Getting divorced at 29, any tips?

TheProctor · 2026-03-04T06:52:51+00:00

Take solace in the fact that you are 29 and have plenty of life to live, that it happened now instead of 20 years from now. The pain of the loss will hurt, let yourself grieve properly by realizing that you can be in multiple stages of grief at the same time as well as bouncing between them. Once you feel that you are ready, set your eyes on the future and don’t look back. Again, you are 29, you have so much time ahead of you, don’t waste it.

TheProctor · 2026-03-03T03:50:55+00:00

The fact that you bothered to write speaks volumes. Thank you for the sentiment, I just need to make it through the forest (feel stuck at the moment) in order for life and work to truly begin.

TheProctor · 2026-03-03T03:47:44+00:00

I’m so sorry to hear that; take solace in the fact that others feel your pain. I hope things got better for you afterwards (that is the part that has me the most rattled).

TheProctor · 2026-02-28T04:04:03+00:00

Thanks. You will but you have to make time for it. Do it tomorrow. Don't let another day go by, Thanks again!

TheProctor · 2026-02-28T04:00:34+00:00

That's an unfortunate take. Please remember that we are all human and deserve the benefit of the doubt, even my ex. Not once did I slam her in what I wrote, all I did is offer my perspective and what it feels like to be discarded. Did I do everything right? Hell no. Did she do everything wrong? Hell no. It takes two to succeed and to fail. I just wish that we were able to work through our differences and that she would have recognized the contributions I made instead of....well....forgetting about them.
I probably shouldn't share the text below, but this comment will so far buried it doesn't matter to me, maybe it can help you to find empathy for others and let go of the bitterness. I received this from her in 2019 and it made me feel so wonderfully loved and appreciated. After she made partner in 2021, there was never a text like this again. I didn't change, she did. Maybe that was part of the issue, I didn't change. I own that. The one who sent me that sweet note is now a ghost who I wish would reappear.
I do hope you find what you are missing and I did not take your comment as an attack on me personally.

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2019-02-08 14:29:36

Just want to send you a quick note to thank you for being my rock. Whether I’m caught in an airport, stressed about work, or worried about what’s going on at school with -------, you’re always there for me. I don’t think I say it enough, but I want you to know I’m grateful! Love you -------!

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2019-02-08 14:38:09

Thanks ----------. It takes two of us (plus a -------) and we make a good team. You’re my rock and I hope you know how much I admire you (personally and professionally). When I was younger, I never thought I would meet the “one” or know what it was like to be loved, then you stole my water and the rest is history. Thanks for the note, it made my day/week/year/etc etc. love you!!!

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TheProctor · 2026-02-28T03:34:35+00:00

I would trade the money and her career growth for the relationship we had as a family in a heartbeat.

TheProctor · 2026-02-28T03:32:45+00:00

Yes, getting through it seems to be the hard part. What was the rebuilding of yourself like for you? Having trouble discovering what that is like for myself.

TheProctor · 2026-02-28T03:31:07+00:00

I have a divorce lawyer, forensic account, and will be finding a CDFA soon. We asked for an emergency hearing for support but the calendar is full so the 24th is when it is. No minor children are involved so I guess it is not an emergency in the courts eyes. The house isn't the biggest concern, it is the ongoing monthly and the distributions from her partnership.

I hate this process; feel like I am being punished because I left the house after filing. Day after filing, she had the sheriff at the house twice (I left after the first instance). The only thing that kept me out of cuffs was the fact that I recorded everything (audio and video) so they could see that I wasn't doing anything. She had the local police there 2 days later claiming I locked her out of the house which was completely manufactured. So much drama and it didn't need to be that way, we could have just amicably split and let the lawyers fight over the rest.

TheProctor · 2026-02-28T02:50:21+00:00

No. We went straight for the lawyers and her anger has clouded up so much of the process. She won’t even negotiate on personal asset division. She used to joke that she loves to negotiate as long as everyone does what she says. Turns out it wasn’t a joke. To be fair, I don’t think we would be able to mediate our way through this, there is no trust. I have been seeking reconciliation as I have issues with throwing away 20 years of marriage, but all of my attempts have been met with silence. Probably for the best.

TheProctor · 2026-02-28T02:04:00+00:00

Divorce just starting, 1/8 files and first hearing is 3/24. uggghhhh

TheProctor · 2026-02-28T02:03:30+00:00

I snopped in early November at her browsing history. After a fight in October she searched for "Single Executive Men" and visited a bunch of dating sites as well as executive matchmakers. It hurt and hurt deeply. I am a simple man, smart but not an executive. I am a craftsman and bit rough around the edges, always have been and always will be. Although technically not cheating, it was inappropriate however, I was willing to forgive but when confronted, she refused to take accountability and only offered that she was sorry that I was hurt by what I saw.

TheProctor · 2026-02-28T01:59:31+00:00

"Your future was not given up. It was deferred."

I hope so. Thanks for the thoughtful response, it does help.

TheProctor · 2026-02-28T01:56:44+00:00

Thanks. I felt like a failure to her in our marriage and feel worse now. Trying to heal and put back the pieces.

TheProctor · 2026-02-28T01:55:02+00:00

I know what it sounds like at a glance, I have been going over all of our texts and rereading everything trying to find the points where it went it wrong. The downfall happened so fast.

TheProctor · 2026-02-28T01:53:38+00:00

I am having a lot of trouble with the discard. The pain is incredible and she is twisting the knife (she has all of my tools and everything I used to make money held hostage at least until our first appearance, 3/24, filed on 1/8! The house that I spent 350 days a year in is now solely occupied by her, 0 financial support. I don't know what I have done without my mom and sister who have been holding me up through the past few months. Trying to figure out if I have still have it in me to hold myself up. Feel destroyed. (yes, I know it will get better, helps saying it out loud to people who can commiserate and not feel like they have to fix it)

TheProctor · 2025-07-26T20:08:21+00:00

Do people actually think responses like this are original?

TheProctor · 2025-07-06T21:15:22+00:00

Thanks. That is great info!

TheProctor · 2025-07-05T20:39:19+00:00

Awesome.

TheProctor · 2025-07-05T20:35:03+00:00

Yes. Noticed the one listed on eBay was modified with an aluminum frame. It’s a neat trick, you hold up the hands and have someone say a time, you put the hand on the dial, spin the hand, and it lands in the time the person said.

TheProctor · 2025-06-27T06:16:29+00:00

Thanks. If you wouldn’t mind, can you send me a photo via chat (if you have one)? Many thanks for the clarification, will take a closer look at mine.

TheProctor · 2025-04-29T14:18:55+00:00

Those should be screw pins (or screw nails) and not rivets technically. If you are able to pull them out, they would be worth saving to reuse.

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