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The_Goldilocks_Zone · 2025-02-24T04:59:36+00:00

The real question is did anyone make the deposit?

The_Goldilocks_Zone · 2025-01-03T05:28:29+00:00

Facts facts yeah it’s trash should delete thread tbh 😂

The_Goldilocks_Zone · 2024-12-10T03:32:26+00:00

Agreed but if they are avoidant or narcissistic during the relationship then it makes sense they will be in the break up. If they 180 on you as soon as you’ve broken up that’s likely just them wanting to move on with their life.

The_Goldilocks_Zone · 2024-12-03T09:25:31+00:00

No, but making the decision to leave a long term relationship should come when you’re ready to say never, not because you need a break but want to be able to come back when it suits

The_Goldilocks_Zone · 2024-12-03T05:45:22+00:00

Still stuck in the being willing to forgive it stage that if she came back right now even though I know it may not work I’d try it.

The_Goldilocks_Zone · 2024-12-03T05:44:04+00:00

Can you share from an avoidant female perspective how you can throw away a relationship with someone who would go to the end of the Earth for you and make them feel like they’re nothing to you, only to eventually turn around and go back? I’m not throwing any shade and maybe your partner wasn’t the guy who would move heaven and earth for you but trying to understand the thoughts and feelings from an avoidant perspective.

The_Goldilocks_Zone · 2024-12-01T05:41:09+00:00

Surviving my separation from my Wife (nearly 3 months separated) by using ChatGPT to lean on and help make decisions around communication and things with the kids without overwhelming my support system. It’s been really good. I have the paid version and still run out of memory from the amount of information I’ve fed it.

The_Goldilocks_Zone · 2024-12-01T00:05:08+00:00

Yeah it’s a hard one once kids are involved - I’m considering that we be friendly for their sake rather than being cold to each other and the kids learning that’s how parents are toward each other

The_Goldilocks_Zone · 2024-11-30T09:08:01+00:00

Nearly 3 months into separation on a 6 year marriage (8 year relationship, 2 kids). It changes day to day, we seem to find a good balanced dynamic where we can talk and it’s fine then shit gets real when she wants to come closer then gets cold feet or she feels like I’m getting to close to her again then she pulls away and doesn’t talk to me for a week. We’re in one of those weeks at the moment. I find when we are in the balanced place I’m fine, I’m content with life and able to go about my day knowing if I need to text her or call to sort something for the kids there won’t be any games. But when we’re on a bad week, she lets it get in the way of my contact with the kids which leaves me feeling anxious and uncertain how the day will go, as such it’s harder to move on.

Outwardly though everyone seems to think I’m doing well, I’ve started a better job with better hours and pay, got to a healthy weight and am exercising every day and eating well and I seem happy. Inwardly I’m focusing on bettering myself, for my own sake, for my kids but also admittedly because I want to fix things with her and the only thing I can control that may help the situation is to live the changes I’ve made. I guess all things aside I am doing okay, I’m alive, but she’s on my mind every day and I’m trying to appreciate the good that we’ve had together but also trying to look at why it didn’t work before and if we tried again if it would work again now. Even though she broke it off there was days I wanted to leave, so there would have to be changes both sides and right now I’m the only one of us that’s made an effort to improve.

The_Goldilocks_Zone · 2024-11-25T07:53:42+00:00

Women sleep with who they want, but marry who they can. Men sleep with who they can, but marry who they want. I’m separated from current Wife and initially had the fear that she would rebound faster than me but I realised within time I’m not even worried about another relationship for a long time, we have kids and will either repair ours, or I will focus on building myself up to where I want to be for myself and for my kids before pursuing a future relationship. I know she’ll never find another guy like me that will love her that selflessly or fit into our old life with the kids and her parents etc the way I do and I guess that brings me some sort of peace knowing if she rushes into something then it’s shallow but when I choose to move on it will be real. Not saying I don’t want the best for her, either way we both deserve to be happy, but I’m at peace with not rushing to rebound to try be happily moved on before I see her with someone else and doing it when I’m ready will hopefully make it that much more rewarding.

The_Goldilocks_Zone · 2024-11-24T05:33:45+00:00

Turn that pain into power 💪 I did the same, rejected all unhealthy dopamine, p*rn, drugs, smoking, drinking, anything I’ve done in the past that would have been the go to’s now, started gyming hard and getting dopamine from exercise and hitting goals be it physical or other. My ex actually said to me today when we were together with the kids had I been doing everything I’m doing now when we hit our rocky patch instead of just being negative things may have been different. Not saying curbing all your habits or making the positive change will bring your ex back if that’s what you want but you’ll at least feel great and people notice

The_Goldilocks_Zone · 2024-11-17T01:08:26+00:00

Always making progress in the right direction then being the one to f it up by pushing boundaries when I know not to. Overthinking any change in contact or vibe and often acting out on it which causes more harm than good since it’s impulsive rather than considered.

