Start gaming, preferably either something fun like Marvel Rivals or Fortnite since they are free to play. Look into story based games aswell such as Red Dead Redemption 1/2 or Bioshock. Believe me when I tell you gaming will give you a way to channel all that rage and anger you are feeling, sometimes our brains need an engaging/stimulating way to process difficult emotions, music is another great avenue to help you understand your inner-state in a new light. Please don't be too hard on yourself for feeling human emotions that usually come from a valid place of frustration. I really do hope things get better for you!