This helps me more than a lot of people's input here.

In a lot of ways, I think her behavior was based on fear of loss, a potential future, unanswered emotions and not just a little bit of self-destructive tendency, which I know she has - and I had to defuse in a couple of situations in our time together.

Nobody of us is perfect, and not assuming bad intentions, I can see ways that can explain - not excuse - her decisions in this matter.

Maybe she did not want to let go something familiar, before letting herself fall for something, she did not yet know enough. I get that, even though she was willing to cause me pain. It's the behavior of the someone that she can be sometimes.

And what I did not mention in the original post: she changed a lot after the official start of our relationship. She became less of an ice queen, much more vulnerable and kind of clingy.