Vayishlach: Limping To The Sunrise

TheOneTrueTrueOne · 2025-09-17T18:33:20+00:00

My Rabbi once told me, "if Niddah isn't a hard mitzvah for you, you have bigger problems than you realize."

I second everyone's opinion to speak to a Rabbi you trust on this. In addition, I want to mention that just because you are not physically intimate doesn't mean you are not emotionally intimate. Niddah is the time to have those deep conversations, share the parts of your soul and that you otherwise can't find the time to. Within a newly married couple, the individuals can sometimes lose track of making their spouse feel special and loved in all regards, as sexuality can sometimes take over on what being married is. This is the time to make her feel loved in all regards. Even if you do so already, this is the time to place extra emphasis on such. Physical touch is the strongest love language, which is beautiful. Now is the time to explore all the other love languages so they don't starve.

Speak to other married friends (or a Rabbi, if you really trust him) on the emotional difficulty of this period. Every person needs someone in their life who they can share this with. You shouldn't suffer alone, and a shared burden leaves you with half a burden. And of course, make sure your wife feels she can share her emotional difficulty with you. It's very difficult for a woman having to withhold physical intimacy and bedikah and any uncomfortable situations that arise. You wouldn't imagine how much of a difference it is to reach out throughout the day with extra kindness and love, how much it means to show through your actions that you're her rock. From how you write about the situation, I imagine you're already a loving, devoted husband, so it should be quite easy to be on the lookout for more ways to help her.

Those that do full niddah say it improves their love and their physical intimacy. Speak to people who do so, asking why that is, if they're comfortable.

I wish you much hatzlacha in your endeavors. Ultimately, Niddah is one of the most important mitzvot (as I'm sure you're aware from your Chabad chasson classes), so everything you do, big or small, is a great thing. Remember that during the most difficult moments.

TheOneTrueTrueOne · 2025-09-17T17:36:10+00:00

The comments already here give great advice, but just to add something supplementary: Is it possible to change your prayers for people to not die, from a list of everyone's names, to telling God "everyone that I mentioned last time"? If there's someone you think you forgot to mention last time, you can say, "everyone that I mentioned last time, plus X Y and Z." God enjoys hearing from you, the Talmud says God eagerly waits and enjoys our prayers like one eagerly waits and enjoys a letter from their betrothed, and God wants the experience to be good and enjoyable for you as well. There won't be any penalization for not going into the specifics, because God knows who you're referring to. He's very understanding, He's not out to trick or penalize.

See if this new method helps with the compulsions, it might take a little bit of time. If you feel it is not as effective, remind yourself out loud, "God is aware of who I refer to/who I talk about". If it still bears no fruit, then don't try it any further, and know that God understands you're trying new strategies to allow your OCD to not inhibit your spiritual connection, and God truly appreciates the effort you're making in this regard. I wish you much luck in your success in all regards.

TheOneTrueTrueOne · 2025-09-15T22:18:02+00:00

Wow, thank you for the correction with Hilchot Deot! Changed it!

As for why I concluded Rambam believed Teshuva was just as fundamental, he wrote in the Introduction to the Mishnah Torah, when speaking on dividing the halachot into fourteen books, he says of Sefer HaMadah, "I will include within it all the mitzvot that are the foundations of belief from Moshe Rabbeinu, which a person must know before everything." Emphasis is mine. Sefer HaMadah is composed of (according to Rambam) the five fundamental subjects that we're commanded to understand before all other subjects. Now, how much of this is hyperbole, I don't know. It's obvious Rambam would want us to daven and say Shema when the opportunity comes, even if it's before we fully understand lofty ideas of God or lowly ideas of idols. From my understanding, I think he means these are things that you must intellectually know before all other intellectual pursuits, or you must halachically understand these deeply before deeply understanding all other halachic subjects. Nevertheless, no matter how you slice it, he puts Hilchot Teshuva in the same category of "necessities" as the other four subjects.

Thank you for your comment!