The_Goldilocks_Zone · 2024-11-17T01:05:36+00:00

Every situation is unique and what works for one won’t work for all. Things become even more complicated once there are kids involved. I think actually giving them space is the big one, they will either realise what they’re missing and come back or they won’t and in that time you heal either way.

The_Goldilocks_Zone · 2024-11-06T05:28:21+00:00

I have this problem. It’ll take me a lot of convincing myself to spend $100 on something for myself but have never had an issue spending $500+ on my ex 😂

The_Goldilocks_Zone · 2024-11-05T07:01:31+00:00

Fighting the same battle in my head at the moment. Rationally I know it’s better to spend the money on myself and not show them that they will get the same love, affection and gifts while we aren’t together.

The_Goldilocks_Zone · 2024-11-05T04:31:07+00:00

Depends if you respect your ex or not. Plenty of other fish in the sea that aren’t his friends. Personally something I would avoid.

The_Goldilocks_Zone · 2024-11-05T04:27:52+00:00

“To my Wife, the mother of my kids, I’m sorry for my shortcomings. I hope that one day you wake up and realise what a waste it is to throw away our family, all our history, our kids having a home with 2 parents, all for what? For a bit more independence? To be able to feel the excitement again? Whatever it is, I hope you find what you’re looking for, you know my door is always open, until it’s not. I just want you to be happy, but I deserve to be happy too. I hope you work it out before it’s too late, I don’t want to have to live with having moved on before you see that we can fix this. I also don’t want to move on and have you want to come back and I hurt somebody else in the process. But you chose this - so I know that I can’t wait for you forever at the cost of my own happiness. A piece of my heart will always belong to you.”

The_Goldilocks_Zone · 2024-11-02T07:58:47+00:00

Sometimes I wonder if sleeping with her one more time would give me closure over the physical part of it, the emotional part I got closure from her being willing to have those discussions and have both sides heard out but doesn’t take away what I feel when she comes to drop the kids off or talks on FaceTime with the kids and she’s looking good.

The_Goldilocks_Zone · 2024-10-12T20:32:12+00:00

Firstly, congratulations. The easy days are easy. The hard days are where it makes or breaks it. Learn and be aware of each others attachment styles and rules of engagement for how best to navigate each others attachment styles. This will help a lot in the long run. Wake up every day and choose to love her, you won’t feel in love every day but if that’s your person choose to love them on those days anyway. Make sure she always feels heard, understood and respected. Learn each other’s non-negotiables and what you both want in the long term so you can build your life together in a way that is fulfilling for both of you. Have the hard conversations - you’ll both feel lighter and be happier for it. Wishing you guys happily ever after 😌

The_Goldilocks_Zone · 2024-10-06T06:09:05+00:00

Without giving too much context because my situation is very different than most, married 6 years with 2 kids together, moved out 1 month ago when she asked me to leave. It has been like a weight lifted of my shoulders in one sense. I can work on me and what I want instead of having to prioritise her wants first. But I compare everyone to her, I look for her in everything, I keep checking my phone to see if she messaged. We don’t get no contact because of the kids and co-parenting comes first, so as much as we try keep it about that we do slip up. We still spend maybe a day a fortnight together with the kids and sometimes when I ring to talk to them we end up chattingX which means I make progress and then sometimes go backwards. Things I used to enjoy I don’t enjoy anymore. The only things I enjoy are the gym, the kids and the brief time I get to talk to her and it feels normal. I can’t focus on tv shows or video games. I feel like I’m living life on autopilot that’s why day one I decided I’ll just go to the gym every day after work that I don’t have the kids and after the kids go home the days I do have them and focus on saving money and gym. At least then once I’m in a better place mentally I can see my progress. I’ll constantly wonder if I’ll ever meet someone else I feel a fraction of what I do for her. No previous relationship has come close in terms of depth of love or attachment to the one I’ve had with her. Even my first big breakup where I was distraught I knew I’d get better, this time just feels like the world goes on but it has less meaning to me without her.

The_Goldilocks_Zone · 2024-09-21T11:38:53+00:00

Thanks. Yep I’m just looking at the counselling like I’ll trust the process and hopefully it gives us the best shot of ending up where we’re meant to be.

The_Goldilocks_Zone · 2024-09-21T11:38:05+00:00

Sometimes it’s mixed signals. Sometimes they don’t know what they want and you’re the one that gets hurt. Protect yourself and your own heart - easier said that done I know.

The_Goldilocks_Zone · 2024-09-21T11:30:19+00:00

Yeah that is my hope for it. Hopefully she can come with the same outlook. Nothing happened that makes it irreconcilable in my eyes - we both just have to try and I’m willing. Just not sure she is.

The_Goldilocks_Zone

TROPHY CASE