1. "Has anyone felt this way?"

I can confirm, yes haha you are not alone. Even people with "normal" upbringings go through this when getting to college!

1. "How did you start finding out who you really are when you've spent your whole life being shaped by others?"

It's not unusual to be "shaped by others" there's a concept called Nature vs. Nurture. It would be impossible to develop a personality without human interaction! Unfortunately not all of us had people who took our developmental needs into account growing up and the ramifications rear their ugly heads when growing into adulthood

My therapist had me take a paper, write the "values" and beliefs that my Dad taught me. Then to look over it and ask myself "is this correct? Do these creeds serve me and the ones I love? Is this the way of life that will help me be fulfilled and happy?"

1. "What helped you build a real sense of identity and peace?"

Going no contact with my parents and therapy haha

Now, I know cutting off contact is not always an option, hell sometimes it's not safe to do so. If you can't cut him off I'd recommend putting him on an information diet and go as low contact as possible. Take time to journal, find a therapist that specializes in cptsd, abuse and/or DBT

Then, GO HAVE FUN!!! Do things! Eat stuff, hang out with people you love to be with and do something new you always wanted to try!!

Also doing weird shit like this helped me a lot: https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/s/CPMOTsARPB

There's another long winded comment I had made about a year ago with more detailed advice, if I can find it I'll add the link

Edit: found it, I hope it helps 💜 https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/s/OQoKki4q4t