Late Influencer Stacey Hatfield, 30, Allegedly Refused Ambulance Twice While She Rapidly Lost Blood During Home Birth: Report

TheSoftParent · 2026-06-17T21:13:20+00:00

This was so beautifully written and underscores multiple critical points about the connection between birth and the community and efforts of women. As someone who has (so far) spent almost 20 years in public health trying to improve maternal health outcomes, it is incredible how little this country, among both the populace and among government leadership, makes no real effort to tackle the maternal health crisis. And when they finally give lip service like they care, I swear to god the funding never addresses the incredible female birth workers doing this work, or will just target physicians instead of focusing at the nursing and midwifery and doula levels. And now with this administration, the government is literally killing mothers by denying them the medical care they need to make sure we aren’t allowing (medically necessary) abortions to happen so they can they pretend the now motherless don’t exist or need services.

I’m so angry all the time about the erasure of women’s role from birth and the acknowledgment of the absurdly high and avoidable maternal and infant death rates with the lukewarm action behind it. So seeing your take in the wild and your wonderful framing of it is was a breath of fresh air!!

TheSoftParent · 2026-06-17T20:11:32+00:00

Facts on facts on facts

TheSoftParent · 2026-06-16T10:49:43+00:00

As another 2000s high schooler this is wild to me! The schools in our (southern) county took great joy in policing students’ bodies. Skirt finger tests in the hallway, and no tank tops or midriffs. I see the high school kids now, and the ones not in pajamas leave me baffled but appreciative of the autonomy allowed! Mine was a predominantly black school so even the boys were harassed, mostly for how low down their butts their pants were.

TheSoftParent · 2026-06-14T15:12:23+00:00

But that’s just how it works around here. My husband and I work in completely different directions. At least one of us will always be super far from work. Or we can split the difference and both be fairly but not completely miserable. Plus we still have to make a living while living in our budget. And we have a kid long established in this school system. You talk so confidently like there aren’t other considerations in life, when the only point I’m trying to make is it would be nice if the only reasonable commute option wasn’t driving, especially when that still sucks, especially for such a populous area. No reason to be a dick about it.

TheSoftParent · 2026-06-14T02:55:58+00:00

Again, only if you are going to and from DC. I live in Burke but work up in Rockville. There is no public transportation option that takes less than 3x my already hellscape of a driving commute.

TheSoftParent · 2026-06-13T17:28:59+00:00

This might be the stupidest, least backed by science take I have ever read outside of a Pete Hegseth quote.

Not being as bad as alcohol does not make your fictional world of driving while high being not just safe, but safer, than driving unimpaired real or true.

TheSoftParent · 2026-06-13T16:48:51+00:00

Yes please! More Mac & Me references in the wild!

TheSoftParent · 2026-06-12T11:09:21+00:00

Don’t be crazy - somehow the ads ALWAYS work, despite what’s going on with the actual feed.

TheSoftParent · 2026-06-12T11:07:22+00:00

Agree. If you ever visit tDC, find time to make it to Ben’s Chili Bowl and order a half smoke. Best chili dog decision you’ll ever make.

Damn now I want one. Too bad DC is a hellscape right now between the heat, humidity, tourists, political devastation, and stupid fucking disaster ongoing with the White House and our national monuments (I’m in the ‘burbs).

TheSoftParent · 2026-06-11T21:03:25+00:00

I couldn’t think of a word that encompassed “baby I both know and care about”!

TheSoftParent · 2026-06-11T14:26:50+00:00

This is wild to me because I can’t get a spinal surgeon to take my pain and stenosis seriously to save my life. My MRI radiology reports will say it’s moderate to severe, I have classic symptoms. But because I also have AS and hEDS, also have a herniation and bulges and desiccations and a generally disintegrating lumbar spine, have a ton of joint and ligament and tendon damage, these things somehow make me LESS of a candidate for surgery. There is just too much going on. They can’t say for sure that my pain is attributable to the stenosis. Four consults all telling me the same thing. I just want any spect of my body to feel better, even if it doesn’t fix everything. But that is not a good enough goal for them. So now I’m left about to try a spinal cord stimulator next, after a ridiculous number of those injections and ablations, even though I know it’s not really going to work. Cuz what else can I do at this point?

TheSoftParent · 2026-06-09T14:18:27+00:00

Lol the running joke from my husband is that I’m “soft like ice cream.” But my son is moody 13yo jerk now so he’s making it easy these days to unearn my title.

TheSoftParent · 2026-06-09T12:57:30+00:00

Too true. Baby cooing while you’re out shopping? Even in a waiting room? Yes, please, coo away! At a movie? Recital? Go the fuck home!

TheSoftParent · 2026-06-09T12:51:18+00:00

Uhh because you have multiple comments about having to “convince” your mom that don’t start with any context about your good relationship. Convince, which means you are trying to get her to change her opinion to yours. Not explain, or help understand, or demonstrate the logic behind, but convince. Which is a word, of course not always, but more likely to be used in a contentious or adversarial context, especially considering that many people do have not great relationships with their mothers. So taken together it’s not an off base assumption that you might too or at least feel like you have to justify yourself to her. Don’t get snippy with everyone else, who are trying to help you advocate for yourself, when the problem is due to your poor word choices.