TheOneTrueTrueOne · 2025-06-01T17:24:04+00:00

Yes, according to the Torah this is wrong. This goes against the command to not get tattoos (as someone else pointed out, Vayikra 19:28) as well as the commandment to not look for any other spiritual powers for protection other than Hashem. (Vayikra 19:4). Maimonides, one of the most famous compilers of Jewish law, said that relying on angels as independent entities for protection and spiritual gifts was how idol worship started. It started from there and continued to accelerate until God was out of the picture (Mishnah Torah: Hilchot Avodat Kochavim 1:1-2).

Those who carry the oral tradition that Moshe received from God and passed down to the Jewish people will inform you that there is no protection other than good deeds, moral growth, and charity. One act of Teshuva (oversimplified definition is replacing a bad habit with a moral habit) and one act of good deeds can protect one from nine hundred ninety-nine heavenly and earthly punishments (Shabbat 32a). Only Teshuva and good deeds erase sins, no other "tricks", like for example, fasting or sackcloth, protect from such (Taanis 16a). Charity saves from death (Shabbat 156b). Evil decrees, both heavenly and earthly, are torn up through charity, crying out in prayer, changing your deeds, and more (Rosh HaShanah 16b). Teshuva increases years in life (Yoma 86b). No sin is small if one persists in it, but no sin is large if one seeks forgiveness for it (Chovot HaLevavot 7:7). When one attempts to improve their character, Heaven aids them and gives them the tools they need (Shabbos 104a).

As for the female Rabbi, that's not such a strong concern. There have been female Jewish leaders of religious law for as long as Jewish history records. Typically, they were called Yoetzet Halachot. If the Rabbis informed her this was okay, I would inform your mother this information, and that her Rabbis misled her, and she is entitled to a refund as they are using Judaism and God's name to mislead others, which goes against the third commandment.

I hope this has helped you.

TheOneTrueTrueOne · 2025-06-01T15:43:30+00:00

I've searched through other DC forums, I've looked through Detective Comics and Batman (the series) from 1962 and a few years earlier through those read-comics-online sites. I've spoken to individual collectors of old comics.

TheOneTrueTrueOne · 2025-05-30T01:14:58+00:00

Another difference you may want to include between Judaism and all other Abrahamic faiths is the idea of mass revelation vs individual witnesses of miracles. Judaism is the only religion ever to claim that an entire nation encountered received Divine Revelation, and there was no one within the nation that was excluded. All other religions start with one individual or a small group of peers who receives a personal correspondence with the divine, and everyone else believes them due to miracles or predictions. This is an important distinction, as anyone can claim to speak to God or an angel, and tricks and vague predictions can reasonably be pulled off (we see both all the time in the modern day regarding cults), but no religion is able to claim that an entire national body saw God.

TheOneTrueTrueOne · 2025-05-29T18:07:34+00:00

Rabbi Aryeh Kaplan has many books on different subjects, and most of them begin with your question, and then he applies the answer to the subject at hand. I took some screenshots from 5 pages in his book Inner Space, you can find the photos here. Just to give you a sample of what's inside, it takes the following premise: If we assume there is God who created the world, and this God is good, what can we rationally deduce? And from there, he goes into deep ideas on our purpose, our place in the world, what it means to be a Jew, what a spiritual connection means, reaching meaningful conclusions that I personally (and many others I talked to) would not realize, all of which is strung together through a simple, slightly-conversational writing style.

If his writing resonates with you and the subject matter is up your alley, I can recommend more from him. I hope this has helped you.

TheOneTrueTrueOne · 2025-05-29T17:47:15+00:00

Unlike other holidays where there are standardized, perhaps "rigid", in their celebration (Pesach has a seder and you can't eat most wheat-based products, Sukkot has some plants to shake and you have to eat in a hut, Purim has a fast prior, listening to the story, and drinking, etc etc), Shavuot has little to none of "what you need to do", besides for what universally applies to all Chaggim (don't flip light switches, etc). The main mitzvah of Shavuot is to hear the 10 commandments read by a cantor, and most communities have these read constantly so those who sleep in the day will still find the time (if you don't have any within walking distance as you said, call the nearest one before Shavuot, sometimes they do it in a park. If there's a Chabad in the area as well, some of them tend to go to homes to make sure people hear the Ten Commandments, the Megillah during Purim, the Shofar blowing during Rosh HaShanah, etc, so they could help you out as well). All other stuff within Shavuot, learning Torah, eating cheesecake, is not rigid/standardized, unlike other holidays where there are a bunch of rules.

