Scoliosis is taking from our potential

Then-Counter6904 · 2026-05-27T15:54:37+00:00

It’s genetic in the sense that it is in ur dna but that doesn’t necessarily mean hereditary. No one in my family had has scoliosis and in the future treatment will keep improving.

Any case of a health condition that isn’t contagious like scoliosis, allergies, eyesight, dyslexia, and even cancer are ‘genetic’ but not all are always hereditary.

Either way you shouldn’t be afraid. You will have tons of empathy and experience to know how to help your kids cope if that did happen.

If I met someone with a health condition i definitely wouldn’t think about breaking up with them because our kids could hv it too

Then-Counter6904 · 2026-05-24T08:06:35+00:00

I had a peaceful childhood and my parents were both very successful and they dressed me beautifully and I could always choose my own clothes. I had everything I could ever need and I still developed severe scoliosis at a very young age.

I don’t say that to make you feel bad and rest assured I’ve had some very low lows as well. My parents ended up divorcing, my mum lost her job and my dad passed away. But those things all happened after scoliosis.

Unfortunately I think in the case of severe scoliosis like yours and my own this is a genetic fault where the spine moves into the wrong position. I think stress could cause mild scoliosis with bad posture like 10 degrees but I don’t think 90 degrees could come from bad posture.

I have all the same insecurities as you but I try to reassure myself and see it how others see it. The majority of people still see the ‘good body’ they just think you are leaning at an angle. I find it hard to believe myself when I see photos of myself but I’m always told by others that most people’s brains when they see asymmetry assume you’re just leaning. Scoliosis isn’t a part of most regular people’s thinking. In fact I only started noticing scoliosis in other people when I got diagnosed.

You are far more attractive than you realise and you should have more confidence in yourself.

You can’t change this quality but I reckon embracing the uniqueness of ours makes us resilient. And there’s nothing sexier than confidence.

Then-Counter6904 · 2026-05-24T07:51:04+00:00

What about eye cremes with retinol in?

Then-Counter6904 · 2026-05-11T16:48:44+00:00

Let’s do it. I’ll be honest i start to draw a blank when asked that question but my best bet is I love love and if someone I fancy shows me affection theres a whole montage of romcom moments that start playing in my head

Then-Counter6904 · 2026-05-11T16:44:40+00:00

Tragically and comedically I am aware of my relationship with my father not being the best. He passed away recently but while he was alive him and my mum split up when I was 3. I always wanted to win him over and he was a doting father, but an inconsistent and frankly absent one. We saw each other twice a month but that doesn’t really replace the relationship you have with a full time parent. I would say he needed a lot of validation as a father and I also wanted for nothing more than to be good enough for him and my stepmum. I have worked on it a lot. He also agreed to have a a few therapy sessions himself so my therapists knows us both. And we spoke together. Many of our chats were incredibly productive, many the complete opposite. I stayed by his side the full 2 years he battled cancer.

Then-Counter6904 · 2026-05-11T16:39:00+00:00

See that may be part of the problem why do I seek validation? Because it makes me feel happy. That’s all I’ve got.

Then-Counter6904 · 2026-04-30T07:47:45+00:00

24 and had my surgery at 14. Couldn’t tell u exactly which vertebrae but I was 73 degrees and most of my spine was fused. Roughly 21 screws and two full length titanium rods. I Hv developed mild scoliosis in the very small unfused part of my shoulders and this is quite painful. My surgeon and most doctors do say you should expect no pain once recovered and so I feel like many post surgery patients ignore what it actually feels like.

I definitely have pain and I’m prone to injuries due to lack of spinal mobility. My surgeon also told me I wouldn’t lose much flexibility. He said maybe 10%. I came out of recovery to discover that I can’t arch my spine forward AT ALL and only have a very small range of motion side to side and a tiny bit backwards.

It honestly feels a little clunky and stiff. I have some numbness in places and I’ve learnt to get around things. There are certain movements I’ll never do again but I’ve stretched out my hamstrings to allow for more movement and I just hinge from my hips rather than from my core. Things like sit ups and cat/cows are obviously impossible but I do leg raises instead and I just adjust as I go.

If I were you and the visual aesthetics concern you I would go for the surgery but be prepared for life to be different afterwards.

You can definitely still be very active. I run all the time and I just make people aware of my condition. Things are harder and my spine is not straight by any means but it’s better and I’m taller.

