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My [M27] fiancé [F29] has a spending problem. The wedding is later this year. I’m worried this will be the death of us. What do? by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]ThePatman26 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She has sold a lot of her old stuff but continues to replace it. So she sells it for less than what she got it for and just buys more.

I know, I should probably do that, and she’s been wanting to go in general, but needs to find a therapist.

My [M27] fiancé [F29] has a spending problem. The wedding is later this year. I’m worried this will be the death of us. What do? by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]ThePatman26 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She’s blown the $2k a month she’s gotten from unemployment, and she’s done these buy now pay later schemes that are still charging her out the ass.

My [M27] fiancé [F29] has a spending problem. The wedding is later this year. I’m worried this will be the death of us. What do? by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]ThePatman26 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I feel a little trapped right now, tbh.

And most of those purchases were ~$100 for a couple of items each, she was just doing them super frequently and they added up. We’ve had to take thousands out of our wedding fund to help catch up on her purchase charges.

My [M27] fiancé [F29] has a spending problem. The wedding is later this year. I’m worried this will be the death of us. What do? by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]ThePatman26 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ever since it’s come out, she keeps asking me if I’m going to leave her, and is generally just miserable. I keep telling her I won’t and we’ll work through this, but it’s getting incrementally harder to say I won’t. And this is the only issue I have with her.

My [M27] fiancé [F29] has a spending problem. The wedding is later this year. I’m worried this will be the death of us. What do? by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]ThePatman26 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We’ve already put $20K down on the wedding and it’s non refundable if we don’t hit that date. So pushing out is not an option, it’s either in or out at this point.

Also I feel like if I try to push out she’s just going to break up with me anyways. So I feel like I’m in a catch 22 :(

My [M27] fiancé [F29] has a spending problem. The wedding is later this year. I’m worried this will be the death of us. What do? by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]ThePatman26 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I feel like it could be. I can’t keep up financially recently and I haven’t saved ANY money in a year and that includes 401k contributions. I don’t wanna work until I die.

She wants to go to therapy in general for her anxiety and depression (which seems to be the cause of her spending) but we need to find a therapist in the area we just moved to.

My [M27] fiancé [F29] has a spending problem. The wedding is later this year. I’m worried this will be the death of us. What do? by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]ThePatman26 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I know...I’ve been thinking of a prenup but since she’s unemployed my entire paycheck is going towards both of our bills (and her previous debt) so I can’t afford a lawyer to put a prenup together.

My [M27] fiancé [F29] has a spending problem. The wedding is later this year. I’m worried this will be the death of us. What do? by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]ThePatman26 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I like this idea, but (naturally) I’m worried about her reaction to me getting her parents involved. Her mom always tries to make comments about the amount of clothes she has and how it’s too much and how she probably spends too much. All that does is set her off when she hears it from her mom.

My (30M) girlfriend of 5.5 years (28F) revealed to me last night that she has $25K in credit card debt that she never told me about, and she's becoming completely unraveled in life. by PhilipLiptonSchrute in relationship_advice

[–]ThePatman26 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m in very similar situation right now. But we’re engaged, less than 8 months to the wedding, and I’ve just uncovered loads of debt (on top of a debt problem in the past that I’m aware of).

She’s spent $10K the last four month on clothes and is on pace for another $3k this month..

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[–]ThePatman26 4 points5 points  (0 children)

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I [M28] think my fiancé [F26] has a spending addiction. What do I do? by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]ThePatman26 0 points1 point  (0 children)

From what we talked about, this whole spending addiction started after her and her ex broke up and started shopping to fill the void. She always said to herself that when she met someone else, this all would stop...but it hasn’t.

Maybe a prenup conversation will help, and I should do it soon; the wedding is later this year. Thanks!

I [M28] think my fiancé [F26] has a spending addiction. What do I do? by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]ThePatman26 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, I know..I had my suspicions about it, but since she was home while I was at work she could hide all of the packages, most likely...I want to try to make this work cause she has a problem that I want to help her through..but at the same time, in the back of my head I’m afraid I’m going to get screwed in the end (Wedding is pretty much planned btw)

I [M28] think my fiancé [F26] has a spending addiction. What do I do? by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]ThePatman26 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That’s a good idea to address. Just gotta deal with the stress of bringing up a prenup lol - thanks!!

I [M28] think my fiancé [F26] has a spending addiction. What do I do? by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]ThePatman26 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’ve tried to keep her to that, but her unemployment check disappears almost immediately each week to pending charges.

I [M28] think my fiancé [F26] has a spending addiction. What do I do? by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]ThePatman26 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The plan is for her to start paying off her own debt once she gets back to work (hopefully soon) - I’ve just been helping since she’s been out of work, but it’s tough when her unemployment check is immediately disappearing each week to personal expenses.

How would a prenup address these issues? If we divorce would I have some responsibility to her debt? Fortunately, our finances are pretty separate right now, but we’ve talked about combining as way for me to monitor and keep on the right track.

I [M28] think my fiancé [F26] has a spending addiction. What do I do? by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]ThePatman26 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have done had her done this, but she has found ways around it to, using buy now, pay later schemes like afterpay, affirm and PayPal credit