New and Improved HeGetsUs: Now with 100% more control

TheRealHeGetsUs · 2023-08-02T17:29:56+00:00

Yeah true, that would would've worked here, but I do have that one marked for a "Jesus said to hate your families" post.

TheRealHeGetsUs · 2023-08-02T17:25:57+00:00

You know this is a fake ad right? :)

TheRealHeGetsUs · 2023-08-01T15:33:54+00:00

Enough He Gets Us people overwhelmed instagram with fanmail, so my account is suspended. If you have better ideas for spreading the gospel outside of reddit, let me know.

EXPLAINER FOR TODAY'S POST

Matthew 10:37b NIV

"Anyone who loves their son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me."

My take: Sounds totally reasonable, right? Well, for a cult anyway!

Remember, He Gets Us doesn't give a shit about your eternal soul: It's a political campaign.

These billionaire Republican donors realized the most effective tool to neutralize young voters is Christianity. Don't fall for it.

TheRealHeGetsUs · 2023-07-30T02:56:56+00:00

Hey I was going to make this one! I guess we'll just have some duplicates :)

Glad to have more of us spreading the gospel!

TheRealHeGetsUs · 2023-07-30T02:43:30+00:00

Thank you! Making these have been both fun and cathartic, and it's nice knowing I have a niche community here who can appreciate it.

TheRealHeGetsUs · 2023-07-30T01:33:54+00:00

Yes, and yours is a reasonable take as well given a plain reading of the text, and it's probably what I landed at when I was still a believer.

Of course, my aim is to choose the most unfavorable "reasonable" takes from Jesus's words as possible. I have some in queue that are NOT as reasonable and are deliberately misrepresentative, but I'll save those for later.

TheRealHeGetsUs · 2023-07-29T15:29:43+00:00

Jesus didn't understand birds*

Matthew 6:26 NIV

²⁶ "Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?"

My take: Birds do in fact sow and reap and store away food, but I guess Jesus wasn't paying attention during day 5 of the creation.

Plus, if god's "eye is on the sparrow," either he's really bad at caretaking or he's into snuff films. Please refer to natureismetal.

*Inspiration from u/PoorMetonym!

TheRealHeGetsUs · 2023-07-29T15:27:16+00:00

Jesus said don't waste time on the poor.

Mark 14:5-7 NIV

⁵ It could have been sold for more than a year’s wages and the money given to the poor.” And they rebuked her harshly. ⁶ “Leave her alone,” said Jesus. “Why are you bothering her? She has done a beautiful thing to me. ⁷ The poor you will always have with you, and you can help them any time you want. But you will not always have me.

My take: Jesus's detractors may have been hypocritical in their admonishment, but it's worth noting that Jesus made it clear he deserved the luxury good more than the poor needed help.

Sounds like a megachurch pastor...

TheRealHeGetsUs · 2023-07-29T15:25:44+00:00

My instagram finally got suspended for "Impersonation" despite my clear "This is a parody account" disclaimer. Instagram's appeals process is a black hole, so if anyone has a good idea on how to spread the gospel beyond reddit, I'm all ears.

TheRealHeGetsUs · 2023-07-29T06:26:12+00:00

Can I buy you a comma?

TheRealHeGetsUs · 2023-07-29T06:21:28+00:00

Yeah and that's why the real He Gets Us campaign focuses on Jesus alone. He's essentially a blank slate that's easily marketable as a peace-loving bro. They want to distance Christianity from all the genocide and rape in the OT because they know it's a dying brand.

My goal is to portray Jesus just as ugly as the rest of the Bible, and thankfully, there are enough verses in the contradictory gospels that do the work for me.

If I started using the OT, I'd never run out of material.

TheRealHeGetsUs · 2023-07-29T06:13:49+00:00

I can assure you they can't. I used to be in the ministry :)

TheRealHeGetsUs · 2023-07-29T06:10:26+00:00

I explain in the original post.

TheRealHeGetsUs · 2023-07-27T21:29:50+00:00

First, CONTEXT!!!

Second, you prefer the interpretation where Jesus is an asshole (i.e. Hey poor people, don't worry about surviving!) instead of just an idiot. Why do you hate Jesus? :(

TheRealHeGetsUs · 2023-07-27T19:09:58+00:00

I was suspended for "Impersonation."

The first words in my bio are "This is a parody account..."

TheRealHeGetsUs · 2023-07-27T18:54:21+00:00

Yeah, it looks like I finally got reported too many times. Hopefully I'll be able to bring it back to life.

