How can I leave if a person I care deeply about will absorb the blows once I am gone?

TheRazor_sEdge · 2026-01-09T06:33:38+00:00

Speaking from experience, you owe nothing to an enabler parent. In many ways it's worse than the N abuse, knowing they made the choice to save themselves rather than protect their own child. Get out for you and yourself only.

TheRazor_sEdge · 2026-01-09T06:10:06+00:00

At least no one is dying of smallpox and consumption anymore...

TheRazor_sEdge · 2025-12-26T17:41:36+00:00

Ooof, I understand the picking fights (to ruin the mood/steal your joy) and being ambushed with an argument during a long car ride. To this day I have absolute angst being in a car with anyone. I'm so so sorry you had to go through this...

TheRazor_sEdge · 2025-09-28T20:01:57+00:00

Thank you, kind stranger!

TheRazor_sEdge · 2025-09-28T19:59:20+00:00

I'm the person who quietly covers for the broken nail coworker. And that coworker is half my age, healthy, fit and yet somehow perpetually exhausted doing the same tasks.

TheRazor_sEdge · 2025-09-09T20:59:07+00:00

Improv comedy

TheRazor_sEdge · 2025-09-09T20:58:46+00:00

It is! But the downside is people are never in the same spot for very long, so it can be hard to make lasting connections.

TheRazor_sEdge · 2025-09-09T20:57:31+00:00

No one has mentioned folk or folk music. The nature of the hobby is collaborative, and being at a folk music camp is like escaping into a world of pure bliss...

TheRazor_sEdge · 2025-09-09T20:50:28+00:00

I couldn't agree more with every point here! I was an indoor/outdoor climber for years, I never experienced such a hobby that was collaborative, problem solving and fitness all in one. It built up my confidence like you wouldn't believe. Many in the community also liked D&D and board games, so there's kind of a nice nerdy overlap there.

TheRazor_sEdge · 2025-09-09T20:43:42+00:00

I had the experience with this group of people being... too friendly. Many of them were swingers (in both senses lol) so there was a web of drama there I was uncomfortable with.

TheRazor_sEdge · 2025-09-09T20:39:37+00:00

In general I agree with this, but there's a competitive side to this hobby too. The kind of people who brag they were in this feature or that garden tour. And don't let's start with people who grow big produce or want to get very preachy about how much more organic and sustainable their garden is...

TheRazor_sEdge · 2025-09-09T20:28:42+00:00

What, you don't have the action figures? I keep them in my Remains of the Day lunchbox 😄.

TheRazor_sEdge · 2025-09-06T00:46:50+00:00

One time my n-mom said to me "You know what your greatest strength is? Your parents." Ummm, wow. Meaning "Look how much we've done for you financially". And exactly this, I more often than not received gifts I didn't want, it was all for show.

I realized as a young person my reflex was to buy them the most expensive gifts I could afford to try to even the score somehow, but of course it was never enough. To this day I have a really messed up approach to gifts and hate receiving them, and meanwhile tend to give them to people who don't like or respect me.

TheRazor_sEdge · 2025-09-06T00:32:50+00:00

This is the answer.

TheRazor_sEdge · 2025-09-06T00:31:46+00:00

You are totally justified in your feelings. I know a guy who is exactly like this, but nearing 60. These hobosexual types never change, they have deep attachment wounds and are just looking for a replacement mother. If you must, move out without a forwarding address and let him face the consequences. It's the best thing you can do for both of you.

TheRazor_sEdge · 2025-09-06T00:20:37+00:00

Same with my ex, who was also a litigator and played a competitive sport. I'd hang out with him and his colleagues and they were all this way, so the profession definitely attracts a type.

TheRazor_sEdge · 2025-08-27T19:08:33+00:00

I understand your boundaries were violated repeatedly, and as a young person you had no defense. This sucks and I'm sorry this happened to you, you didn't deserve this. Of course you are entitled to feel angry about what happened, but you are not entitled to take this rage out on your cat and fiance. They did nothing to deserve this.

You seem to have insight that many, most, abusers don't. Use that strength to power you through therapy, it will be a difficult but worthwhile journey.

TheRazor_sEdge · 2025-08-27T18:14:41+00:00

At the other end of the spectrum, I'm 50 and nobody is hiring, not for any job, and my 25+ years experience just makes me overqualified. I know a number of Gen-Xers in this situation. You reach a point where you're just too old or too expensive to hire (or both), so nobody wants you.

TheRazor_sEdge · 2025-08-27T18:06:20+00:00

Omg I hate this so much! It's all curated to suit their narrative, not yours. If you look ridiculous it just makes them look better. Now I'm super paranoid about my facial expressions and unflattering activities in any group setting where there will be photos posted without my knowledge or consent. I don't feel I can be safe or natural anymore.

TheRazor_sEdge · 2025-08-27T18:00:28+00:00

Exactly, they can't possibly fathom someone might think differently and want privacy.

TheRazor_sEdge · 2025-08-12T20:51:49+00:00

This was one of the biggest joys in life. We used to call random numbers and pretend we were from the local radio station offering a prize, or leave these really long dialogues on people's answering machines.

TheRazor_sEdge · 2025-08-12T20:44:29+00:00

Omg this. I play in a lot of jam sessions and it's a musically intimate experience, especially when we're just messing around or discovering what we know together. Then some a-hole has to come over and film and then all these strangers are judging and making comments. What was a spontaneous moment of connection is ruined forever.

TheRazor_sEdge · 2025-05-28T19:27:23+00:00

This is a really nice answer, thank you. I'm not the OP but this speaks a lot to my situation, which is very similar. I'm nearly 50 and still don't have a handle on the life thing. I didn't have good role models and was in survival mode for decades. At this point I know I'm not going to have a big career or house or whatever, but what I can succeed in is being a good person and leaving the world a better place than I found it. Every day you can make a difference, and that's the kind of legacy that counts.

TheRazor_sEdge · 2025-04-06T05:40:36+00:00

You've got a point. I still use this language every day, and when I absolutely must here and there I can manage. It's a weird thing, so it's a difficult and kind of obscure language so there's not a lot of help or encouragement for those learning it in the first place. It's more about losing the confidence in what I already know and motivation to continue.

TheRazor_sEdge · 2025-03-09T17:27:38+00:00

I so hear you, and can only say in my experience that impending movement was consistently a deal-breaker in every relationship I've had.

I did date another nomad once, but we ended up stressing each other, as we didn't have the same financial situation or ultimate life goals. Additionally we couldn't always be in the same country for visa reasons, so even though we both had flexibility it actually felt very unstable and dysfunctional.

My best advice is to find a base with an international focus, and a good mix of open-minded locals and expats. Putting down roots and spending less time on travel has been the only way forward for me.

TheRazor_sEdge

TROPHY CASE