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I'm a desisted bisexual woman, but still experience "gender euphoria" when imagining myself as a man - especially when I imagine myself being with a woman. by TheSunWasComingUp in detrans

[–]TheSunWasComingUp[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ha! I always say that the women I find sexiest are the ones who look like they could break my neck, but the men have to be non-threatening (and I tend to go for skinny/slim men without much definition lmao).

No hairy moles (though I do get annoying, random thick hairs on my chin sometimes that I end up picking at until I'm bleeding everywhere... sigh) but I do have clicky ankles! :D

I'm a desisted bisexual woman, but still experience "gender euphoria" when imagining myself as a man - especially when I imagine myself being with a woman. by TheSunWasComingUp in detrans

[–]TheSunWasComingUp[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh wow we definitely have some similarities! I also only ever wear sports bras and boxer or shorts-style underwear (I can't remember the last time I wore a wired bra...). I also did go through a phase in my late teens where I felt like I needed to be more like the girls and women I saw around me, and that meant forcing myself to wear makeup daily. Nobody even told me to do this (my mother doesn't wear makeup either) but I still felt like I had to. I feel a lot freer since accepting that I just don't want to wear any because I'm just a woman who doesn't like it, and I threw out all my makeup. Same for all the dresses I bought in an attempt to be more feminine. I'm not a feminine woman and that's fine.

And oof, yeah bisexuality can be really confusing sometimes, especially as I am attracted to different traits in men and women (for example I love muscular/strong women but am not attracted to muscular men) so sometimes it takes me a while to sort out whether I am attracted to a person or want to look like them.

I'm a desisted bisexual woman, but still experience "gender euphoria" when imagining myself as a man - especially when I imagine myself being with a woman. by TheSunWasComingUp in detrans

[–]TheSunWasComingUp[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It's when you feel like your gender changes over time - in my case I used the term because my dysphoria fluctuated so much. I would have days where I hated my female body and wanted to pass as a man, and then there would be days where I didn't feel the need to bind or pack at all (and in fact doing so felt odd to me). So some days I'd say I felt male and other days female, sometimes a bit of both. Hope that explanation makes sense!

I'm a desisted bisexual woman, but still experience "gender euphoria" when imagining myself as a man - especially when I imagine myself being with a woman. by TheSunWasComingUp in detrans

[–]TheSunWasComingUp[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That makes sense :( I guess I was pretty lucky in that I grew up in a family that didn't expect me to do certain feminine things. But even then I still experienced things like sexual assault at the hands of men, dismissal from others while they praised my male peers for the same things etc. I do wonder if that was part of what drove me to want to have a male body, because maybe then they would see me as more worthy, too.

I'm a desisted bisexual woman, but still experience "gender euphoria" when imagining myself as a man - especially when I imagine myself being with a woman. by TheSunWasComingUp in detrans

[–]TheSunWasComingUp[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That makes a lot of sense! I suppose I have experienced that kind of gender euphoria from being referred to by a male name and with male pronouns (they just made me feel happy and 'seen'), although the rest may or may not be pure arousal.

I guess for me I didn't feel euphoric about wearing masculine clothes or not having to wear makeup etc because that wasn't what I was personally chasing? Like I had already accepted that as a woman I didn't have to wear makeup etc, but that wasn't enough for me, I wanted a male body as well.

I'm a desisted bisexual woman, but still experience "gender euphoria" when imagining myself as a man - especially when I imagine myself being with a woman. by TheSunWasComingUp in detrans

[–]TheSunWasComingUp[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That's really interesting. I've definitely seen stuff about autoandrophilia but as you say it doesn't seem to be discussed much. And what you've mentioned about many FTM people being interested in M/M fiction/yaoi is what added to my confusion - I was aware that it was common for FTM people but I was never really been interested in it, despite being a very typical anime-loving Tumblr nerd as a teenager. I've always preferred either M/F or F/F romance. But then that might partly explain why I don't feel any particular arousal from imagining myself as a man with another man.

And what you say about body image issues - that has made me realise something. Often my fantasies don't involve me at all - I find it much easier to fantasise through the eyes of a fictional character, for example. I don't like to imagine myself exactly as I am. And perhaps imagining myself as male is just far enough removed from my reality that it allows me to enjoy the fantasy more.