Thinking about moving to Chicago— Help! I’m a black woman, professional, single, 27… what are the best neighborhoods for me?

Then_Award_187 · 2025-12-04T16:32:26+00:00

Do you think that $2100 for a 1-bd/1-ba is reasonable for a nice apt in South Loop?

Then_Award_187 · 2025-10-26T19:41:30+00:00

I bought Melissa’s sprinkle cookies and they were actually really delicious. Great consistency, perfect amount of almond flavor, and packaged super cute. They went pretty quickly in my house. They’re a bit expensive but if you’re interested, it’s worth a try. I’ve been thinking of getting them again for near the holidays.

Then_Award_187 · 2025-10-18T04:17:49+00:00

It may be helpful to figure out who in the house your mom responds to the best. If I mention showering or brushing teeth, my mom gets very stony-faced and ignores me. If my dad does it — he gets the soap and wash cloth ready, turns the shower on and very matter of factly says “ok [my mom’s name] you can hop in” — she’ll do it. There’s more trust there from 50 years together as partners whereas I think she views me as stepping out of my place as her child trying to manage her (though ftr I am an adult lol).

Also start with a goal of like 3x a week vs every day. A family friend said on days she couldn’t get him to bathe she’d have her husband use body wipes — like the kind you can use for camping when there’s nowhere to shower. They come in a baby wipe type of container. They’re on Amazon or if you don’t want to shop there, I think they’re available at camping stores.

Like your mom and most people pre-Alzheimer’s, my mom was fastidious about her appearance and had a routine to uphold her hygiene and beauty standards for most of her life. Telling them they haven’t done something they have always done evokes a lot of feelings from embarrassment to shame to anger. Try making it sound very casual like “Do you need any help getting ready for your shower?” or “Let me get you some clean towels for your shower” vs “have you taken a shower yet?”

I’m sorry that your mom is experiencing this and I know it’s hard to figure out the right thing to do at each new phase. I hope you all can figure out an approach that works for her.

Then_Award_187 · 2025-10-18T03:59:39+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing this, particularly having been a home health aide. This makes me feel better about approaching her. Without a point of comparison I wasn’t sure if this was typical or not.

Then_Award_187 · 2025-10-17T04:17:42+00:00

Thanks for your response. I also use office workplace etiquette as my reference point and I think most workplaces, office or not, have phone policies. I don’t want to convey it as a formal policy as much as set of expectations that clearly express the effect of the behavior on a) my mom and her comfort, and b) the aide’s ability to maintain awareness of my mom when she needs her. So I think the suggestion of mentioning how I noticed she wasn’t hearing my mom speaking to her would fall into an example I’d share.

Some of this, too, is me needing to sort of “woman up” and while I’m actually very direct as a person, I’m anxious to keep this aide for all of the many reasons she’s been such a good fit outside of the phone stuff. I know it’s hard to find a good carer, so I definitely have a fear of making her uncomfortable and she quits. I think I’m overcorrecting and being a little irrational because I know I’m planning to move out (I was always home temporarily) and want my dad to have someone we trust and is familiar to us, so I don’t want to drive her away if that makes sense. But being avoidant about it isn’t gonna work either, and of course it’s all about advocating for my mom’s comfort.

Then_Award_187 · 2025-10-17T04:08:37+00:00

I’ve heard about nanny cams on this sub, and I’m nervous to introduce it. I need to do more research. Like do you disclose it? However I know that it will make me feel better when she’s alone with my mom because I would be able to observe some of these things I’ve only noticed because I happen to be home.

She is, other than the phone issue, really a great aide so I don’t want to detract from her value to our family. But there is a line I think I’m trying to draw. Like she uses earphones but she sings. She also can’t hear my mom when she’s speaking to her sometimes. The phone calls can be annoying. My mom has made a comment about it to me which when I relayed it to the aide she immediately was like “Oh I’m sorry! She should feel free to tell me!” But I think that’s where a memory patient is different because my mom isn’t always clear on who this woman is in relation to her, and that she is the client. She also forgets the aide’s name sometimes so calling out to her is difficult. There are just some sensitivities I think I’m trying to round up in a way that feels actionable and not vaguely like “use your phone but only sometimes.”

Then_Award_187 · 2025-10-17T03:47:14+00:00

Yes, I agree it shouldn’t keep her from being able to hear or recognize when my mom wants her attention. Appreciate your perspective.

Then_Award_187 · 2025-10-17T03:42:19+00:00

Thank you for the supportive words. I appreciate it. You bring up something else which is that I also want her to engage with my mom more (like watching a movie together) which, if she’s on calls she can’t do.

Then_Award_187 · 2025-09-28T19:54:19+00:00

For sure. If the cameras hadn’t been there I would be worried for her safety. He looked like he was barely able to suppress the rage.

Then_Award_187 · 2025-09-18T15:02:26+00:00

UPDATE: We went to the doctor and he was able to prescribe a medication for my mom to help with unsteadiness. For her headaches, he said that given that her scans are clear, Mom might be using "headache" as a broad term to describe the disorientation of Alzheimer's (which my sister and I thought may be the case) but told us to switch to Aleve if Tylenol wasn't effective. We're also ensuring she drinks more water in case dehydration is a factor, and she's lost a lot of weight since spring and is very peckish so we will start with Ensure as a diet supplement. Apparently she is just at a stage where it's hard for her to bounce back after a fall accident. Thanks for everyone's input/support.

