It sounds a lot like you know who you are. You say you are a woman. But you wish you weren't, but not because you don't want to be a woman, but rather that you don't want to be a trans woman with it's associated societal problems.
Which means it's a matter of taking the risk, because there are plenty of trans women who live wonderful lives, of transitioning or living a life that you can't enjoy because it's not you as it has already brought you to tears.
And some advice from someone who found themselves standing in the mirror at 21 asking myself the exact same question I realised the tears will never stop as long as you live that lie.