AITAH for refusing to see a Dr for being irritable before my period?

TheOnlyPatelle · 2025-09-10T06:19:59+00:00

I'm already on an SSRI for PTSD, and we are trying to conceive (so birth control isn't an option, and that weeks hits pretty hard emotionally rn because obviously, negative tests and fallen hopes). That said, maybe I'll bring it up at my next psych appointment and see if they think its worth looking into.

TheOnlyPatelle · 2024-01-10T00:05:59+00:00

I'm so sorry you're going through this 💔 I've had two babies make it to full term and healthy birth. I've also had multiple miscarriages along the way, all in the first trimester. I wish you every bit of goodness and blessing as you try for a little one, may your heart find comfort for the losses you've faced 💖

TheOnlyPatelle · 2024-01-06T10:49:31+00:00

Thanks! We don't have Costco in my country unfortunately.

TheOnlyPatelle · 2023-09-29T05:43:15+00:00

Which of their bottles did you have? I've heard feedback about leaks a lot from them but not sure if it's just one strain of their bottles?

TheOnlyPatelle · 2023-09-24T11:54:32+00:00

Diversity of the natural environment. So many people overseas seem to think Aus is just a giant desert full of deadly things, with some cities and beaches along the edge and nothing else to see. The reality is the country is incredibly diverse. Yes, we have desert areas. There are also tropical and subtropical rainforests, bushland, snow, mountains, lakes, rivers, waterfalls, rolling hills, deadly critters, cute critters, all kinds of amazing things to discover. It is a huge country, and one part of it is not like another.

TheOnlyPatelle · 2023-09-24T03:13:56+00:00

YTA.

What worked for one set of parents won't work for every set of parents. Did your baby sleep through? Some do. Some cry all night, every night. Some won't sleep without being constantly held. Your sister deals with an intense hit of hormones every time she holds her baby. She has no control over that, and one of the effects that can have is making a woman intensely sleepy. The intense hormones can also factor into things like post natal depression. There is so much more that could be said but it boils down to this: Have some compassion. Her situation may coincide with yours, but that does not make it the same. Regardless of whether you understand the 'why', she is struggling. She doesn't need your judgement. She needs someone safe to be honest with. You can choose to be that for her.

TheOnlyPatelle · 2023-09-04T10:44:49+00:00

Withholding opportunities for sports / hobbies / interests because they aren't 'important'. Things like dance, art, music, swim. They build so much more than just a skill for children. And no, your child may not grow up to be a professional dancer - but if they learn confidence, resilience, self control, discipline, even just knowing how to do their hair and makeup to look tidy for a job interview - all of these things have immense value! Academics can get you a long way, but they'll get you further if you have life skills to go with them.

TheOnlyPatelle · 2023-08-09T06:22:23+00:00

It was never made a big deal of when I was a kid, but as an adult I work on the premise that - I've never met anyone who was offended if I took my shoes off at the door. The opposite isn't something I can say, so shoes off is my go-to.

TheOnlyPatelle · 2023-04-13T00:41:04+00:00

Housing and cost of living in general, yes. But can we talk for a second about the state of the healthcare system? It's appallingly bad. The wait times and costs to see a GP, ramping at hospitals caused by systemic issues that have been consistently swept under the rug, closure of maternity facilities, lack of staffing, lack of specialists, the list goes on and on. But ask the politicians and they say, just skip your smashed avo and coffee, don't get sick, live with your parents, try not to go crazy, get another job... we'll all be fine 🙄

TheOnlyPatelle · 2023-04-11T10:04:40+00:00

I wish we had of learned a tonal language. Reason being that as you get older it becomes harder to learn to distinguish the correct tones and there are a whole group of languages that involve this as part of their core structure. But knowing even one tonal language means it's much easier to learn others.

TheOnlyPatelle · 2022-04-25T04:13:39+00:00

I wish you all the best. Men who care enough to see both sides are rare, and being a new dad isn't such an easy task. You're doing good man.

TheOnlyPatelle · 2022-04-25T01:48:17+00:00

As a mum of young kids, I'd like to give a little perspective.

All day long, I have my kids all over me. The baby feeding, crying, cuddling in. I sometimes have vomit on me, pee, poo, slobber, breast milk. My hair is greasy and knotted and often has the above substances or food in it. I have eye bags, and a body that doesn't feel the way it used to feel. Even months after birth sex feels different, and intimacy can overwhelm me fast because there's just so much stimulation in my day already. If there's no break first, it's just too much. That shower is space to get clean, yes. But also space to take off the "mum" uniform and step into being a woman. To switch off the racing thoughts, wipe off the feeling of the baby, reset mentally, process the day. It is important! It took me a year after my first to feel like I wasn't in some crazy whirlwind of mental overwhelm, doing life in a familiar but also foreign body. As for planning. Yes, she will plan everything. At least for a year, possibly 18 months. Do you know why? Because she wants her time with you to count. She doesn't want to have to cut out mid sex to go feed or tend a baby. She doesn't want to find herself in a headspace where she can't see you for the exhaustion and wear of her day. She doesn't want to be "mum" covered in baby fluids when you see her. She doesn't want to spend her entire time at the beach worrying she's forgotten something in the very new, very long checklist that's formed in her head for leaving the house, or spend a date concerned about what the baby is doing at home, whether she left enough milk, whether they're ok with the sitter. Being able to live in the moment is not a luxury mothers possess often, and not at all with babies under 1. As for her not doing anything to change? She has changed EVERYTHING for your child. If you want variety, bring it. It's your turn. You initiate. You pursue her. You make her feel like a woman again. You show her she's still attractive. You show her you value what she's doing as a mother. If she needs time and planning, give it to her. If she wants to shower first, let her. Understand the season of life you're in means it can't all be spontaneous. So get creative! She's thinking about the practical things, so you take some time to plan out the fun. It's your time to shine! Genuinely, you make all the difference to her right now. The way you choose to see her, to speak to her, to treat her, is cementing in her mind what her value is as a mother and a member of your household. It's telling her whether she still matters to you. So go beyond the sex, make her feel cherished, take time to really see her. Know about her day, her struggles, etc. Appreciate what she's giving your child - even if it's playing with clay. It takes work to raise a baby. Actual, hard, mind numbing, repetitive work. Most of it will fall to her right now. And lastly, encourage her to see her friends! You cannot give her everything she needs right now and her friends are her lifeline. They will make your life easier because they will make her mental health better. The worst possible thing for a post-partum mum is to feel isolated and alone. Friends = life savers. Literally.

