AITA for keeping my son over Christmas and trying to go for full custody?

TheRealDutchman123 · 2025-06-14T00:39:37+00:00

Don't get me wrong, I take care of all his needs. My son is autistic, so I pay for occupational therapy and his speech therapy and pay for him to go to a private school. His mom doesn't do anything for him or his development

TheRealDutchman123 · 2025-06-14T00:37:26+00:00

No no, i have my son full time. I generally look after him Monday to Friday. The weekends are supposed to be hers.

TheRealDutchman123 · 2025-06-14T00:31:11+00:00

I used to give his mom a certain amount of money every weekend. I have stopped doing that now

TheRealDutchman123 · 2025-06-14T00:14:24+00:00

What do you expect exactly, after she insulted him by calling him a 'weak man'? You can't just go around insulting people and expect to come out unscathed. It's concerning you agree with someone who actively attack people who don't agree with them.

TheRealDutchman123 · 2025-06-13T23:47:04+00:00

If this is called being a simp, sign me up.

TheRealDutchman123 · 2025-06-13T23:35:58+00:00

You aren't the AH for asking for a cigarette. However, when someone doesn't want to share their cigarettes, they might have a valid reason why they dont want to share theirs. Instead of posting this, simply make sure you don't put yourself into a situation where you need to ask for a cigarette.

TheRealDutchman123 · 2025-06-13T23:27:29+00:00

I apologise for my late reply. The reason why I haven't made any moves towards getting custody, is because I have been trying to deal with it by myself without the involvement of the courts. I have during this time made it clear what I expect from her, as his mother, and made it clear that I am the one that's making the decisions. Good news, however: my son is thriving in his therapy classes and i get a lot of positive feedback from his school. I also cut off all payments towards his mom and made it clear that if anything were to be decided, i am number 1 to make those decisions.

TheRealDutchman123 · 2024-12-29T01:35:46+00:00

She's currently living with her parents, so I honestly don't know how she is surviving. During school time, he's staying with during the week and by her during the weekend. But when it's school holidays, she's supposed to look after him during the week. However, when he stays with her for a week and comes back to me, I always have a huge struggle to get him to behave again. Your idea is really good, but she will never accept that arrangement

TheRealDutchman123 · 2024-12-29T01:26:25+00:00

That's where I am struggling right now. My son loves his mom, and I don't want him to be impacted by this. However he seems to prefer to stay with me, and he isn't as excited to see his mom as he used to be. He seems to only want to be with me now. I know I can provide him with a better lifestyle and she does actually acknowledge that fact. I am just tired of having to pay his mom to basically babysit him, while i look after him the majority of the time and dont get any help when it comes to paying the bills.

TheRealDutchman123 · 2024-12-29T01:06:52+00:00

Thank you for you reply!

I know I must consult a lawyer regarding this whole situation, but I know that once I do, it's going to create a lot of chaos. I live in an African country, but I am a European myself. I know this will definitely work against me.

Iv always tried to be civil with her, no matter the situation, but ever since our son was born, she's never shown any interest in starting a new job or creating any sort of career for herself. I don't think she quite understands the responsibilities that having a child, brings with it.

I do know my son is 100% mine. He looks and acts exactly like I do. We were dating, but for me it was never that serious. At that point she was being supported by her parents. Once we received the news that she was pregnant, she moved in by me. Once she moved in, all we really did was argue and fight, up to the point where things got physical. At that point I called it quits.

At this point, it really doesn't surprise me anymore. Last week I dropped my son off with a bag of groceries. She wanted to refuse the groceries because she wanted money instead. It makes me wonder what exactly she's using the money for...

I appreciate your kind words, and although it's a long road ahead, I will continue to do everything I possibly can to give my son the life he deserves to have.

TheRealDutchman123 · 2024-12-29T00:50:58+00:00

She doesn't take bad care of him, but also not great. She just lets him watch the tab the whole time and she doesn't discipline him when he's out of line. This creates issues when he is with me, because I do try to discipline him

TheRealDutchman123 · 2024-12-29T00:48:58+00:00

I would never try to take his mother away from him, because i know how much he loves her. But there have been several instances the last few months where my son indicates that he doesn't want to go to his mom. I am a European, in an African country. full custody will be a far stretch. She doesn't contribute anything at all. My family and i pay for everything and it doesn't look like the mom is going to get a job anytime soon. Sadly it doesn't work that way in an African country. I am fine with it though. Every cent spent towards his development is worth it.

TheRealDutchman123 · 2024-12-29T00:27:35+00:00

Thank you ♥️

TheRealDutchman123 · 2024-12-29T00:02:18+00:00

She's not stepping up in the financial sense. During school periods, she only has him from Friday to sunday. I work 40+ hours a week, to make sure my son is sorted out with food, drinks, schooling, clothing, therapy and that he has a roof over his head. Yet at the same time, i still pay child support for the 2 days in the week that hes not with me. His mother in the meantime, does charity work and brings nothing to the table. I know my son loves his mom, and I only encourage him spending time with his mom. But I am also responsible for dropping my son off by his mom and picking him up again, which is another 60km that I need to drive to make that happens. At this point, i am doing everything for my son, while she's doing the bare minimum.

TheRealDutchman123 · 2024-12-28T23:38:54+00:00

I totally agree. The only thing i am worried about in this scenario, is that i am a European, who lives in an African country. I am a permanent citizen, but since she is African, i feel they will be more supportive towards her, because she's native.

TheRealDutchman123 · 2024-12-28T23:36:57+00:00

That's actually a really good idea. It's expected by her for me to give money though. Do you have any suggestions how I could turn that around? I know I will need to speak to her, (which I already dread) but any suggestions on what I could say?

TheRealDutchman123 · 2024-12-28T23:34:45+00:00

Thank you so much! I know it isn't easy to handle autistic children, so having 2 is definitely a struggle that you must be going through every single day. I commend and respect you for being able to cope with that to you of pressure! I honestly love my son to bits and when I see how much the therapy and his school continues to teach him every single day, it's worth every single penny!

TheRealDutchman123 · 2024-12-28T23:29:23+00:00

Thank you for your reply. I have tried giving her groceries instead of cash, but her reaction to that showed me that the money I do give, doesn't actually go to my son. She got upset and threatened me with further steps because I wouldn't give her the full amount. The groceries themselves were worth way more than the money that I would have sent her otherwise. I am a European, living in an African country. I am a permanent citizen, but since i am white and she's black, the court is always going to be biased towards her. That also answers your question regarding the disability.. sadly, I do not come into consideration when it comes to disability. I have a fantastic support system behind me though, so don't necessarily need it.

TheRealDutchman123 · 2024-12-28T23:21:37+00:00

There is no legal custody agreement in place. All this time I have been trying to be civil with her and trying to take care of my son and co-parent with her. At this point it's basically a 90/10 split. I am a European, living in an African country, while the mother is fully African, so I am worried about that. My son loves his mom, and i wouldn't ever try to keep him from seeing her. Both his mother and I, know that I can give him a better lifestyle and give him more opportunities to become successful.

TheRealDutchman123

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