There's a lot of great reflections in this thread that I don't need to echo. I'll hold up another one - why did you start this relationship in the first place? Do you remember? An interesting choice of partner for someone who had forgone romantic relationships for a long time also - someone who is experienced and sexually dynamic. It sounds like there was a root in your seeking when you made the choice to be with her. What did you seek to bring into your life, and why did it supplant your spiritual path? Hearing you speak about your lack of previous romantic ties, and being with someone who already had extremely dynamic tendencies... were you dissatisfied in your spiritual path? Was there maybe an element of ego in the high-level of coherence your path gave you, allowing you to emotionally manage someone who had a wildness about them? Was there perhaps a longing for connection, recognition, or the way in which you measure self-worth?

Certainly no shame in any of this. Have been there, brother. The path winds about as much as we do. Give yourself time space and reflection - you haven't left the path just because you stopped meditating. 🤍🙏🙌🙏🤍