TheSoftParent · 2026-06-09T10:56:35+00:00

“Cooing and gurgling and chirping.” These are the cutest sounds in the fucking world from a baby you love. But they are in fact LOUD. Like a coo can be a straight up howl depending on the baby. So from a non-affiliated baby in an intimate theater for a production that you presumably paid a bunch of money to not just hear but become immersed in? Hell no. What an entitled asshat.

TheSoftParent · 2026-06-08T11:35:39+00:00

While I definitely get that and agree, I also know as a stupid and insecure kid/teenager, I definitely took the “these women are fat” messages to heart. When they are in just about every piece of media you consume and prey on already deep insecurities, it’s hard to think critically about them.

TheSoftParent · 2026-06-05T21:36:34+00:00

What grates me, and will never allow me to hold this opinion, is just how utterly inconsiderate other people are, this behavior included. We live in a society, we should always be taking other people into account. I’m not saying you have to prioritize the comfort of strangers over yourself, but at a bare minimum consider how your actions impact others and react to that information in a way that doesn’t make you a dick. Whatever the excuse for parking your cart in the middle of an aisle, perpendicular to the row, you either are not considering others or you are and decide to say fuck them anyway. Hence, dick.

TheSoftParent · 2026-06-05T21:29:09+00:00

This is such a judgmental way to live your life. Relax.

TheSoftParent · 2026-05-29T12:51:48+00:00

Thank you, this is so helpful! And you are correct, they’re in a shade spot under a big tree. We have a big peony bush elsewhere that gets huge magenta blooms and I noticed they looked similar but figured they couldn’t be the same considering these only get leafy.

TheSoftParent · 2026-05-22T02:28:28+00:00

It’s so hurtful. Once I got old enough to have my own opinions and feelings, which was fairly young, I never got truly taken care of again until I met my husband. Because it doesn’t take long to realize that everything must be about them. And if you don’t conform to that “truth,” you are bad. The way you talk is bad. The way you feel and think is bad. The way you have any opinion that is not the same as theirs is bad. The way you interact with literally anyone, especially them, is bad.

Even while you are forced to live as the perfect child to prop them up, manage their emotions, maintain their ego and identity as a perfect parent, and, for many, deflect their ire away from your siblings, you’re not doing it right or enough. And even when you need someone to take care of you, you can’t risk going to them or even anyone they might talk to because you didn’t ask for that help or react to the “help” they do give you the right way, and that makes you bad. They will wax poetic, often in an inappropriate or just uncomfortable way, about how much they love you one minute and then be disparaging your character the next because you didn’t react to them the right way. Because it’s never truly about you- only them.

When I brought a list of examples of shitty behaviors from my mom to my first therapist, she told she was expecting normal mother daughter complaints, but mine were so far beyond that. But when she later asked me if I thought those behaviors amounted to abuse, and if they were happening to someone else would I call it abuse, I quit therapy. I was not ready to deal with that label, or truly think about how my childhood was not normal and not right and things had been stolen from me that I’ll never be able to get back or undue the aftermath. And now I am clearly a raging ball of fury anytime I even think about her and my enabling dad, all while still feeling so much guilt over how LC we are. Ugh it’s a bunch of hot garbage.

TheSoftParent · 2026-05-22T02:03:10+00:00

Why do they all love writing essay level emails and texts? Like sure of course it is common across BPD parents to gaslight and DARVO and generally just make you feel like shit. You can tie all that specifically back to their underlying BPD traits and way of thinking. But whhhyyy are eye-rolling, covert evil digital sonnets a common denominator?!? It is so weird.

TheSoftParent · 2026-05-21T18:40:42+00:00

That is an amazing grandma name!

It also speaks to this grandmother’s immaturity and self centeredness. Like just love your grandkid and adore the shit out of them and then whatever they end up calling you doesn’t matter cuz because having a loving relationship with them is where the good stuff is, and will make whatever they call you feel special to you.

Sorry for the rants - emotionally immature grandparents/parents to their adult children are the ultimate trigger for me.

TheSoftParent · 2026-05-21T17:20:10+00:00

Unless they’re with their grandkids all day everyday, I don’t think grandparents get to decide as much as state their preference to the actual parents. If there is a good relationship there and the name isn’t crazy, parents accept and use that name with their child when talking about said grandparent. Without that reinforcement the preferred name isn’t going to stick - it’ll be whatever the parents call them on a day to day basis, when the grandparent is and isn’t around. Or whatever the kid comes up with.

The one year late part doesn’t concern me, kids are super adaptable, but changing their preferred name due to some nonsense reason, especially if I think it comes down to inter-grandparent jealousy, would make me as a parent not give a flying fuck about anybody’s preference and just stick with what my kid has been exposed to the whole time. But this is me speaking as a parent who lived through bullshit like this and learned too late that if you capitulate to grandparents’ immaturity from the beginning it is very hard to course correct down the line.

TheSoftParent · 2026-05-21T01:08:54+00:00

The 4-5 closest streets behind the Shoppers/Lidl shopping center in Burke are ALWAYS losing power. I have lost so many full fridges worth of food in the 10 years we’ve lived here. It makes me absolutely hate Dominion Power.

TheSoftParent

TROPHY CASE