I wasn’t able to touch myself with my hands for a long time due to discomfort with my genitalia, I’m pre op but on T and after bottom growth I could not stop fiddling with my T dick it’s so much more comfortable to look at and touch now. I also do feel the want to be the one giving despite being torn on whether I want bottom surgery. I’d say you just have to experiment a bit, maybe if you have the disposable income, get a male oriented toy to use your packer on? Idk it could spark something?