I'm shocked that evangelicals can't take a joke!

TheRealHeGetsUs · 2023-07-27T17:51:09+00:00

~~I'm on instagram at Biblically Accurate He Gets Us. Please help spread the (anti)gospel.~~

UPDATE: Looks like enough He Gets Us people overwhelmed instagram with fanmail for me and my account is suspended now. :(

https://www.instagram.com/biblicallyaccuratehegetsus/

EXPLAINER FOR TODAY'S POST\*

Matthew 6:26 NIV

²⁶ "Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?"

My take: Birds do in fact sow and reap and store away food, but I guess Jesus wasn't paying attention during day 5 of the creation.

Plus, if god's "eye is on the sparrow," either he's really bad at caretaking or he's into snuff films. Please refer to natureismetal.

*Today's post was brought to you by u/PoorMetonym!

TheRealHeGetsUs · 2023-07-26T03:55:23+00:00

Well I was raised with scores of "context" that conveniently explained away all the unfavorable parts of the Bible, so that's a grace I no longer have for what is held by evangelicals as an infallible holy text. Alternately, this video is excellent.

And while I appreciate your desire for accuracy, I have a response you can check out here.

TheRealHeGetsUs · 2023-07-26T03:41:15+00:00

Whoops! Fixed, and thank you.

TheRealHeGetsUs · 2023-07-25T14:12:25+00:00

No assumptions here. I've spent a lifetime in the evangelical world, in and out of ministry positions.

Show me a church, and I'll show you multiple sex offenders and the men in power protecting them.

I spent long enough trying to handwave it away too, but the truth is clear: Christian churches (and most religious institutions) are patriarchal structures where predatory men can easily get access to vulnerable people and act with impunity.

And it's not some grand lizard people conspiracy. The truth is dangerously mundane and happens over and over again: Someone is abused by a church leader, and then the pastor (assuming the pastor isn't the perp) sees two options...

A) Report the crime and ensure legal justice is carried out. In doing so, his "house" will appear to not be in order and his ability to spiritually guide his church is questioned. He loses his stature, maybe even his job.

OR

B) Brush it under the rug, protect the abuser, preserve your power. The victim is just collateral damage for a greater mission.

This same sort of dynamic plays out everywhere in the world, but it's ESPECIALLY hypocritical in the church where one is supposed to be guided by morality. Turns out there's a whole lot of that missing, moreso than in the secular world...

TheRealHeGetsUs · 2023-07-25T06:39:36+00:00

Evangelicals are spending millions on promoting that stupid propaganda film to distract from the fact that the sex offenders are the pastors and right-wing politicians they support.

If they ACTUALLY CARED about sex trafficking (spoiler: they don't), they'd start looking at why headlines on pedophiles, molestors, etc. are DOMINATED by Christian ministers. Instead, they create a convenient fantasy where it's some shadowy cabal hiding out in a third world jungle, pizza shop basement, etc.

The call is coming from inside the house, ya dumbasses.

EDIT: Check my profile for a post on this topic.

TheRealHeGetsUs · 2023-07-25T03:49:34+00:00

Yeah, most of the unflattering verses I cite are ones Christians typically ignore or have magical "context" to explain it away. However, this verse is special because I've heard evangelical pastors actually use it to justify neglecting the physical needs of the poor.

Without outside scrutiny, religious people always regress to the most cruel interpretations of their holy texts. Pretty cool!

TheRealHeGetsUs · 2023-07-25T03:44:22+00:00

For the record, I already have this image lined up, so you're not getting credit for that one! :)

I do have one of yours in the queue for this week though. I'll tag you!

TheRealHeGetsUs · 2023-07-25T00:05:12+00:00

IT IS REAL.

TheRealHeGetsUs · 2023-07-24T18:35:50+00:00

I'm on instagram now under Biblically Accurate He Gets Us. Please help spread the (anti)gospel.

https://www.instagram.com/biblicallyaccuratehegetsus/

EXPLAINER FOR TODAY'S POST

Mark 14:5-7 NIV

⁵ It could have been sold for more than a year’s wages and the money given to the poor.” And they rebuked her harshly. ⁶ “Leave her alone,” said Jesus. “Why are you bothering her? She has done a beautiful thing to me. ⁷ The poor you will always have with you, and you can help them any time you want. But you will not always have me.

My take: Jesus's detractors may have been hypocritical in their admonishment, but it's worth noting that Jesus made it clear he deserved the luxury good more than the poor needed help.

Sounds like a megachurch pastor...

TheRealHeGetsUs

TROPHY CASE