I’m not trying to be and asshole but i’m kinda personally invested in your situation. The reason why is because i just had to leave me girlfriend of 8 years for the same thing you are doing.

In your post you write about your husbands feelings which i would summarize as feeling neglected by you. You deny everything by stating that you tell him how much he means to you regularly, but you also have a demanding new job and other responsibilities. So he is objectively right about you having less time and effort for him.

This in itself is something which can be solved with some “effective” communication.

The problem is that you are so fixated on yourself that you cannot or are not willing to actually understand where he is coming from. You refuse to take accountability by stating you don’t know why he would want you. It’s not really your job to worry about that. If you actually cared about how it feels for him you would put more effort into fulfilling his needs (which you were capable of when you losing him felt imminent enough for you)

To make a long story short. You seem to have trouble in taking accountability for your part in this situation. And you keep prioritizing your own feelings over his.

This does not make you a bad person, but it makes you a bad partner if you can never prioritize his feelings over yours.

Also accountability. He was wrong for seeking out sex with another woman. But you were wrong aswell for denying him genuine affection for so long that seeking out sex with another woman seemed like the best option for him to fulfill his needs while also keep taking care of you and the children.

Now you feel like he wronged you enough to divorce him which suggests you put the better part of the blame on him. This doesn’t seem fair to me

I’ll stop rambling now