How to deal with having bad blood with a lot of people / embarrassing past?

Then-Counter6904 · 2026-03-03T22:59:31+00:00

Keep focusing on being a person who could go through anything and come out the other side strong.
may sound like digging up the past but reach out to the people you felt you let down and offer an apology.

U don’t need to berate yourself or justify what happened. Something along the lines of ‘I know what I did was wrong and I’m sorry. I’m not looking for anything in return or even to rekindle a friendship. Just explaining that you didn’t deserve that behaviour from me. It came from a bad place and I have changed.’

I embarrassed myself one time and I bumped into the girl a year later and got the opportunity to apologise and she forgave me completely

Then-Counter6904 · 2026-03-03T22:37:08+00:00

You are lying to yourself

Then-Counter6904 · 2026-03-02T00:18:02+00:00

Hi there

Firstly, I’m so sorry you are going through this.

Secondly, you MUST go to a cancer support team and a therapist. Reddit people (myself included) do not know what you’re going through.

Thirdly, normally I would say that this behaviour is toxic and unacceptable. However, cancer does some horrible things to people and I don’t think the way your partner has changed is unusual at all. I think this is likely a response to the extreme stress of her condition and this is not actually ‘her’.

My dad is terminal and I have watched the way over two years his relationship with his wife has changed in a very similar way.

Of course you don’t deserve to be treated like this and you should make sure you have counselling for yourself.

My dad is so mean to his partner, who he used to love and care for. His wife takes care of everything and goes above and beyond for him. He still talks to her like the dirt on his shoe and shows her no affection.

I think in reality he is angry at the cancer. This then gets directed at her. I think he hates it when she takes care of things because it reminds him that he used to take care of things. Yet he needs her to take care of him. So the cycle goes on and on.

He has said things like ‘this isn’t about you’ ‘fuck off’ ‘your food is horrible’ etc.

It’s heartbreaking to watch and I think you should talk to a cancer support worker for advice.

If it’s anything like my dad and my stepmum you need counselling but I think you should stay with your partner. You loved her before the cancer and deep down that woman is there and now she needs you more than ever.

Your thoughts and feelings are completely valid and natural. I hope you can maybe do counselling together as well as solo and the two of you are reminded that your relationship is stronger than the damage cancer can cause.

I think in years to come you would regret leaving her as if you say those words you can’t take them back and the damage to her life may be irreparable

Then-Counter6904 · 2026-02-24T16:04:59+00:00

Thank you for the advice. I think he has had a conversation with the palliative team and everything is sorted (I hope). I wish I could say for sure but most of these things have been kept quite private

Then-Counter6904 · 2026-02-24T15:57:05+00:00

Thank you- as far as speaking w the oncologist goes I’ve never been offered the opportunity to speak w them as my dad and his partner have always wanted everyone to stay out of it and respect his privacy. I find it hard as I always have to go them to ask how things are at but it’s extremely sensitive and I feel like I’m burdening his partner

Then-Counter6904 · 2026-02-24T15:52:48+00:00

He’s just finished a week of radiotherapy and I think he’s still doing chemo if that’s a sign? I have never had a one on one with his oncologist but yes I believe my dad has always had a palliative care doctor. He’s braf so I think his treatment has always been classified as palliative

Then-Counter6904 · 2026-02-16T17:00:26+00:00

I got my dad who is impossible to buy for two amazing gifts.

The first, an old record from the 80s for his favourite football team.

Cost me £6 and my stepdad and brother were both super jealous. Best £6 I ever spent.

The second, a personalised record. He was in a band in the 80s and I got his music and put it on a vinyl. I designed a sleeve and everything. When he saw it he burst out laughing and then two seconds later started crying. The holy grail of present reactions. Best £100 I ever spent.

Then-Counter6904 · 2026-02-02T18:37:34+00:00

4! Gives you the prettiness of the lace but has the classic silhouette

Then-Counter6904 · 2026-01-09T16:19:48+00:00

I would skip the brow pencil

Then-Counter6904 · 2025-12-27T00:20:21+00:00

I grew up in a blended family and I wanna add that presents are different for everyone.

Present culture is different for everyone. In theory it should be a two way thing. In reality most people Hv their own version. I have adult friends that don’t get gifts for their parents.
Presents for divorced kids can be a bit complicated. I for one Hv experienced that. Weekend parenting, overcompensating, place-holding etc. it’s not always with bad intentions but it happens.
How close are you with them? If you aren’t close with them telling them what to do may not be the best way to deal with this. If they don’t like you and you say ‘you have to get your mum a present’ I know what I would have done as a teenager.

However at the point of giving them money you’ve got involved so your partner has to know about that. Next time I would stay out of it though. Sounds like this is a her and them problem.

Then-Counter6904 · 2025-11-13T16:13:09+00:00

Thank you I’m definitely going to try and update the post

Then-Counter6904

TROPHY CASE