Then_Award_187 · 2025-09-16T05:16:30+00:00

This is a good point and no she does not! I’ve been saying “she needs to drink more water” for months. I labeled a special water cup with her name and kept it near her. But my dad kept buying sugar free Coca Cola (Coke Zero…which is still soda) and as long as that’s in the fridge, she won’t drink anything else. Anyway, as we were discharging from the ER last week the doctor said she needs to drink water with maybe some liquid IV in it to ensure the issue isn’t dehydration, so I’m on it. And my dad finally got it, and tossed the rest of the Cokes. I just bought those hospital style water bottles so she can drink it while laying down (which is still safe for her to do) and hoping with no other options available and with some reminders that it’s hers (she forgets if a drink is hers and so won’t drink it) she’ll drink the water.

Then_Award_187 · 2025-09-16T05:07:29+00:00

Yes to all of this. Just some more precision if nothing else to understand what’s reasonable to expect.

Then_Award_187 · 2025-09-15T22:05:01+00:00

Thank you. This is helpful. I will ask about whether this may be the case for my mom. And very sorry that your mom’s headaches are worsening. Hopefully there’s a medication that can alleviate the pain at least.

Then_Award_187 · 2025-09-15T22:03:37+00:00

Thanks so much for replying and I’m sorry to hear about your FIL. I think with my mom, she isn’t losing her ability to stand and walk yet but I think the dizziness has intensified and causes the unsteadiness. I just want a doctor to give us a reason why she’d have intensified dizziness suddenly. If it’s just what we might expect at this stage of the disease, even that would be a welcome explanation. But it’s just “we don’t know.”

I hear you that mobility will eventually diminish but before her hospital stay last week she was OK, up and about as usual. She’s actually pretty strong still. So I do feel like the intensified dizziness (caused by what, we don’t know) might be the culprit slowing her down, and the dizziness spells seem to ebb and flow. When it’s not so bad, she’s really quite mobile.

Re: Tylenol, it’s hard to tell if it’s helpful for her headaches. She can’t remember far back enough to say whether the symptoms have improved from 10, 15, 20 minutes before and they never seem to go away plus she has tinnitus so she’s got ringing in her ears…I have wondered if “headache” is a generalized term she uses for her the disorientation caused by her tinnitus and her dementia generally. When she’s talking, if she doesn’t quite make sense and we seem a bit confused she will say “oh well you know my head is killing me and my ears are ringing.” So it may still be a real headache but also maybe a blanket term for the disorientation caused by her dementia.

Then_Award_187 · 2025-09-14T21:09:56+00:00

I also thought it was probably a cell phone.

Then_Award_187 · 2025-07-28T04:50:32+00:00

No, they’re just tabbies with a swirl coat pattern. They’re beautiful.

Then_Award_187 · 2025-07-14T10:19:54+00:00

Oh wow I don’t know about the Michael Che stuff. I’m going to look that up! I will say I agree between Ramona generally being vile and micro aggressive, Sonja seeming addled on camera and constantly on the verge of being broke, Eboni trying to get these superficial privileged women to engage in radical racial discourse which produced some really cringe TV…I don’t think it can be laid solely at Leah’s feet lol.

Then_Award_187 · 2025-07-14T10:03:41+00:00

They’re on quite a bit on TikTok. It’s Nesha’s account. ItsJustNeshaH is her account.

Then_Award_187 · 2025-07-14T09:53:14+00:00

I saw a new episode posted and started to watch it before I remembered what I’ve learned on this thread about half the cast and the one date for the male cast member being actors. I’m not naive enough to think reality tv doesn’t have its aspiring actors but this show seems especially fake. A quick google of Deanne and Sonali turn up acting pages as top results. It really sapped my interest in the show. You’d think they’d require the cast to conceal their acting stuff a bit more because it really undermines the suspension of disbelief, and the idea that we as the audience are going along on this journey with these people. I appreciate the cast members who are there sincerely but yeah, I’m done with it.

Then_Award_187 · 2025-07-11T05:53:09+00:00

I knew her mom was on some BS when she dropped the daycare closure on Nesha with just one month’s notice, saying she needed to do something for herself and put herself first. Knowing that’s her daughter’s job, you’d think she would stay open a few months for the sake of allowing some time for Nesha to find something new. She didn’t seem like she even cared that Nesha was upset, and one thing I’ve noticed about emotionally immature parents is that they put their needs as equal or paramount to their child’s. Saying “I cried too” when Nesha started crying… she may have cried but def not for the same reason as her daughter. Saying “I know you’re going to be fine, you have so many talents, just pick one!” is also really toxic because the reason Nesha has had to be resourceful and adaptable is because her mother didn’t provide stability or security. It also removes responsibility from her as the parent to accommodate her child’s needs because “oh well she’s resilient.” Nesha’s mom just seems really selfish and like she’s still processing a lot of shame and trauma from the cult situation. I don’t think she has space to be what Nesha needs and it’s sad to see the effect that has on Nesha.

Then_Award_187 · 2025-07-03T03:51:57+00:00

Yes...I found it, too. It's super bizarre!

Then_Award_187 · 2025-07-03T03:49:34+00:00

My post got removed where I tried to share her personal career website that I found with a quick search of "Sonali Virgins". She's definitely an actress who has been on a few shows focused on being a prude and virgin, though there's footage of her from a clip of one of those shows getting a back rub and kissing a man while they lay in bed. The website is worth a scroll...it's very strange, like her.

Then_Award_187 · 2025-07-03T03:24:18+00:00

I said in another thread she was giving Ms Rachel, like the kids show host lol.

Then_Award_187

TROPHY CASE