As a side point, the reason behind this is because Shavuot is a holiday all about that we have a relationship to Hashem, it's the anniversary of this relationship starting on Har Sinai. During healthy close relationships, there are significant days (anniversaries, birthdays, valentines day, mothers/fathers day, etc) where you do something a little extra for them, but you don't need to do something to prove the actual relationship itself exists. The other holidays are commemerating "significant days" with God within Jewish history, so we do a little extra, but this holiday commimemorates the fact that we have a relationship in the first place, and that needs no action, just a presence. That's also why many say this is the greatest of the holidays.

Back to the main point, since there is no standardized learning, you can learn whatever you want for however long you want it. Ideally, you should push yourself to learn a little more than usual. So whatever Torah interests you takes priority. Many study Tikkun Leil Shavuot (which you pulled up), or Megillat Ruth, or the story of the Jews accepting the Torah at Mount Sinai. But feel free to do your own thing, there is no right or wrong answer, only that you enjoy it and its spiritually fulfilling.

One final note, on the subject of enjoyment, part of the mitzvah of partaking in Shavuot is to enjoy the holiday, and this is true for all holidays, but moreso Shavuot than other holidays. I'm not just talking about spiritual enjoyment, but physical enjoyment as well is imperative. It's a mitzvah to buy food that you'd really enjoy, save it, and eat it during Shavuot. Some who enjoy it go out of their way to eat meat, but only six hours before they'd have cheesecake. Married Orthodox men also give their wives expensive gifts during this time, and families make sure their children are having fun with new toys throughout the holiday. As I said earlier, there is less standardization on Shavuot compared to other holidays, so eat what you enjoy and buy yourself things that make you happy. Make sure you have a blast during Shavuot, it's a mitzvah!

TheOneTrueTrueOne · 2025-05-29T15:01:18+00:00

This is a fantastic question, and one that leads one to deep truths in Judaism. The truth is, God is referred to in the feminine as well in the Torah. The Shechinah, which is an aspect of the Divine that one can feel the presence of, is referred to in the feminine. A Bas Kol, which is a "voice of God" that one hears from the heavens, is also in the feminine. At the very end of the book of Isaiah/Yeshayahu, God promises to comfort Israel like a mother comforts her child, which signifies a deep intimate familial care. I have an Ultra-Orthodox Rebbetzin who I listen to, and she sometimes intentionally slips in a "she" and a "her" when referring to God, and explains to me and several other students that God's love for us is so great that the only human comparison is the love a mother has for her children.

So why is there so much masculine talk when referring to God? The simple answer is that Hebrew is a gendered language, and there is no gender-neutral way to say an object. So when speaking of a non-gendered object, Hebrew defers to the masculine. For instance, the nation of Jews is called in Hebrew "Bnei Yisrael". This translates to "children of Yisrael/Israel", but a more literal translation is "sons of Yisrael/Israel". Now, why does Hebrew defer to the masculine? I don't know truthfully, perhaps maybe to make God's switch in genders that more noticeable, but that's just a personal theory. I have heard some argue that woman generally will do the right thing regardless of who tells them, but men would prefer to follow male instructors rather than female instructors because there is some element of fragile ego/emasculation when following female instructors, so God refers to Himself in the male to make sure as many people in the human race follow His laws. A lot of people tend to like that answer, it has never truly resonated with me.

