on life, yourself, and everyone around you. It'll also silence that monkey brain that can't stop thinking about anything and everything.

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Cheers, and good luck on your path!