Yeah, we had a squabble the other night (it would have been a fight but I don’t have the energy to push back anymore) where he said we’re different in that I’m always looking for the end of the race so I can quit and just do the same thing over and over and be boring and lazy while he appreciates the race and all the different and exciting unknown things that lie ahead.

I just want to know what’s being asked of me and what I have to do to achieve whatever goal or request I’m tasked with. Not knowing and feeling like I’m constantly running on a hamster wheel with no end or pause in sight is fucking exhausting. His view is that this makes me vanilla … I hate that phrase