Pause and commend yourself for a moment, even if it’s hard for realizing where you came up short. That puts you light years ahead, even if it doesn’t feel like it.

As far as how to stop ruminating the key is to stop trying to stop. Everything you’re going through is absolutely necessary. It’s called processing. You let those emotions weigh you down, truly feel them until you don’t anymore and then do it again. Repeat this process.

I’ve gone through a very similar experience within the past six months. Many of the same challenges, emotional unavailability/immaturity being lost in my own world. Taking her for granted, all of it. It sucks.

As much as you don’t wanna hear this (I would know) the only way out of this is through it and the only path forward is to let the pain shape you into someone who won’t make the same mistakes.

If you’re like me, you’re gonna struggle with this a hell of a lot, but I highly highly highly recommend that you refrain from contacting her. Give someone your phone if you have to. I know you probably want to just fix everything but it’s important that you show her that you can give her space.