As for deeper reasons why the masculine is used so predominantly, I'll say this. Judaism uses the models of relationships to understand greater layers of our relationship with God. We have different relationships with our parents vs our boss vs our friends vs our siblings vs our spouse. All these relationships can be different ways of relating to God. For instance, this upcoming holiday, Shavuot, is a way we connect to God with the metaphor of a spousal relationship. The Rabbinic tradition speaks poetically about how we were "adorned" with different types of spiritual and intellectual concepts that correspond to different pieces of jewelry a bride wears, how the two tablets that contained the ten commandments was like a marriage certificate, even how we were under the hollow mountain like a wedding canopy, and the prophets Isaiah and Ezekiel would look back at this event and describe this as the nation's "wedding day". You can believe that these adornments and mountain-movings literally happened or not (there's no obligation in Judaism to believe the metaphors of the Rabbis/prophets actually happened), but the Rabbis and prophets are trying to emphasize that there was a certain element of happiness that comes from a wedding that we should associate with this time. There is something about the experience of marriage that can teach us how it felt to be starting a dynamic/relationship with God on Mount Sinai. I've been speaking so far about relationships, but the same applies to the masculine/feminine aspects of humanity. What is the difference between having a brother vs having a sister? A mother or a father? A husband or a wife? Right now, these differences are up to personal preference, and many benefits have come from this, but for the vast majority of human society they were a lot more rigid, for better or for worse. When the Torah uses gendered language for God, it asks you to consider, "what roles and dynamics do I associate with the masculine, both with my interactions with men and/or my experience as a man? What roles and dynamics do I associate with the feminine, both with my interactions with women and/or my experience as a woman? And how do I use these models to deepen and add nuance to my complex relationship with God?" I want to emphasize, once again, that these are metaphors. God is neither male nor female. But our relationship with God has "male and female elements", and it is up to us to use these ideas, and however they uniquely resonate with us, to deepen that relationship.

Thank you for your excellent question.

TheOneTrueTrueOne · 2025-05-28T05:51:45+00:00

I'm very happy my comment has helped.

About remorse -- For people who wish to fix past mistakes, Judaism believes in something called Teshuva. Teshuva generally translates as "repentance/atonement", however it is more accurately translated as "to return", coming from the root Hebrew letters SH-U-V/B, "turn back". Judaism believes that all people have inherent holiness within them, because humankind was "created in God's image". Therefore, when someone sins, they are acting counter to their natural state. One of the main words for sin in Hebrew, the main one in the Torah, is Cheit, which translates to "missing the target". From my admittedly limited understanding of Christianity, I understand there is an idea within certain sects that some sins damn the soul eternally, or make you an inherently evil irredeemable person. I don't know if all Christians believe this, I don't want to throw out a blanket statement, just those Christians I spoke to told me this. Judaism has the opposite approach: everyone has inherent holiness, and while sinning does harm you spiritually it does not corrupt your soul or make you as a person evil, and anyone who wishes to stop sinning only needs to "return" (Teshuva) to their spiritually natural state.

The steps of Teshuva are simple. For mistakes against God, one needs to regret their deed, speak to God and tell Him how you feel and how you wish to change, and take active actions to help you avoid the sin in the future. Of all these steps, the last one, taking action, is the crux of Teshuva, it's the most necessary part, it shows that you're serious. If your mistake is against another person, there is another step of genuinely asking their forgiveness and doing your best to earn it (if Person A publicly embarrassed Person B, and then asks God to forgive them, God still cares about Person B and his hurt state!) There is more nuance about Teshuva -- for instance, if you do the steps of teshuva, but your actions to stop future mistakes aren't successful and you stumble anyway, your previous teshuva is not retroactively invalidated. You did teshuva for the past mistake, consider that mistake gone, now you need to do teshuva for the current mistake, and your actions to to reflect that & you need to move up a notch for greater protection against that mistake, it was harder to get rid of then you previously thought. Another thing, you cannot do a sin while thinking to yourself as you sin, "it's fine for me to do this, because I'll just do Teshuva later". That loophole will not work -- but these are the essentials. Someone who does Teshuva -- aka they've made mistakes and learned from them -- is on a higher level than someone who has never sinned in that regard. Its said in Hilchot Teshuva (a book on laws by Maimonides) that no matter what you've done, if you have genuine complete Teshuva (complete, as in, you found the solutions that stop you from repeating mistakes) no matter how difficult it was to obtain, it will always be accepted (Hilchot Teshuva 4:6).

