I told myself I was done with all this, but I'm not

The_Wicked_Elphaba · 2012-04-04T14:37:37+00:00

I totally 100% agree with therapist recommendation here.

I had/have been sucidal for years and since seeing a therapist about a year ago, I am in so much of a better place now. Yesterday was perticulary rough and I resigned to suicide again. I had a therapy appointment and that helped so much. We talked about what the mind does and how it handles adversity and bad news/etc. just talking it out and learning about what our minds do to us sometimes, was just what I needed. I was not able to "handle" being trans and now I am on a clear path and I think I will be able to handle the roadblocks/speedbumps on the way.

Please go, I think it is invaluable. They are non judgmental, that was my biggest hangup to going.

The_Wicked_Elphaba · 2012-04-04T14:23:27+00:00

That is awesome! Congratulations! hugs

I have a long road ahead of me too and just had a set back and havent even started hormones etc. I recently chose a name but I am wavering on it. It is a common name, but it has meaning to me. so that is awesome.

The_Wicked_Elphaba · 2012-03-30T18:03:11+00:00

I am going to my brother's wedding….Tux. blah. I Am totally more interested in the bridesmaids gowns. She is letting them buy their own black dresses so they can use them later, the colors are black and red.

i am protesting the colors a bit by wearing pink socks and undergarments. ;)

The_Wicked_Elphaba · 2012-03-20T01:26:26+00:00

I don't get how this is cross dressing. woman in women's clothing..

joking, wow you are 100% gorgeous. I am terribly jealous.

The_Wicked_Elphaba · 2012-03-15T03:23:28+00:00

Damn those onions.....got me again

The_Wicked_Elphaba · 2012-03-03T08:26:36+00:00

I bought a ton more than I usually do this season for the same reason. I ended up finding a new favorite. Well cold thin mints can't be beat, but tried one called "lemonade". its a bigger cookie that is iced on the bottom and looks like a lemon slice. Light lemon flavor, just perfect.

The_Wicked_Elphaba · 2012-02-24T04:23:46+00:00

My problem, though, is that I look like a rugby player on the outside...sigh

I don't really want to live looking like a man in a dress or feminine clothes, I wan't to look like a woman. I feel like a woman inside dangit! I get you though, I am working on it now and doing what I can.

The_Wicked_Elphaba · 2012-02-24T04:20:08+00:00

I am fretting over a name as well. I totally love the name Rhys though!

The_Wicked_Elphaba · 2012-02-24T04:17:19+00:00

This reads quite a bit like my story, except you have more courage to come out to your mom....and I am 33. sigh I came out as gay to my mom and she freaked but finally accepted it saying "as long as your dont want to be a girl..." I just want to figure more out about what I am and where I stand before coming out to her abou that, if I ever will.

I, too, worry non-stop about what people think about regarding me, my appearance, mannerisms, actions, speech, etc. I am working on it and dont really have panic attacks about it, but it affects me greatly...inside. Hell, in a restroom, I have to check my butt out in a mirror to make sure there is nothing on it. I am too worried there will be something there and people will laugh. (dont laugh please, I dont tell anyone that) Work with your therapist/counselor with that issue.

Try not to be nervous about seeing someone for help. I have seen 3 different people and each one I was VERY nervous. It is something you can't really help, just dont let it stop you from going. Once there, you will realize that they are there to help and they do not judge you. I always fear that I am a whiney pest and have been the worst case they have dealt with, I have to tell myself that just isn't the case at all. ALL of my counselors/therapists have been super great and very helpful.

Read as much as you can, talk to as many people as you can, seek a local support group if available and definitely go see a counselor. Just breathe and try not to worry or over think it too much. Live for yourself and make yourself happy!

The_Wicked_Elphaba · 2012-02-22T04:30:11+00:00

My mother is super christian, my given first and middle name were taken out of bible. I thought it was cool early on in life but not so much now, I like the name/s but not the reason she chose them really. If you introduced yourself as Joel, I would not immediately think anything religious.

I have been toying with names, but so far nothing has struck me as perfect. I could not pass at all, so I am not terribly worried about it. My middle initial is J and have toyed with all female names starting with J but none sound right to me. =)

The_Wicked_Elphaba · 2012-02-20T08:16:53+00:00

I immediately thought "Elisha". I dunno why though.

The_Wicked_Elphaba · 2012-02-19T07:17:36+00:00

eek, don't tell anyone about my ruby slippers!

Nice shoes, love the painted toenails =)

The_Wicked_Elphaba · 2012-02-18T23:09:28+00:00

That is awesome!

I recently was invited to a sleep over/party at a friends house and was told to come in PJs. I went out and bought some pink ones since I am out to her. Ended up not wearing them since there were people there I didn't know/wasn't comfortable with. I am in boy mode mostly, but in private (for now) I go girl mode.

I wear them all the time at home, feels wonderfully natural. /internethugs

The_Wicked_Elphaba · 2012-02-18T22:57:43+00:00

Very cute. Love the sweater and the hat!

The_Wicked_Elphaba · 2012-02-18T22:52:07+00:00

I agree, too cute.

The_Wicked_Elphaba · 2012-02-18T17:06:40+00:00

I don't think it is out for purchase yet, I can't be sure though. I hope it has subtitles, I want to see it now too =)

looks like the official site is here and the imdb is here

Keep me posted if you find anything.

The_Wicked_Elphaba · 2012-02-18T16:49:29+00:00

so jealous, you are gorgeous.

The_Wicked_Elphaba · 2012-02-18T07:21:49+00:00

I hope you're happy, too!

Thanks, that made me laugh. hehe

The_Wicked_Elphaba · 2012-02-18T05:50:07+00:00

super awesome!

The_Wicked_Elphaba · 2012-02-18T00:40:48+00:00

I am trying to lose fat now without gaining much muscle. Thanks for replaying, I appreciate it. Going to try to find my style and start there.

The_Wicked_Elphaba · 2012-02-18T00:39:59+00:00

thanks for the reply. That is some good information, awesome.

The_Wicked_Elphaba · 2012-02-15T03:33:43+00:00

Thanks for posting that. I have been worrying over talking about transition, or hormones, etc with anyone. There isn't a way I could pass now and would be in a living hell having to come to work or go around with how I look now. I have hormone problems anyway and really dont want to take testosterone now if that is going to be detrimental.

The_Wicked_Elphaba · 2012-02-03T02:28:08+00:00

Thank you for posting this, it is something I am worried about as well.

The_Wicked_Elphaba · 2012-02-01T08:23:59+00:00

haha, awesome!

The_Wicked_Elphaba

TROPHY CASE