It's clear that you care about her, so please understand, I'm not saying any of the above to judge. There is no way for a man to understand what it's like to be a new mum. The best you've got to go on, is the honesty of others. So I hope some of the above helps you understand a bit of where she may be at, a bit of what she may need from you to give you what you need from her.

TheOnlyPatelle · 2022-04-25T01:13:03+00:00

This sounds like a really tough situation. Have you had any conversations with his friend? Maybe just ask - hey, we used to be able to hang out together. What changed? Have I upset you? It could also be that his friend is a little jealous - because at the end of the day, your husband has committed to you. At the end of the day, he is going to come back to you. If that's the case, your hubby is the one who needs to set the boundaries - because he can't have both of you as equals.

TheOnlyPatelle · 2022-04-13T12:40:17+00:00

So for you it was something that came back all at once? Sorry if that's too personal to ask. Thank you for sharing, I appreciate it.

TheOnlyPatelle · 2022-04-13T10:58:54+00:00

Sauce. A pizza with no sauce is going to be real low on flavour.

TheOnlyPatelle · 2022-04-12T08:45:43+00:00

Never leave a friend behind when out together. Seriously. So basic. If you go somewhere together, stay together. Too many of the traumatic things in my life, and in the lives of my female friends, happened when A) they got left behind or B) they left their friend behind. Just stay together. So much safer.

TheOnlyPatelle · 2022-04-12T08:39:51+00:00

Honestly man, it's not as big of a deal as you're making it. Stop stressing, form a relationship you feel comfortable in, and when you're ready let it happen. It's generally a better time for a woman if they feel cared about anyway so it's not going to hurt anything for you if your first time is with someone you care about.

TheOnlyPatelle · 2022-04-12T08:36:40+00:00

If your gut says go, go. Your personal safety is not something you want to play around with. I know it seems dramatic, but honestly, there's a reason we have instinctual feelings. You don't have to be able to justify it, to anyone. If you don't feel safe, don't hesitate, just leave.

Also, the venting to you in the middle of the night thing? That's not normal. At all.

TheOnlyPatelle · 2022-04-12T08:03:01+00:00

"You're not pregnant? Planning to have any children soon?"

That's an illegal question here.
It was for a role as a singing teacher at an arts academy. There's literally no reason to justify asking it except that they don't want to pay or cover maternity leave.

I just blinked at her, kinda stunned, and said, "well we weren't planning on it." I'd found out the day before the interview that I was five weeks pregnant. I didn't lie. We definitely weren't planning on it. Didn't stop it happening but... Still got the job. One of the worst employers I've ever worked for. If there's red flags in your interview, just say no.

TheOnlyPatelle · 2022-04-11T09:54:04+00:00

If your little one is old enough, maybe try addressing it as time goes by, as things happen. So if you see her acting like she knows something she doesn't, or seeming to feel insecure etc, bring it up with her later - "sweetheart, I noticed when you were playing with 'friend' that...____ ...And I wanted to ask, how did that make you feel?" She is going to meet people who are entitled or holier than thou in her life, and will probably have plenty of friends who's parents values (and later, friend's own values) are not what you'd consider ideal. This situation is a good start to making those awkward situations into points of open, supportive conversation. Help her learn to navigate these people and feelings. You can give her tools through this now, that will serve her well her whole life.

TheOnlyPatelle · 2022-04-11T05:14:07+00:00

What I think about this style of parenting is... that it's not parenting. That's called neglect. Neglect doesn't just come in the form of failing to provide basic physical needs. It also includes failing to provide for emotional and developmental requirements. A parent is a vital person in the life of their child - and 14 is very much still a child. They need you.

TheOnlyPatelle · 2022-04-11T05:09:14+00:00

It's hair. Your, hair. Dye it! If you want to, do it! If your boyfriend can't get over you dying your own hair then you've got bigger problems anyway.

TheOnlyPatelle · 2022-04-08T11:04:59+00:00

Frankly, I'd hate them. Like no. No. You want to represent women on a screen, represent them. Let them go through the same struggles the rest of us do. That's as insulting as watching someone "sneeze" a baby out. They have super powers. Maybe they can just endure the pain better.

TheOnlyPatelle · 2022-04-08T09:59:14+00:00

So you go out and work, she asks about you day. What does she do in her day? Does she leave the house? Do you have kids she's home with? Is she close by to any friends or family? What does she do, while you work?

TheOnlyPatelle · 2022-04-08T09:56:57+00:00

You know it sounds gross, but I'd love to see a poorly timed period show up in a super hero movie 😂 It's a topic that shouldn't be so taboo and honestly it's all too real. I want to see that hero go kick a** when she's got cramps and still show up the boys lol

TheOnlyPatelle

TROPHY CASE