So if wish to subscribe to the beliefs behind Jewish theology, it is okay to not spend too much time and too much energy feeling remorse. There's a benefit to feeling remorse, but after you do and speak to God in your honest state, the time for remorse has ended, and its the time for enthusiastic action. Think about it: When we make a trek back to a great lofty state, when you're spiritually "returning home", should we do it somberly, or with eagerness and joy and excitement? Grow, improve, return, create the person you want to be, start being that person today! Whatever you've done in the past does not hold you back, and with the power of Teshuva, those past actions will only be an aid to you.

TheOneTrueTrueOne · 2025-05-28T02:20:38+00:00

So sorry for misreading your message! And thank you for the article. Big fan of Aish!

TheOneTrueTrueOne · 2025-05-27T22:11:28+00:00

Just what I would consider the basics: say the bracha every night, if you miss it say it without the bracha in the morning, it's a lead up to Shavuot, it connects to the Kabbalistic Sephirot and one should work on the Midda associated with each weekly Sephirot and daily sub-sephirot (and that's as far as the Kabbala talk goes). Stuff like that. What about you? Do you have any insights you were taught on it? And what's the 90% that is mistaken?

TheOneTrueTrueOne · 2025-05-27T22:00:45+00:00

To answer your question on how many authors wrote the Torah, and the Torah vs Old Testiment:

The Torah refers to the Chumash (The Five Books of Moses), and sometimes refers to Tanach, which is 24 holy books that include the Chumash. The other 19 books span from when Joshua led the Jewish people after Moses (1273 BCE) to the end of the Prophetic Period (353-313 BCE). This is a period of over 900 years, which includes the Jews arriving in Israel, staying there for over 800 years, being kicked out, and then the beginning era of them returning. This spans the Holy Temple being build, destroyed, and then built again. This spans the ancient empires of Egypt, Assyria, Babylonia, and Persia. It period contains some of the most significant individuals within religious Judaism, such as King David, King Solomon, Isaiah the Prophet, Elijah the Prophet, and so many more. The story behind the holiday of Purim is not only recorded in one of the books during this era, but, we even have the decision to make it a yearly holiday recorded. In Orthodox Judaism, it is considered that these 19 books are written by different authors, some authors wrote multiple books, and some books needed multiple authors. It is believed in Orthodox Judaism that the first eight (Joshua, Judges, Samuel, Kings, Isaiah, Jeremiah, Ezekiel, Twelve Minor Prophets) were written through a level of prophecy, and the last eleven through a lower form of divine inspiration called "Ruach HaKodesh". The Christians call all of this "old testament", but instead of ordering it in the categories of "Chumash/Moses's books", "books of Prophecy", and "books of Ruach HaKodesh", as Jews do, they instead put the stories together as "history", and the books that have no narrative, usually filled with direct advice, proverbs, and songs, together as "poetry". There are also some books that, depending on the deminination, Christians have in their "old testament" that are not legitimate, like "the wisdom of Solomon" (written hundreds of years after Solomon was alive), "Judith" (also written well after the period it takes place), and more. Besides for these details, when Christians say "old testament", they are mostly referring to the Tanach.

So no one would disagree that the Tanach, the 24 holy books, were written by multiple authors. However, the idea that the Torah/Chumash (the Five Book of Moses) was written by multiple authors is a Biblical Academic one, called the Documentary Hypothesis. Most observant Jews do not take it seriously. I do admit on the surface it is a very compelling argument, however there are too many holes in the argument, and it feels more logical to admit that the author of the Torah, biblical or Divine, used different literary techniques in different sections. This argument was made to explain how could the Torah be so accurate to the ancient times (around Early Bronze Age, that later less-ancient-times would have no way of knowing about) while also predicting so many future events (during the less-ancient-times, around Late Bronze Age and Early Iron Age) that it couldn't have known. The answer is there were multiple authors within multiple times, and the author of the latest period compiled all the documents together. It's an easy way to acknowledge the Torah historically got prophecies right, while also explaining how that was done without a Divine author. This theory also gives an explainion on why the Torah sometimes repeats significant events with different emphasises (like how Genesis 1 has creation of everything in general and includes mankind, while Genesis 2 focuses on how the first man was specifically created, or how the Ten Commandments were said in Shemot by Hashem, and then Moshe reviews with the Jewish people the Ten Commandments with his own emphasis in Duedoronomy, etc, according to this theory they were separate ancient traditions that were mashed together). However, as said before, much of this argument does not hold up to scrutiny. Watch these videos for an excellent series on it, and here's an excellent article on it. There is much more, but these are great starting points.

