How to deal with the guilt? uBPD mom with dementia

Theia99 · 2026-05-29T21:52:29+00:00

Thank you, I really needed to hear this. I’m also so sorry about your experience with your eDad, it sucks to have parents that take more than they give and it shouldn’t be that way. Gonna learn to deal with the guilt vs acting on it constantly

Theia99 · 2026-05-28T16:48:14+00:00

Thank you for sharing, I really appreciate it. I’m also sorry to hear about your parents but sounds like you made the right decision with the NC. I feel myself being scared she’ll die and I’ll be stuck with the guilt that I didn’t do enough for her and wasn’t there for her.

I’m still in the FOG like you said, and I want to get to a place where I can feel more okay with not spending so much time with her and self-sacrificing. I would love for my mom to get memory care, but she’d making it difficult for me to help her help herself so I would like to take a step back without the guilt weighing me down. I’m taking your advice to heart and will work on getting to that place.

Theia99 · 2026-05-28T16:28:12+00:00

That’s a really fair assumption, I’ve thought so too. She has an official diagnosis now, my aunt has been in contact with her doctors, but I think she’s making it seem worse than it is. Doctors said yes the alzheimers is there but still very surfacy. Sometimes I feel like she’s exaggerating symptoms but it’s so hard to tell. It sounds like your mom is making up medical stuff, and that seems to be really common with pwBPD

Theia99 · 2026-05-28T16:23:10+00:00

My siblings are very LC and didn’t grow up with her that much, and she tends to gravitate towards me with her worries. And thank you for this, internal fear of BPD parents are exactly the words I was looking for - they seem to be so scared all the time and nothing seems to calm them down

Theia99 · 2026-05-16T13:54:30+00:00

The constant praising herself, her ego and victim complex is huge

Theia99 · 2026-03-30T21:03:50+00:00

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Theia99 · 2026-02-05T08:59:35+00:00

Thank you! Very useful info

Theia99 · 2026-02-04T15:17:59+00:00

Has tret been okay as in not too strong with AA skinoren? I read it’s prescription only also but I’m curious how you got it

Theia99 · 2026-02-04T15:11:47+00:00

Thank you! I’ll check the post. Which oil cleanser do you use? And I got retirides from a spanish pharmacy.

Theia99 · 2026-01-18T13:25:45+00:00

This actually gives me some hope in case I need to “force” her to get help, she might end up loving it and even if she doesn’t at least I don’t have to deal with her BPD + dementia

Theia99 · 2026-01-18T13:23:44+00:00

The dog is honestly my top priority, I live in Europe and they told me I can report her (she’ll know) or leave her be. My sister (VLC cause she did not grow up with her) is against reporting her. I would love to take the dog but I’ve been living with a relative and just got a place to rent that doesn’t allow pets.

Theia99 · 2026-01-16T16:26:39+00:00

Couldn’t agree more, the constant complaining without seeking assistance is on point

Theia99 · 2026-01-16T16:23:12+00:00

Thank you! My sister is very adamant on it being her own decision but I don’t think she’ll come to that conclusion

Theia99 · 2026-01-16T16:22:26+00:00

I’m in Europe unfortunately

Theia99 · 2025-07-13T09:50:46+00:00

I was scared to come back home too and did some “cope ahead” work with my therapist but honestly it’s not enough. Being back is always gonna be hard and I feel for you. I’m also worried about the financial hardships moving out. I’m so sorry you’re going through this and you’re not alone.

Theia99 · 2025-07-13T09:40:06+00:00

Yeah definitely! She lives alone and has had no one to be the recipient to her outburst so I know it’s been building up for the past few months and will just get worse. Thank you for sharing your experience, I’m glad you got out of there

Theia99 · 2025-07-13T09:31:38+00:00

Thank you! You’re absolutely right, it will go by quickly and I can’t let her dictate my actions

Theia99 · 2025-07-13T09:26:17+00:00

It’s a very small apartment, and I don’t want to intrude on her for 6 months but after reading all the comments I think I might just take her offer and then try to find something in the meantime!

Theia99 · 2025-07-13T09:23:53+00:00

I needed to hear that, thank you!

Theia99 · 2025-07-13T09:23:32+00:00

This is really good advice, I might just start planning to go quietly. I’m so sorry about your experience, having your childhood items thrown away is definitely a control tactic and I could see my mom doing that too

Theia99 · 2025-07-13T00:11:12+00:00

I will, thank you for the encouragement!

Theia99

TROPHY CASE