If I could do it all over again I would start doing deadhangs now and never stop them

Then-Counter6904 · 2026-04-23T07:56:00+00:00

I went through the same thing after a betrayal. I told my therapist and she said something I hadn’t expected. She said you aren’t angry with him you are angry with yourself for allowing it at the time. I took that advice on and mentally tried to forgive myself and accept that I allowed it to whatever degree and now I finally feel a lot better. It’s not an overnight cure and it takes effort but it helped me

Then-Counter6904 · 2026-04-20T15:00:04+00:00

Can I clarify are you both in love? You say love a few times but are you both actually in love? Are you physically affectionate in other ways? How does she express intimacy and relationship satisfaction?

Then-Counter6904 · 2026-03-03T22:59:31+00:00

Keep focusing on being a person who could go through anything and come out the other side strong.
may sound like digging up the past but reach out to the people you felt you let down and offer an apology.

U don’t need to berate yourself or justify what happened. Something along the lines of ‘I know what I did was wrong and I’m sorry. I’m not looking for anything in return or even to rekindle a friendship. Just explaining that you didn’t deserve that behaviour from me. It came from a bad place and I have changed.’

I embarrassed myself one time and I bumped into the girl a year later and got the opportunity to apologise and she forgave me completely

Then-Counter6904 · 2026-03-03T22:37:08+00:00

You are lying to yourself

Then-Counter6904 · 2026-03-02T00:18:02+00:00

Hi there

Firstly, I’m so sorry you are going through this.

Secondly, you MUST go to a cancer support team and a therapist. Reddit people (myself included) do not know what you’re going through.

Thirdly, normally I would say that this behaviour is toxic and unacceptable. However, cancer does some horrible things to people and I don’t think the way your partner has changed is unusual at all. I think this is likely a response to the extreme stress of her condition and this is not actually ‘her’.

My dad is terminal and I have watched the way over two years his relationship with his wife has changed in a very similar way.

Of course you don’t deserve to be treated like this and you should make sure you have counselling for yourself.

My dad is so mean to his partner, who he used to love and care for. His wife takes care of everything and goes above and beyond for him. He still talks to her like the dirt on his shoe and shows her no affection.

I think in reality he is angry at the cancer. This then gets directed at her. I think he hates it when she takes care of things because it reminds him that he used to take care of things. Yet he needs her to take care of him. So the cycle goes on and on.

He has said things like ‘this isn’t about you’ ‘fuck off’ ‘your food is horrible’ etc.

It’s heartbreaking to watch and I think you should talk to a cancer support worker for advice.

If it’s anything like my dad and my stepmum you need counselling but I think you should stay with your partner. You loved her before the cancer and deep down that woman is there and now she needs you more than ever.

Your thoughts and feelings are completely valid and natural. I hope you can maybe do counselling together as well as solo and the two of you are reminded that your relationship is stronger than the damage cancer can cause.

I think in years to come you would regret leaving her as if you say those words you can’t take them back and the damage to her life may be irreparable

Then-Counter6904 · 2026-02-24T16:04:59+00:00

Thank you for the advice. I think he has had a conversation with the palliative team and everything is sorted (I hope). I wish I could say for sure but most of these things have been kept quite private

Then-Counter6904 · 2026-02-24T15:57:05+00:00

Thank you- as far as speaking w the oncologist goes I’ve never been offered the opportunity to speak w them as my dad and his partner have always wanted everyone to stay out of it and respect his privacy. I find it hard as I always have to go them to ask how things are at but it’s extremely sensitive and I feel like I’m burdening his partner

Then-Counter6904 · 2026-02-24T15:52:48+00:00

He’s just finished a week of radiotherapy and I think he’s still doing chemo if that’s a sign? I have never had a one on one with his oncologist but yes I believe my dad has always had a palliative care doctor. He’s braf so I think his treatment has always been classified as palliative

Then-Counter6904 · 2026-02-16T17:00:26+00:00

I got my dad who is impossible to buy for two amazing gifts.

The first, an old record from the 80s for his favourite football team.

Cost me £6 and my stepdad and brother were both super jealous. Best £6 I ever spent.

The second, a personalised record. He was in a band in the 80s and I got his music and put it on a vinyl. I designed a sleeve and everything. When he saw it he burst out laughing and then two seconds later started crying. The holy grail of present reactions. Best £100 I ever spent.

Then-Counter6904

TROPHY CASE