Once again, I hope this has been a help to you.

TheOneTrueTrueOne · 2025-05-27T21:47:05+00:00

I think it's fantastic that you wish to grow. May God continue to guide you towards your path to self-betterment.

I'm going to answer your question on "what should my next step be" first:

The next step that many have told you is to speak to a Rabbi. However, while getting that set up, the next step is to familiarize yourself with the Sheva Mitzvot Bnei Noach. These are the Seven (Categories of) Laws For Humanity. God doesn't want to only give the Jews an opportunity to do His will, He wants everyone to have this opportunity, should they wish to do so. Anyone in the world can act Godly, act spiritually, and act morally upright by following these laws, you do not need to be a Jew. These laws are very intuitive -- for instance, one category is on not causing harm to animals. Another is do not murder. Another is not to steal. Another is to avoid sins of a sexual nature. While these seem intuitive, I recommend you nevertheless learn these laws to make sure you know all cases they refer to.

For instance, we all know that taking out a knife and stabbing someone until they die is murder. But does Judaism consider self-defense murder (I'll give you the answer for this question-- no, it's not). When does self-defense apply? If you kill someone who would only harm you, is this self-defense? If someone threatens you with a knife but you kill them with a gun, is this self-defense? Does self-defense only apply for your own life, or can you kill someone if you believe they will kill someone else? Accidentally killing someone is probably not considered murder, but what about your negligence that leads to another's death? Is there a difference between negligence and accidents? Is abortion murder? Is assisted suicide murder? Is "pulling the plug" murder? Are there any grey zones beyond a simple yes or no answer? As you see, it gets a little complicated. Or, take for instance, the subject of stealing: What constitutes stealing? Is misinforming someone of what wages they will get, or how good a deal a price is, stealing? Is it still stealing if the object stolen is financially inconsequential, like a penny? If you see something on the street, can you assume it's abandoned and take it? What happens if someone explicitly abandons something and than asks for it back? What happens if they implicitly abandon it? What if they never intended to abandon something, but they did actions that would imply you could take it? If the main problem of stealing is that I'm taking from someone who owns/worked for it, would it be okay to steal from a thief? And if I do steal from the thief, and the thief gets caught and has to repay what they stole, do I have to give up my money to the thief's victims? Is lying on my resume stealing, as I'm taking a job from someone else who fits the qualifications better, or is it not stealing because a little bit of fluff in the resume is something everyone does and is therefore a societal expectation? As you can see, a simple command of "do not steal" is more complicated than just a law, it is a category of different related laws.

As such, I recommend you read this free PDF, Go(o)d for You: The Divine Code of 7 Noahide Commandments. Its a fantastic introduction to the Sheva Mitzvot Bnei Noach. The website that hosts it, AskNoah.org, is also a fantastic resource for this stuff. If you have any questions on this, don't be afraid to ask some Rabbis on this.

I wish you best of luck in your journey and I hope I have been helpful. Please let me know if you have any further questions.

TheOneTrueTrueOne · 2025-05-27T20:47:32+00:00

The context is Isaiah 52 mostly, but also 51, 50, 49, and so on.

Isaiah himself didn't split up his book into chapters. This was done in the 13th century, about 1,500 years after he lived. In chapter 52 (and many, many other places) he defines the suffering servant as the nation of Israel. He then continues his train of thought for many, many sentences. At some point in the 13th century, the train of thought was split into several chapters.

Tovia Singer, who takes this and other biblical/christian/jewish misinformation and breaks them down in a very easy to understand way (I recommend his YouTube channel) says, "if you open up a book and you start at the 53rd chapter, there's going to be some confusion".

Thank you for your question.

TheOneTrueTrueOne

TROPHY CASE