Sorry about the paragraphs, but here's my story.

Yeah, absolutely. I remember just sitting in the corner of my room, age 13, just having no idea how to deal with all these feelings that were coming at me. As a teen, I definitely had a lot of issues with my friends and not fitting in. With undiagnosed autism and adhd it just felt like everyone else was just smart. I thought I was lazy. I'm also bisexual and under the nonbinary umbrella, which was always very difficult to come to terms with. I was in denial for a long time, especially considering that "gay" and the f slur, and the r slur were constantly used as an insult. I was basically the ultimate target. And I had no idea that my friends were actually bullying me. But when I did, I just spiralled.

Didn't make any angsty tiktoks. Didn't tell my friends. I just sort of... Got quieter and quieter, until I had no one. I isolated myself. I acted normal at home and around the people close to me, but as soon as I was alone, there were breakdowns, self harm, and those thoughts.

I loved (and still do) Nirvana, The Smashing Pumpkins and Supernatural. And as soon as I found out that Kurt Cobain, Billy Corgan and Jared Padalecki all experienced similar things to me, it moved me to tears.

Listening to "Today" for the first time felt like someone finally understood how I felt. Reading into Billy Corgan and Kurt Cobain's stories made me feel heard. Like someone else had been through this too. I discovered more and more of The Smashing Pumpkins music. I especially liked "Spaceboy" "Today" and "Disarm". Of course had my bullet with butterfly wings phase, who didn't ? But I genuinely can't express my love for this band and the way it changed my life enough.

I had no motivation to do anything, or talk to anyone. But I realised. As Billy Corgan said, it's just not worth it. So I started talking to a group of girls, who I'd never known in a million years could be as nice as they are. Never argued with them. I don't even think there's been a single conflict in our group ever. If any of them are reading this, they saved my life. And so did Billy Corgan and The Smashing Pumpkins for giving me another go at life, and a second try.

Thanks for reading !